OC 1. The Ordination

Jerome along with his peers is ordained to be a priest, even as he struggles within to step out of what he really is and what he would be projecting himself to be.....

The Ordination

(Elevation to the ultimate)

“Let those to be ordained to the order of priesthood, come forward”. The archdeacon’s summons for the ordinands echoed in the heavily packed church hall.

The faithful and the not-so-faithful spilled over in the tightly packed pews, while the rest jostled about in the swarming mass behind, elbowing and craning hard to catch a glimpse of the goings-on at the altar. It was a sight to behold… the bishop in the centre, and 4 priests each on either side, in resplendent glory. The occasion was the ordination of young catholic priests after 8 arduous years of spiritual training. It was a holy day for even the laity, as today the church was to churn out young priests to lead the ‘lost sheep’…..

The holy Mass was in progress with an enthusiastic choir belting out the tract. At the conclusion of it, the archdeacon rose and called out the names of the ordinands as they stepped forward, and kneeled in many semicircles before the bishop who in his mitre, sat on the faldstool in the middle of the altar. There were 37 of them….

The proud parents, seated in the reserved front pews, took their time, drinking in the sight of the apple-of-their-eye oh so radiant in the vestment! A prayer of thanks shot heavenwards in chorus from the depths of their hearts, for the divine opportunity they had had, to serve the church of God. Blessed were they for having dared to make as enormous an offertory as this!

The church hall buzzed with exclamations of the eager onlookers as the names were called out….. Anna and Jacob smiled with a sense of fulfilment as their son Jerome took his place before the bishop. Elizabeth and Raymond hugged each other as their dear Cletus walked up with his candle. A tear drop escaped Stephen’s eyes, now a widower, as his only son George walked up the altar. He recollected the fateful day when in the 6^th grade, George had come home and announced his wish to become a priest.....just like that. Since then he and Mary, his wife had lived with mixed feelings of guilt and remorse about having failed him somewhere. Three years ago, after Mary left him for her heavenly abode after a prolonged illness, he plodded on with a grit entirely new to him. He smiled ruefully, through his tears...

Today was indeed a great day…!

Done with the last of the names, the archdeacon looked up and raised his right hand, bringing the buzzing to an abrupt halt. All attention turned to the altar as one of the priests came up to the pulpit and read out the interdict, a last warning that anyone who received the sacrament under false pretences would incur the penalty of excommunication. The ordinands remained kneeling as the same priest followed up with a testimony in their favour.

“Most Reverend Father, our holy Mother the Catholic Church asks you to ordain these deacons here present to the burden of the priesthood”. The Archdeacon presented the candidates to the bishop.

The bishop’s voice boomed, “Do you know if they are worthy?”

“As far as human frailty allows one to know, I am certain and I testify that they are worthy to undertake the burden of this office.”

“Thanks be to God.”

The Bishop rose and standing by the altar, smiled benignly at the ordinands and the gathering…

“My dear brethren, as far as I can judge, the conduct of these deacons, who with God's help are to be ordained to priesthood, is commendable and is pleasing to God. In my opinion then, they are deserving of being promoted to a higher honour in the Church”. The awed laity briskly nodded assent, though unwarranted.

The bishop continued after a brief pause, now in exhortation to the candidates:

“My dear sons, who are about to be consecrated to the office of the priesthood, endeavour to receive that office worthily, and once ordained, strive to discharge it in a praiseworthy manner. A priest's duties are to offer sacrifice, to bless, to govern, to preach, and to baptize. So high a dignity should be approached with great awe, and care must be taken that those chosen for it are recommended by eminent wisdom, upright character, and a long-standing virtuous life. Thus it was that when the Lord commanded Moses…………….”

“…the vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience…..” The words echoed in Jerome’s ear. Oh, enough of this! Why am I dwelling on all that? He shook his head as if to erase the intruding thoughts. He had been groomed with opulence around him, his every need unquestionably and promptly attended to. He couldn’t imagine a life of poverty, whatever that meant. But he would certainly spend some time for the poor and the downtrodden. Hence those vows didn’t make any sense now.

The bishop’s voice droned on….. “……by the help of the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit, you are faithful to the Ten Commandments, and display soundness and maturity in knowledge and in action……………………”

Kneeling there before the bishop, he broke into cold sweat, “Faithful to ten commandments…..” He had to go over that once again…especially those…

“..... thou shalt not commit adultery…” Well, it had the ‘celibacy’ issue. His mind was riddled with flashing images of Beatrice, the Mother Superior, who had nonchalantly sliced through his naiveté during his period of initiation, and his subsequent cruise into the world of fornication.

“…...thou shalt not covet…..” and……..Forget it …forget it….! But how could he?... he felt no remorse over the series of intimacies he’d shared with women from different walks of life. Then why was he all of a sudden hit by the guilt pangs? Remember… ‘human frailty’. He told himself..

