Chapter 2: The Morning Blues

Chapter 2: The Morning Blues

A Chapter by Abhishek Izy

Mr.Roach runs into more troubles and finds an unexpected businessman friend in Chotu

"Honey. Did you say you are leaving?? That's pretty American, I'd say... one night stuff" the waitress was still lying on her bed, looking at Mr.Roach sneaking through the window.

"Look that was a mistake. Did you see my underwear??"

"You never had one"

"Really?? What about my necktie?"

"You were playing cowboy with it last night"

"Oh God. I was fairly stoned last night. Almost spiraled out of control."

"You're telling me? Man, you grazed me like a starved gazelle in Savannah. I never had anyone getting so crazy with me before and I loved it. No surprise my Savannah is badly bitten and sore"

"Listen Miss, please pardon me. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"Do I look like I care?", the waitress's tone deflected suddenly. "Leave 500 bucks on the table before you leave"

"What.... hell, are you a professional?"

"Well I pretty much f**k like it, but ain't one. Let's say a part-time business. Now keep the money and I won't tell anyone that you slept with me"

"Huh.. I've posters of me everywhere. Everyone knows it"

"Well you never know it can get worst.I might just scream that you raped me"

"And you waited till morning to scream? Forget it, you can't do that... It's insane"

"Watch me" the waitress jumped off the bed to the window, swearing in a low breath.

"Holy f**k, get some dress on for god's sake. You are stark naked. That butt of yours..." Mr. Roach led a whistle of lusty sigh. His eyes almost popped off the socket. "It's so cute. Did I spank you cute little bubble buttocks?"

"Thank you for reminding me.Another 200 bucks for spanking. My a*s as red as a ripe Kashmiri apple, courtesy to you."

"Good spanking is a compliment, right?"

"Paying up for a good spanking is a courtesy too." She pulled a towel around her. No more free show. It took Mr.Roach few moments to shift his gears back to the situation at hand and he panicked again immediately. Sweat dripped off his forehead.

"Dear lady, please understand. I don't carry money around. Wait a minute, we are goddamn cockroaches. We don't even carry money."

"You're such a retard, aren't you Mr.Roach. Here in this part of world, bucks means delicacies. We call it 'bucks' to sound cool."

"I still got no delicacies unless you count my thing as delicacy."

"That's gross tiniest thing, you mean?"

"Come one, you don't have to be rude.It's not tiniest tiny, maybe just tiny."

"Okay if you're staying five more minutes here, I'm increasing the stake."

"Know what, you sexy yet horrible thing, I'm done. F**k you!!"

The reaction was instant, the waitress immediately pulled on a shredded pullover and wailed into a siren for help. She had it planned to look like violated. 

"Help... Help!!! He is trying to violate me again... Somebody please help!!!!"

"Jesus Christ!"". Mr. Roach dashed out of the door and went flying down the the floor. The waitress poked her head out of the window.

"You should have tried the other door. This one opens to the vertical collision five feet below" she screamed.

"Thanks for telling" Mr.Roach shouted back, nursing a sprain on his ankle.

"A*****e, you're so dead." she fumed and slammed her window.

Mr.Roach landed damn hard on the floor, half naked and totally bruised. Few ants passing by, gave a polite disgusting look. He wondered how can someone be so politely disgusted.
"Good morning Gentlemen" Mr. Roach forced a stupid smile, collecting himself.

"We are Madams, actually" one of them giggled as the crowds hurried in line.

"Well... huh, hard to tell"
Now what do I do, wondered Mr. Roach, as he searched for a safer haven. "I'm a tourist on run. The locals would tie me to bug-spray nozzle and blow the hell out of me. I've no help, no backup, no escape... I'm doomed"

"Buckle up not panic" he assured himself. The plan was to get back to the safest place. Nothing could be safer than the House Lady's purse. Now move.The James bond in him, woke up. He verified the flight route, scurried cautiously, made sure he wasn't traced. After pulling off some crazy acrobatics, he finally reached the bag.

"Honey.... You still pissing? Your bladder got some real capacity" said the House Lady, still wrapped up in the blanket on the bed. Only her head, tousled blonde hair and mascara flushed sleepy eyes and a lil bit cleavage and arms showed out. No surprise she was naked inside, as always.

The flush in the bathroom made some noise. 

"Just a moment" came someone's reply.It was a deep heavy manly voice.

"Come back baby. You better clean your guns before you start shooting off it again", she laughed.

"Plenty of ammunition left honey. Wait till I punch everything inside you."

"Jesus, even she slept with someone and that's certainly not Adam. Humans are bad, real bad" whispered Mr. Roach. He pulled out some dry biscuit crumbs from the bottom of the purse and nibbled on it, while he cautiously watched for the new visitor. A woman's purse, he believed is a magic well. You wish for something and dive in, and you'll get it. It's an entire galaxy inside a woman's purse.

A minute later, a huge giant of a human, devilishly shiny black in texture walked off the washroom. He was enormous, heavily muscled and even more heavily unattractive, yet the gun which was being referred in their conversation was huge with infinite 'u' in it.

"Holy Mother Of All Living Creatures" Mr.Roach led a grasp. He had seen human male dick before but never something of this size. It was almost like a trunk of a baby elephant, he saw in 'Discovery' channel. Except this b*****d of a thing wasn't flaccid, it was rock hard and saluting his House Lady.

"This is so crazy. What the heck is going on", Mr.Roach scratched his head."If this is a thing which went inside my House Lady all night, she has a black hole between her legs by now. How did she even survive this??"

