A part of you

A poem about longing

A part of you

 

I think I'd like to kiss your soul,

To feel your spirit on my tongue,

To breathe your love into my lungs,

To be a part of you.

 

I'd like to dive into your eyes,

And swim for hours in your sight,

Live your day and sleep your night,

To be a part of you.

 

I'd like to be beneath your skin,

Your flesh, your blood, your beating heart,

Then I can begin to start,

To be a part of you.

 

I'd like to sit inside your ear,

To hear the words you scream and shout,

To see the things you dream about,

To be a part of you.

 

I'd like to be the clothes you wear,

To keep you warm throughout the day,

Zip me up, go out to play,

I'll be a part of you.

 

I'd like to be your shoulder bag,

I'd hold your things, be at your side,

Keep all your secrets locked inside,

I'd be a part of you.

 

I'd like to be your gentle hands,

To touch your face, to brush your hair,

To touch you where I dare not dare,

To feel a part of you.

 

I'd like to slumber in your smile,

Your facial hammock fits me well,

I think by now that you can tell,

I am a part of you.

Reviews

[wordplay29]

Wow..nice...but I wish a man could actually feel like that for more than a year without getting board so quickly.

[Awdures]

A love story with a difference. It's great that you've flung in some humour here to lighten the mood. It's too easy to fall into the trap of becoming over emo when you're writing, I should know I do it all the time!

Lovely ode, maybe you could write a part two once you've attained your goal ;)

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

This is a lovely piece. I enjoyed all of the different pictures you gave the reader. Maybe you could further these by saying what the speaker imagines it would feel like to be in each of these places?

My only real criticism of this poem is that it gets lots of momentum going, but ends like it begins. If you change up the form a little, or let it take off at or near the end, it may seem a little more fulfilling. The best kinds of poems are the ones that take us on a trip, with a lift-off and landing. I had a teacher tell me that once, and it stuck with me.

Otherwise, I like the focus on each of these parts. I also love that the rhyme wasn't too obvious. I'm a harsh critic about rhyme most of the time (including my own rhyme). Only after I had begun my review did I realize it rhymed. Nicely done!

[R E Tree]

The romance in this is so strong and enlightens my mood. The first stanza takes my breath away and the rest carry this sweet flow through out every line. I like the imagery expressed in this I find it imaginative and creative. This poem is full of romance and it's not really what I expected from the title. The title made me think it was going to be about you personally so it surprised me when I saw the spark of romance

[Ruth]

This is wonderful! The need is totally expressed with clarity and voiced in a manner that shows yearning trembling!
Awesome love
xx

[bbb]

One of the best things I've read in a while in regards to using some creative ideas in a poem. This is classic, I love it!