Fleshy Hearts Wont Do

Fleshy Hearts Wont Do

A Poem by Vanessa Macanas
"

Fed up with letting myself fall for false affection.

"

Baby you, you've got potential, but that will only get you through tonight,

Because I will chew you up and spit you out and save you for a lonely night.

 

It’s not that I don’t like you, and baby it’s not that I don’t care...

It’s just I get so lost in that dreamy deceitful stare.

 

So many times before on so many other faces,

That daunting stare has presented me with its graces.

 

For which I have fallen for, oh so many times

Right along with all those cheap and cliché lines.

 

But I won’t fall again I game to all the tricks

I'll use them all against you and hope it makes you sick.

 

But that’s what happens when a fleshy heart turns stone,

It can give no love and no affection, just the feeling of alone.

 

© 2010 Vanessa Macanas


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Reviews

Interesting.
Grammatical Review:
The second line of the first stanza desperately needs a comma.
The lack of apostraphes made me want to cry, particularly because you weren't consistent with the lack of apostraphes (see "you've" in the first line). Sometimes WC screws apostraphes up, but you really should go back and insert the rest in.
Fourth stanza - it's "cliche" (with a little accent mark over the "e", if you want to be really nitpicky).
//But I wont fall again I game to all the tricks// This line has some sort of error that makes it confusing.
Last stanza - "happens" (typo).

Otherwise, I like the point of the poem, and the language is overall pretty. Try a little more imagery throughout.
*No Rating.


Posted 11 Years Ago


This is filled with the emotions of love lost and the betrayals that turn us all inside out. What an amazing, introspective look into that pain and sense of being alone... Amazing write.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I LOVED THIS! I can totally relate an ex guy friend of mine and I had a really steamy relationship and we both swore it would never turn into anything else because he had been hurt before and I was involved with someone else but the attraction and passion between us was too strong to deny but all in all we ended up hurting each other and lost a great friendship because of our ignorance over the entire situation. Overall it's a great write, it flowed very well and the rhyme scheme was great. Keep it up! KUDOS!!! :) 100/100

Posted 11 Years Ago


i like this 100/100

Posted 11 Years Ago


I like the term fleshy heart. Title would bring me to the poem. I like this poem. Direct and honest. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago


A familiar feeling and one that can be felt in encounters online as well as in real life... a kind of confession of failed loves, a kind of teach yourself what to look out for... and yet... that fleshly heart does not feel so stony to me...

Posted 11 Years Ago


Very interesting write, great work!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


I like it, it's very good writing.
The essence of this poem is excellent even though the basic concept is not that of an unusual or original situation.
I like the layout of the poem as well.

Minor spelling mistake. I believe you meant "Taunting" and not "Daunting".
Thank you for posting it for all of us to read.

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on April 5, 2010
Last Updated on September 16, 2010

Author

Vanessa Macanas
Vanessa Macanas

Las Vegas, NV



About
ART. MUSIC. LOVE. The passions that she thrives upon. Surveillance reveals a compassionate young mind living with her heart on her sleeve. She induldges in long late night conversation and french v.. more..

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