He couldn't believe that they were going to do it again. An ancient ugly human ritual of coitus, which has forever disgusted him. He dared not to go through his horror again. Embarrassed, he slipped off the smooth leather of the purse and carefully tip toed through the maze of cigarette butts and half finished beer glasses. He had no idea where he was going but he needed to talk to someone and get some help. He tried to keep his eyes off the ritual which had already started in the bed. Blankets were thrown aside and the bed was slowly starting to creak now.

Ahead of him, stood something very unusual. He had never seen it before. A packet of a size of a cigarette blocked his way with finely printed "extra dotted condoms" written on it. He was no clue what the thing was, but what drew his curiosity was a translucent deflated 'balloon' like thing lying beside it. It was wet and something glue-ish oozed off it. It almost smelt like his House Lady's a*s.

He got closer very cautiously and examined it. He didn't knew why he was examining something he had no clue about, but it distracted him from the crazy s**t going on the bed. It must have been a momentarly lapse in his carefulness as he stepped two of his legs into the glue-ish thing only to realize that he was caught in it. He flexed every inch of his bruised cuticles but the legs stayed glued and more of it slowly flowed towards him. 

"F**k!! I'm damned. This thing will drown me in" screamed Mr.Roach cursing his luck.

"Oh hello there, Mr.Roach" giggled Chotu as he scurried out of nowhere. This little thing was always in stealth mode.

"Hello my dear friend. Help me please" Mr.Roach pleaded. Chotu led a small burst of giggle as he looked at the sight in front of him.

"Funny, you have caught yourself in a flood of human semen. That's so funny and gross" said Chotu, running his hands over his belly. He looked full.

"I didn't knew that. Please do something. I don't want to drown myself in his ugly smelling human semen."

"I can understand, brother. But you see, I over drank your Lady's blood today. I can barely move." Chotu led a dry chuckle. He always had fun being a jerk.

"Please, Chotu"

"What? Do you have any idea what dangers I've gone through last night. Damn real struggle, man"

"I bet not so dangerous as mine."

"Last night, i saw this movie about a vampire who sucks blood off human's neck and I thought it was super cool. So I sneak into your lady's bed, crawl into her neck and try sucking the blood like a vampire."

"That's fantastic, now f*****g pull me out of this glue", Mr-Roach tried to clam his breath.

"Oh wait, I'm not done yet. The moment I break in my tiny teeth into her smooth skin, your lady tries to squash me. Scared, I jump into her the valley between her breast. It was all dark, with no light. I was damn scared. But as hungry I was, I tried to suck off the blood off her boobies."

"Disgusting, but I'm glad you didn't starve to death."

"But I wasn't the only one sucking her boobies. You see that dark chocolate colored dinosaur over there who is humping your lady right now.That idiot was sharing my food as well."

"Trust me, he wasn't stealing your food. He was just involved in a human ritual of making babies."

"Come on, man. Don't you lie. Babies are supposed to suck those boobies, not the one who makes those babies. Do you think we Indians are illiterate?"

"Nah, just porn illiterate, maybe. But hey, I apologize. But I need help before I drown in this s**t."

"Ooooh isn't this the 'dark chocolate' flavored semen, blobbing out of a used condom.... looks like almost an over-used one actually" Chotu grinned and looked around. 

A tiny thread off the curtains danced in the breeze off the open windows. Immediately he pulled it and handed it over to Mr.Roach.

"Here you go. Pull yourself out and remember you owe me big time" he said.

"You can ask me anything, man. I'm so indebted" muttered Mr.Roach as he strained all his strength to slowly pull himself off the thing, inch by inch. Finally he succeeded and fell flaton the table, catching some breath.

Meanwhile Chotu busied himself watching the dark chocolate dinosaur ravaging the white pale tiny bit of a human female.

"It's fun, I recon" he chuckled "Plenty of hip thrusts here. Bollywood style yeah."

"Please stop looking there" said Mr.Roach. 

"Well now lets fix the bargain. I saved you life so you need to give me something, right?"

"Anything and everything. Jesus, I would be dead if it wasn't you."

"Okay so this pale white Lady of yours is mine from today."

"Woah, you're now trafficking humans now?"

"Cool. Deal is done then", Chotu shook his hand like a businessman and prepared to disappear again when Mr.Roach interrupted him.

"Hey listen Chotu. Okay the lady is yours. But hey, I have got into some serious s**t. Can we talk?"

"Entertain me" smiled Chotu (totally unaware that in some parallel universe, a young cute lady with big button eyes was reading his exploits and adventures and falling in love with his quirky character)

© 2019 Abhishek Izy

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Kkkkkkk😂....bold bold! Twas like as if am watching American pie animal version....
Seriously, I laughed at every line here....specially at the porn illiteracy matter....huh! Great!😁
Thanks so much and more for sharing this....keep knitting fun writes that'll help us in being happy for a moment....Be blessed :)

Posted 3 Years Ago

Abhishek Izy

3 Years Ago

Changed it to available for everyone :) :) ;)

3 Years Ago

Hmmmm.....I guess 18+s are hardly valued these days.....but, your one's a great read!😆 You're wel.. read more
Abhishek Izy

3 Years Ago


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Added on January 24, 2019
Last Updated on January 24, 2019
Tags: bed bugs, cockroaches, coitus, funny, humor, adventure


Abhishek Izy
Abhishek Izy

Bengaluru, India

Hello Everyone, This is Abhishek Kumar, and I had an old profile here which isn't accessible anymore under the pen name "AbhishekIzy". Hence creating an entirely new profile, though I might be import.. more..