Microstory 277: Perspective Fifty-Two

This is an experimental Perspectives microstory. The introduction can be found in Microstory 225. More to follow.

I know what to say. And I can teach you how to say it too. I hate the term pickup artist, but that’s what people call me, so I have to allow it. Unlike other teachers, I can tailor my lessons to utilize your personal skills. That’s why I always only run small class sizes. I don’t just give you lines to memorize, and I try to steer clear of negging. For anyone here who doesn’t know what that means, it’s basically giving someone an insult that’s wrapped inside of a compliment. What this does is convince your target that they’re good enough to be noticed, but also that they could do with some work, and--what luck--you happen to be there to help them. I shy away from this because, even though it has its place, it also sort of poisons the well. People are smarter than they used to be, and they read through these tricks. The only way seduction works in today’s day and age is to be genuinely interested in your target, or rather, be able to convince them that you are. It also doesn’t hurt to have something that sets you apart from all the other schmucks in the bar, as it were. But it doesn’t have to be a bar. There are plenty of places to pick someone up. If you’re in a grocery store, I recommend putting something in your cart that you’re target is buying, as a start. Unless it’s just milk, because everyone buys milk. Grocery stores are tough, and require a lot of nuance, so if you wanna learn that, you’re going to need to attend my advanced class. The dog park is a good place because people who like puppies like other people who like puppies. But this requires a commitment. If you just borrow a pet from a friend, your target will be able to tell. If you’re gonna do it, go big. Make it a rescue, and if you’re a man looking for a woman, make it an ugly dog. Honestly, women can’t resist an outcast animal. It draws them to you, and makes you look like you’re not superficial and shallow. Now if you’re here to become a pickup artist, then you might as well leave right now. I’m not here to teach you a “game” that you can play for your amusement. The fewer number of targets you speak to, and the higher number of successes you have, the better. I don’t want you to “play the field” and objectify others. You should be looking for a connection. Now, this connection doesn’t have to be marriage; it could still be a one-night stand, but your goal should be a phone number or a shared cab with one special person; not as many as you have time for. This introduction was free, but if you want to learn my method, it’s time to pay. Who’s in?