Sanity < Delusion < Narcissism

Sanity < Delusion < Narcissism

A Poem by Niki Disaster


 I still am

I Have To Be.


it's gotten to be
difficult to differentiate between
  sleep and dream
wake and eyes wide open

and unfocused

it's more than i can account for
  excuses would be trivial compared to
the mountain they were intended to explain

i can't move land mass
 or anything
i have trouble just breathing sometimes
 and other times i don't remember who
the hell loves things like me
 anymore or anyway

"it's whatever"
i heard that the other day and laughed
 it's funny because it's true
and it hurts because it's sharp
    (despite the lack of articulation)
it must have found a rock of sorts
  because i felt a drop on my head
and now it trades me sleep for pills
 and now it gives me pain for rest
and i arrive each morning with less of myself
than i left with

it could have been forgotten
  at what point i can't decide
i had lost attention when it got misplaced
and the function of my stability
was now to undermine my better judgment
  and it did exactly that
  just as it always does.
In the form of a pill bottle powder or
i've got my eyes scanning
my hands grasping
and my mouth gasping
  and i keep coming up with
      scattered reality
 that don't tell me nearly as much

as The Whispers...

You left in my ears.

© 2008 Niki Disaster

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That was wrote with true feeling on life right?
Great write!!! Thanks for sharing.
Kelley Frost

Posted 12 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on April 16, 2008
Last Updated on April 23, 2008


Niki Disaster
Niki Disaster

Stockton, CA

I am a 21 year old college student up in northern California, Majoring in English and loving every moment. Everything I write is personal, all stemming from my personal experiences and emotions. I t.. more..


A Poem by Niki Disaster