Ode to Lady Limerence

A sexist satire

Lady Limerence, come to me, in my hour of need,

I require a lass, not just any lass, but one of a noble breed.

May she be skinny, fat, ugly, or the most attractive of them all,

All I am searching for is a woman who knows her duty and keeps her apron on,

Sandwich, bed, and love making shall be her main three chores,

And she will never, ever, burn my dinner, for fear of being thrown against the floor,

Cleaning she will do till her fingers turn numb,

But never shall she complain for she will be far too dumb.

Every word I say will be to her a divine creed,

and every night I don't beat her shall be considered a greatly generous deed.

Oh Lady don't consider me too kind,

When I allow her to leave the house,

 granted she is back with my beer before 4:45,

For who else will buy the groceries and the cleaning supplies,

and she will  need to go the gym, so I shan't be banging a swine.

Therefore, most honourable Lady send her with speed,

by the way that's a order, woman, so I'd advise you to take heed.

Author's Note

This is not meant to offend anyone I'm a girl.

Reviews

[Prodigo]

Pretty good. You're of a higher caliber than most of the people on this website. I can read your stuff without wondering if it's going to dumb down my writing as well. You write like you read, they say. BTW stick to storytelling. A wise man once said, you'll reach a point in writing where you have to make a choice; poetry or storytelling. I'm biased because I'm a story teller, but I like your stories much better and you're good at it.

[Orlando Murcia]

Very original and direct

Nicely done

[BloodRED6203]

Im not offended but this poem pisses me off. Not at you or anything, you did your work beautifully. The fact that some men still think women are nothing but slaves to them. They think there superior. Ugh!! That just pushes my buttons!!! Nice poem though you worded it beautifully.....and truthfully.

[Theresa]

I do really like the flow it has a great rhythm to it. Reading this makes me realize how lucky I am to have a boyfriend that is the total opposite of what you portray. A woman is more then a cook, maid and love maker. However that is not the case in many parts of the world and those are the women I thought of while reading this.

[Ross]

Cute...and amusing. I usually don't care for poetry, but this one's worth sharing!!!