Suddenly

Winter has its beautiful moments. But sometimes...

I threw on the breaks, reaching for my camera.  Sunlight fell in bright rays, sparkling like a thousand diamonds on the new snow.  It was just too perfect to let the moment pass by uncaptured. 

The wheels slid on the ice; my car rolled to a stop.  I lifted the lens, focusing, and…

Snap.

The picture on the screen did no justice to the snowy scene that was laid out before me.  The sunlight seemed flat, not like the sharp rays that poured through the snow covered bows.  It didn’t show the way that it sparkled on the fluffy snowflakes like a picture from a fairy tale.

I sighed, and kept on driving.  At least I remembered it in my mind.

I turned onto the highway, and the red needle of the speedometer spiked up before settling to a steady fifty-five.

My mind disappeared into sliding images.  I could picture dancers, moving in the snow in a choreographed piece, throbbing in and out in the changing shape of snowflakes.  I’d have to remember that, and think about turning it into a music video.

The sunlight disappeared.

The once clear sky turned abruptly gray, and billows of white blew across the road.  The red needle sank like a falling star as the snow engulfed me. 

My hands gripped the steering wheel.  The car ahead of me disappeared, and it felt like I had been dropped into a world of white where I was the only person.  I couldn’t see beyond the edge of the hood, couldn’t see beyond the small cubicle that surrounded me. 

I shouldn’t have come, I thought to myself. I shouldn’t be driving.

There was a blur of black; a Jeep passing me.

“Crazy person!”  I muttered to myself.  Why did they have to go so fast?

The taillights of the car ahead of me appeared again, gone again.  I almost let out a whimper. 

There was a wine of sirens.  I felt a bolt of panic rush through my body, hot on the heels of adrenaline.  I frantically searched for the source, but all I could see was the white. 

Then the lights of an ambulance appeared out of the snow ahead of me.  No more than twenty feet away, speeding past me down the road. 

I was left again in silence.  There was another blast of snow, which swirled around the hull of glass and metal.

A huge shape loomed ahead, appearing out of the white like knights from the mist.  Black, with jagged lines piercing the space around it; the dull halos of light.

My heart jumped to my throat. 

All I could see was the silver plate on the back.

Jeep.

Author's Note

I'm mostly curious if this is an effective piece of flash fiction. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[M. L. F.]

I can appreciate the difficulty in really conveying your story in such a small space. It was done well, but it gripped me so that honestly I would have loved to keep going. Not to sound like a selfish reader, but I would like to see this story continue a bit longer. I find there aren't that many writers who really try to pull the reader into their settings, something I value immensely, but you do so quite effectively, and there is something to be said for that... Great read..

[Zoli Fern]

Thank you so much! I'll post something longer next time :)

[M. L. F.]

Good, because I am picky and I love your writing ;) It's really interesting.. Keep it coming!

[Weeping willow]

Interesting story,kept me to the end,very sad.filled with images like in a movie your words took me through the story like I was seeing it;-]

[ckane]

Your description is excellent.

[Kaliope]

The imagery is beautiful in this piece, but it feels a tiny bit like two separate stories - the first magical half and second tragic one. Just an idea, but how about introducing the Jeep before everything turns dark and dangerous? That would give the narrative a more circular feel. On a technical level I noticed that you used a few times "there was". Especially in flash fiction, where every word counts I'd rather opt for strong verbs and avoid such vague constructs. It's not a big deal here, but if you go for even shorter pieces this wording quickly gets you into trouble :-)
Despite all my nitpicks I really enjoyed this story, it's very well written and setting up a scene as well as transporting the emotion in so few words is no small feat - you've done a great job here.

[Zoli Fern]

Thank you so so much! The point about having the Jeep in the beginning is great, and I agree with using strong verbs.
Once again, thank you!