When I Sit Quietly

We observe with the eyes but experience with the heart.

Here in my room all day I sit alone

I prefer the chair

where I can see far out my window

I hold nothing

not even someones attention

while I watch

grays become blues, deep feelings

of my remorse

then yellows sweet like honey

I taste alone

bittersweet green summer blooms

my bed empty

of red passion like fallen dusk

my eyes focus

past electric glare at distant bodies

I am not alone

white wings tap at my one window

drawn to.... 

my light

Author's Note

I tried to create a sort of inward and outward feel to the poem with this short line long line format. Hope it worked. Any and all reviews appreciated.

Reviews

[Kristin Lee]

It's as if your watching the world and all the while its watching you. It has such a sad tenor, even in the parts you tried to make lighter, but then you threw in that very last line...its almost as if its a life line floating out to sea. There's a light on and it's not going out no matter how gray the day gets. It really is a beautiful poem. The ebb and flow of the format works.

[Astro]

There is definitely an ebb and flow to this one, and the emotions bleed color making it understandable that you would find it sad, but again, in the end there is a shred of hope that keeps me going. Thanks for the thoughtful and honest review Kristin.

[Seth Durham]

I'm an introspective sort and have a love-hate relationship with solitude. I often envy those who seem to skip happily through life without ever giving it much thought (my wife is such a person). As for me, I need those days where I sit alone in my chair, gaze out at the world and journey inward.

[Dana Alsamsam]

this poem ebs and flows like the in and out breath of a lonely soul. a room so silent that you can hear every breath and syllable between them. i really like the structure. I find that it almost makes sense as two separate poems if you just read the long lines or just read the short lines and finish either of them with "drawn to my light"...o_0 so cool. your use of color was subtle and well incorporated. i really like this piece!

[Astro]

Thanks Dana, I'm glad you enjoyed the design and imagery of the piece along with the emotion.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Yeah, Angel takes care of you, that is why you are an awesome writer.

[Astro]

Thank you for the 'angelic' compliment.

[Melanie Genevieve]

I really enjoy this format and I love how you described the sunset

[Astro]

Thanks Genevieve. Unfortunately as creatively put as the sunset is, it's a bit depressing at times. ;)

[Melanie Genevieve]

indeed. just gotta keep trying to keep your head up

[Astro]

Thanks Melanie, I haven't given up yet.

[Troy Henson]

I enjoyed this Astro. The place we go when day dreaming can be such a warm, wonderful and peaceful place. You captured this very well.
Great one

Troy

[Astro]

Thanks troy, I'm glad you liked it. I really thought it would be seen as a more depressing write but so far, it seems to please.

[Astro]

I just revised it a bit to illustrate more the passing of a day, which I realized wasn't quite clear initially, so I hope if you liked the earlier version, that this will only increase the strength of the overall piece.

[Aseel]

well written when you are trying to explain your feelings and what is going on in your mind while you are sitting alone daydreaming .

[Astro]

It is a very reflective piece about my hobbit-like lifestyle of many hours sitting in my room, writing, "daydreaming", reading and pining. Thank you for the kind review Aseel.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

It worked quite well I think. I like the play on colors...the spectrum that you showed us was quite beautiful, especially in the way that you used them to show your feelings, but the best part by far was the ending; the moth at the window, drawn to your light, which I can only imagine as being bright white. Beautifully done.

[Astro]

Thank you Sarah, your words make me smile.