Let Me Be Your Ocean

Trying out a new style

I am here

Here where she is not

She...

Is...

Tied tightly, cinched up and fastened

Fixed and anchored.

She carries a spyglass with her

To witness the kaleidoscope of the sun

That plays upon the waves

Those watery windchimes lapping at her feet

Never loud enough to be heard by Neptune

Neptune's hushed ears are of his own making

Deafened by roaring seas

I say what need do we have of deaf Gods?

What need?

When I am here and...

She...

Is...

Cemented in stone, chained by the ankles

Nailed and planted.

Each day heeding the call

Walking the hot sand barefoot

Listening to my prayers in conch shells

My voice mute to Gods ears

But not hers 

She hears me curse...not the heavens

But the deep

I threaten to beat down the ever rising waves

To quiet, to silence,...to kill.

Let me be

Let me dive

Let me wave

She...

Is...

Devoted to life next to the water

Enchanted by golden skies above sinking fire

Where pebbled toes;

feel the movements of the heavens

as they rush up and down her calves

Two white cliffs apart from one another

I am here

She is...not.

...still I pray to deaf Gods...to let me be her ocean.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"I am here
She is...not.
...still I pray to deaf Gods...to let me be her ocean."
A amazing poem. The above lines stood out. You had my favorite in the poem. The gods, the sea and hope. No weakness in the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Astro]

Thank you very much Coyote, this is one of my personal favs. I'm grateful for your kind and complimentary review.

[m.s.early]

What use are gods anyway compared to her ears? Don't tip toe where the water meets the sand, go neck deep and be pulled by her ebb!

100 empty prayers!

[Astro]

Easier said than done, my good friend a man's muse is no muse at all if she's so easily caught. Much better to be beckoned by an ocean of waves that lead you to warm currents than to jump into the riptide and find oneself beyond their depth. ;) Thanks for the prayers, empty or otherwise.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

"Neptune's hushed ears are of his own making
Deafened by roaring seas" Wow, that piece spoke to me! The longing you expressed is so very much tangible. The body of it was incredible, and the ending sits on your heart for awhile.

[Astro]

I'm glad that you could feel my metaphorical palpitations within this piece. Thank you for this kind review as well.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

I definitely could feel them, it was my pleasure.

[Stevo The POE-t]

A powerful piece that I could read time and time again. I appreciate it when a man can write about a woman they could love that much if she was near them. I have been there myself. I have wrote a few poems about a fictional woman that I have fallen in love with over and over. If this man could find her it sounds to me like he would have found his soul mate. Once again man really great poem, and great use of words to describe what he feels for her... 10/10

[Astro]

Thank you very much Stevo, that was a really great review. Those lines come from the heart that's why I was able to create such beatiful lines. Glad you could appreciate these sentiments.

[Kristin Lee]

Astro, this piece is stunning. If we were back in the late 90's, it would be printed out and pinned up in my locker so I could read in every day, right next to my favorite Marilyn Monroe quotes of course. As it is, it will have to suffice to be save to my favorites list. Awesome job my friend.

[Astro]

Thanks Kristin, haven't seen you around much lately. When you are though, Writerscafe is that much brighter. Thank you for the awesome review. Peace.

[s y e]

I loved this Astro - you've written it really well with a lot of meaning and power. For trying out a new style it's an amazing first try.

~ Noodle

[Astro]

Thanks, I'm glad you loved it! Powerful inspirations yield the deepest and most creative ideas.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

In the first lines... seems your talking about a lighthouse... fixed and anchored... by your intentions in the verse as this unwraps in the words... except you use she... which changes the plot as you get more creative with the dialogue and reflect this person as a entity... instead of a real person... hoping on conditions that the event will be favorable... and the Gods to do not answer the calling... of your desire...

[Astro]

"She" is only an entity of my desire, a spark of possibility, an incomplete form so that is why I wrote it this way, in hopes of making "her" materialize because prayers have fell on mute ears until now. Thanks again for the review. Hope you liked it.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

This was an interesting read... made me think and otherwise... that's what people forget when they read... how to elaborate their cranium... otherwise just sits there like the other 90 percent...

[Astro]

Well I'm glad you are the type to put in the effort. Cheers, and I'll review some of your work when I get back from camping.

[Troy Henson]

I love the format here Astro. I sense a pause with the lines;
She....
Is....
From there the words they form a tone that is so eloquent and one that flows so well my friend. A very descriptive piece that produces beautiful heart felt emotion.
Well done
Regards
Troy

[Astro]

Thank you Troy, my hand can only follow in the footsteps of my heart when I write, sometimes it is still, other times staggered, but enjoyed best when it runs free.

[Troy Henson]

U are talented my friend :)

[Astro]

Thanks again!

[Dana Alsamsam]

"My voice mute to Gods ears
But not hers"

those lines really hit me. this "she" is painted like a mystical creature on a three dimensional canvas. i love how each time you state "she...is..." it's like turning on a faucet and the words after it are just cascades of incredible sentiments and descriptions.

wow and that last line is so incredibly perfect to finish this off. a quiet and harrowing desire to not just be where she is, but to engulf her and be the "movements of the heavens" that get to touch her skin. your wanting is palpable. great work.

[Astro]

Thanks Dana this is an incredible day for me, and your review has pushed me over the edge in terms of the overwhelming praise and support I've been given because of it. A very happy day indeed!!

[Dana Alsamsam]

happy to hear you're happy :)

[Astro]

Thanks again, hope you are too!

[Sorry Infamous]

Oh, wow.
This is in the vein of Nerado. I am absolutely in love with this sad ode to your ocean goddess.
The yearning is in between each line.
"Listening to my prayers in conch shells
My voice mute to Gods ears
But not hers "

perhaps she is yearning, as well.
Thanks for sharing.

[Astro]

I'm only a little familiar with the works of Neruda but from what I've read, I'll take the compliment. :) Thank you for the truly kind review!