Prologue

The blog I wrote but the names have been changed to protect those who do not wish to be pointed at.

 

Prologue:

 

Okay, those of you who know me, you know I don't want children. I have told you why (even though you tell me I would be a great parent.) There are also other reasons for me not wanting kids, reasons that aren't exactly my own. This is where I am confused.

You see, my significant other has never wanted kids. They told me this at the very beginning. We agreed that it would be a big mistake to ever ask the other for this request.

The other night I had a dream about something I posted in a previous blog. And well in this dream I was asked to do something that I not only was surprised by but also very scared of.

 

In my dream-

 

"Alex, would you consider going off of Depo Provera so we can start having kids?"

 

To my surprise, in my dream I was all for it. And that’s when I woke up. I woke up feeling guilty, confused and even more-so, like I was betraying the one I love so much. I realized subconsciously, I really do want kids. But then again I vowed never to push in that direction because I know you should never push anything, even if it’s something that you really desire, onto someone you care about. It’s cruel for everyone involved.

 

So now what does this have to do with anything? My feelings have been getting stronger, but I don't know how to tell them that. I know I can't keep this in forever, but how do you tell someone who you care about that you want something from them that they aren't willing to give. I feel so torn up inside. It distracts me at work, I can't look them in the eye without tearing up, and every time I look at them I want to jump them.

 

Maybe it’s just hormones and nerves, and the fact that my sister is getting married in 3 months. Right now it just seems unfair to be having these feelings right when I need to be supportive to my sister and her happiness. And then again maybe that’s why I am reacting this way. It could just be that I am jealous of her getting the spotlight, and that makes me feel even worse. Because then I am hurting her as well. 

 

It all burns down to one conclusion-- I am feeling like crap because I feel like I am hurting people I care about by being selfish. I don't want to be around my family or friends anymore because I feel I only will damage our relationship in some way- because I can't have my way. As someone once said, somewhere in my lifetime, "Suffer and sacrifice." But must we also live as hermits to keep those we love protected? That answer is yet to be learned.

Author's Note

Does this plot go somewhere?

Reviews

[Dawn Jones]

You sure this shouldnt be a blog somewhere?

I think that if you've discovered that there has been a change in you then you need to be true to yourself. If you have decided that there might be children in your future then you need to speak out and embrace it because, you're female, it's natural. And if the person you are with cannot compromise then they aren't the one you are supposed to be with. Children are a beautiful gift... and not one to be shared lightly with someone who doesnt want them.

As far as a plot line?... I think it could go somewhere if you were able to detatch yoursefl from the subject a little bit and look at it with less personal emotion. Perhaps open with more perspective on the character... take it out of first and put it into third to help yourself detach and give your readers more to see and understand.