remembered

This part is where lily goes to tell people what happened and nobody remembers her.

     I rushed home as fast as i could to tell mom and dad what had happened. I barged through the door and came face to face with dad. "Dad, dad help lola got sucked..."

     "I'm sorry little girl but what are you doing in my house?"

     "Dad? it's me lily." i said

     "I don't know who you are you need to leave before i call the police."

    "Dad no please this isn't funny dad."  i replied starting to cry.

     "I'm not your dad i don't have kids you need to leave or i will call the police.

     "Dad no please you have to remember me wheres mom? she'll remember me please."

     "Thats it i'm calling the police."

     "No dad... I'll leave but heres my cell number if you ever remember me." I ended giving him the folded up piece of paper.

     Then i headed for the streets, i  didn't know excatly where i was going as i wandered the streets. I couldn't stop thinking of how my dad had treated me and what had happened to my sister, it was all to much for me to handle. After walking for about a mile i came to my friend kelsi's house, "I know i'll ask kelsi to stay at her house for the night." I thought to myself and i rang the doorbell.

     Kelsi answered. "Hey kelsi i really need your help my dad doesn't remember me and i need..."

     "I'm sorry do i know you?"

     "Its me lily your best friend."

     "I don't know who you are sorry." she ended as she shut the door.

    "No one remembers me."

Author's Note

is the dialouge good

Reviews

[Emily]

thanks maybe yout right good prediction!!! but it may not end up excatly like that thanks though

[Tina Kline]

I found the right story! The dialouge is very good. The situation
in the story is rather scary! Maybe she is the one who got
sucked up and ended up somewhere else where everything and
everyone looks the same but isn't the same!
Very interesting!

[Hans von Lieven]

Yes Emily, your dialogue is convincing. I like your writing. One tip though, give the fancy font and the colours a miss, you don't need it and it does not help with a story (different for a poem, where it can contribute)

Keep at it, you have made a very good start here.

Hans von Lieven