Night

A vampires dieing moments

The street was cold, the air was heavy, I pant to my self as I place my hand over my heart to try and stop the bleeding. Why? Why did I trust him? I ask my self as I stop to sit on an old bench in the streets of London.  I feel something rush up in my body; I bend over to let it out. I cough up blood.   

-

The night was young; I walk down the streets of London. I see a man, a tall one at that. He smiles at me, I smile back. We walk together, and talk about our selves. I feel safe with him for some reason.  “Come with me, I want to show you something.” A young man in his early twenties offered.  I nodded and followed him. We reach a large welcoming forest, I don’t know why I am following him I just am. The man’s long blonde silk like hair blew in the cold breeze of the night as we walked down a lovely forest trail. The forest was alive, birds and foxes ran about as we reached the deeper part of the forest.

  “Turn around.” He ordered, I gazed into his forest green eyes and nodded. I did what I was told. “Good bye vampire scum.” He said firing his gun into my back going right through my lung and into my heart. I fall to the ground in pain. The man laughs. “You are a foolish vampire girl.” The bullet wasn’t silver, but it surely hurt me. I look up at the man who was now in front of me with my forest green eyes, my jet black hair covered one of my eyes so I could only see out of one. “Why?” I ask him. All he does is smirk and walk away.  Once the man was gone, I stood up and made my way out of the forest.

-

I now watch the sun rise behind a few old buildings. I feel pain, my time is up...

I start to burn and then I turn to ash...

Good bye world...

 

Author's Note

Everything, it fails bad, for school but I need help in spelling and grammar.

Reviews

[Hanajima Saki]

I love it It made almost made me cry you could write a story for it

[Dark-skinned warrior]

There is no space in 'myself' and 'ourselves'.
Stick to one tense, don't switch from past to present.
It seems a bit unlikely being in London one moment then reaching a forest the next.
There are a couple more things relating to punctuation and general presentation of the piece, but it's by no means terrible; you've got a potentially nice little piece of writing here it just needs some work. I don't see why it would fail for school work (depending on what it was written for). However I can't help but ask, why vampires? And please don't say Twilight. By all means seek motivation and take influence, but direct it along a different path.

[Loki Grimm]

*high British voice* That was simply lovely darling, lovely!