Ode to Lady Limerence

A sexist satire

Lady Limerence, come to me, in my hour of need,

I require a lass, not just any lass, but one of a noble breed.

May she be skinny, fat, ugly, or the most attractive of them all,

All I am searching for is a woman who knows her duty and keeps her apron on,

Sandwich, bed, and love making shall be her main three chores,

And she will never, ever, burn my dinner, for fear of being thrown against the floor,

Cleaning she will do till her fingers turn numb,

But never shall she complain for she will be far too dumb.

Every word I say will be to her a divine creed,

and every night I don't beat her shall be considered a greatly generous deed.

Oh Lady don't consider me too kind,

When I allow her to leave the house,

 granted she is back with my beer before 4:45,

For who else will buy the groceries and the cleaning supplies,

and she will  need to go the gym, so I shan't be banging a swine.

Therefore, most honourable Lady send her with speed,

by the way that's a order, woman, so I'd advise you to take heed.

Author's Note

This is not meant to offend anyone I'm a girl.

Reviews

Oh, how I do enjoy this! Is that a hint of satire I see in there? :) I must say, I found this piece fairly amusing. Great Read!

[Sweets]

I loved this :)
Beautiful use of rhymes :)
Great work! :D

[Kenny L. Mitchell]

This was written by a 16 year old right? Thought so. Congrats on expressing your wisdom & maturity.

[Elizabeth]

Sounds like the kind of woman my father wants, considering he's an a*****e like that. A rather dark satire in my opinion, I like it though, you wrote it very well. I have no corrections to give. Great write.

[.]

LOL! Authors Note...waiting for the onslaught!! Brilliantly put together, although choppy in places..maybe that was meant, it didn't detract from the satire..LMAO!

[ORBLE]

Well I liked it a lot, I thought that the fact men actually did and (still do) think like this is unbelievable. Women deserve some respect, I thought it was a brilliant write and well worth sharing! You had a nice rhyme and rhythm running through all the way and a range of sophisticated vocab which is always nice to see :D Good one

[Sasha]

Well! This caught me off-guard. Though he is a sexist a*s, you gotta give the man credit for not caring what she looks like.
"and she will need to go the gym, so I shan't be banging a swine."
Nevermind. =/

"And she will never, ever, burn my dinner, for fear of being thrown against the floor,
and every night I don't beat her shall be considered a greatly generous deed."
Both lines are terrible, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh.

I loved the clever ending and creative concept. Great job.

[Kat Plunkett]

its stupid that some guys actually think this way. this poem pretty much went inside a shalllow man's mind. good write. :)

[Alicante lullaby]

loved the tincture of sarcasm in it...