The Great Play

I was born me

And grew up as a stranger

Put on skin like a suit, like armor

Synthetic as plastic

I was once an honest boy

Till honesty became a sin

I became a liar

I became corrected

Making them proud, all the while

I did my part

I became an actor in a play

But the show went on and on

And all the while I wondered

What would mother say, if she knew

What would mother do

If I was not the son she wanted

If I could not be who I was meant to be

The role my sex assigned to me

My innate rites, corrupted

A traitor of the genitals that determine

What the heart is to do

I the child that would be the last

The branch reached it's end

And the offspring stop with me

And all the while I wondered

What would father say

The brute tower I was to follow

My birthright allegiance

My involuntary idol

Father, the man, the christian

The homophobic master

Betraying the patriarch

The strength I did not have

Your words that have branded me for years

Merely words to you

"When you have a wife someday"

"When you have a child one day"

My innate promise

Shattered like glass

Cut like glass

Killing the fake

All the while I wondered

What would God say

A man and a woman

A man and a woman

Sodom and Gomorrah

Thou shall not, Thou shall not

Love

Betraying the savior

The judge, the monarch, the executioner

My birth was a mortal sin

Each breath is a damnation

Every day a crime

Each pulse an abomination

But I tried to fix myself

I self medicated with lies

The disease that was my fault

My suicide was penicillin

What's left is the shell

A war zone aftermath

A failed attempt

An unfamiliar face in the mirror

A new sickness, a new tragedy

All the while I wonder

What does silence say

Author's Note

I wrote this while I was rather tired so there may be mistakes, please point out any you see. I often struggle with poem organization so any suggestions please don't be shy. This is actually a very important poem to me so any criticism is helpful, you won't hurt my feelings. Thank you.

Reviews

[Vishuddha]

You cannot be what others want you to be, no matter how you love them. You cannot even be what you want to be. You can only be what you are. Right now you are a flower still opening and no doors are closed to you. Your attentions and intentions will take you and will make you into who you will become.
It is said we live in the End Times. This is believed by Christians and Muslims. In India they say we are in Kali Yuga. In Japan they call it Fukushima. Who knows what the gods say? I ask, do we need more children now when the earth is overflowing? Does it not seem nature is tired of us? So much fuss. The primary motivation of life is continuation of itself. It is not necessarily your primary motivation. All you need to do is be yourself. Anyway, this is today. Who knows what tomorrow brings? I should perhaps point out I am old enough to be your grandmother (68 on my last birthday) so I know life is full of surprises. I have even surprised myself sometimes. The poem is brave and beautiful. Sometimes, when you are tired, the words, realizing you aren't really in charge, just take care of themselves and you get a perfect poem.

[Abigail]

Great poem, I loved it! Silence says nothing, if we all stay silent than we will never be treated the same as everyone else. And I think Christians have it all wrong... being gay/lesbian is not a disease and it's not a sin. If we are all gods children (according to the bible) and he created each one of us to be special (according to christians) then how can they say that he didn't create me to be a lesbian? I was born this way and I'm happy with it! You did a wonderful job with this poem sweetie!

[Vanesa Markovic]

I'm not much of a critic, I'll leave that to others on the site, but I think what you have here is a great poem.
As part of the LGBT community, I can relate to your words on a very personal level.
The only way to live life, is to live it honestly, despite everything else.
Unfortunately, there will always be someone who doesn't approve, be it God, a friend, or your family.
You have to keep fighting for yourself, eventually you find your tribe and all the acceptance and love in the world.
-VM