“….therefore, my dear sons, chosen as you are, keep yourselves blameless in a life of chastity and sanctity.………….”

This was surreal! He allowed himself a wry smile. Ah at last he was going to be a priest, all chaste and pious! A shudder ran down his spine even as he gripped hard the lighted candle in his hand, his eyes dancing with the flickering flame. But wait again. What was he for real? Is this what he’d intended to be? A chill gripped his heart as it frantically thrashed against his rib cage …. Was he going to faint? No please God...not now…! Forget…forget!! Just balderdash!

That was a stupid thing to think about, at this juncture! After all, what say did he have in all that was happening to him right now? Nothing at all, just nothing. This had been predicted at the time of his birth. That’s what his mom and dad had told him, supported by Susan his elder sister and all the others at home and around. He’d been told that he was “God’s-chosen”. So why was he ruminating after 24 long years?....or at least after 8 years of life in the Seminary?

His thoughts raced back to the beginning…of his preordination…his preparation as the Offertory Chick….. …..

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Brother, what a robust boy….all of 4 kg!” Rosy, his paternal aunt gushed as she swaddled the bawling baby in pale blue baby sheets and handed him over to his father. Cuddling and rocking him close to his chest, Jacob gazed into the most handsome face he’d ever set his eyes on. The raven black hair, the pink face marked with jet black eyes, thick eyebrows, a pert little nose and a generous mouth, made him look ethereal. Soon the baby calmed down and snuggled closer to his father.

“Thanks to God almighty”, Jacob made a sign of cross, for things having culminated peacefully at the 6^thdelivery of his dear wife Anna.

Monday morning saw Jacob’s home draped in festive air. Neighbours had gathered for the celebration. Susan, Robin, Mary, Jessy and Albert peered at their baby brother, as he smiled in his sleep. Each one cooed and marvelled at the fine looking cherub. It was the third day after the birth of Jerome and mother and baby had finally come home from hospital amidst great rejoicing. Lifting him tenderly, Jacob placed the baby in the hands of Father Isaac, the parish priest, who had been specially invited to grace the celebrations.

Father Isaac held the baby, “Ah yes, a healthy boy indeed. Mmm….” he studied the child closely, “this child has a divinity about him, a miracle indeed! Do you see it Jacob?”

“Yes father, of course”. Jacob beamed at the compliment. All his five children were handsome, and so was this little one. His chest swelled with joy and pride. Anna smiled with satisfaction. Each one of her children was a blessing from God.

“No you didn’t Jacob”, Father Isaac mused, as a hush fell, with some looking on wide eyed, some frowning and others scratching their head to catch his thoughts as they fell over each other to once again examine the newborn.

“He is preordained to be God’s chosen…” The pronouncement was more a verdict from the blue. His compassionate smile swept over the parents and those around, who looked on confused....

“….to serve the church. It’s as clear as the day. Blessed is this house for this little boy. Jacob, you are a blessed man and Anna a blessed woman, for your son will be a great priest someday”

“What???” A loud gasp and a chorus from those gathered around.

Father Isaac continued unruffled, “Yes, the truth has to be revealed. This child is not an ordinary human being. He shows signs of being God’s chosen. Hence I suggest that as a good Christian, you must prepare him to be ordained as a catholic priest when the time comes.”

“Praise to God”. The neighbours and the family made the sign of the cross for the auspicious announcement. The priest departed leaving stillness behind. One could have heard a pin drop…

Gone was the lustre of the celebration. Anna and Jacob failed to come to terms with the unexpected turn of events...... Compelled on one end, to be grateful to God for the divine providence that had come knocking unexpectedly at their door and at the same time hit with grief at the thought of giving away their dear child.

Jacob slumped in the chair, his shoulders drooping. Anna tightly hugged her little one to her bosom, an unknown fear of loss enveloping her. The baby gave a loud bawl and she promptly put him to her breast, her face crestfallen, utter chaos battling in her naïve mind. Giving away one’s son or daughter to the church was not an unheard fact in the community. But it had never occurred to them that one day it would be their turn and that too so suddenly. God, how could they?? Given that they already had three daughters and two sons, they treasured each one of them. Things had happened so fast.

Hushed whispers did the rounds in the neighbourhood, some filled with pity and most of them with admiration and envy at the family’s unexpected heavenly fortune. Elders met and deliberated over the pros and cons of carrying out the decree. The baby lay curled up in the cradle, oblivious to the enormous turmoil in the air, his innocent face breaking into a smile now and then...

Albert, a month to go for his 3^rd birthday, made a grab for the newborn’s hands… “Ooooh such tiny fingers. I love my baby!”… he cooed, his bright eyes twinkling.

“Hush, don’t touch him!” Susan pulled him back. “Didn’t you hear, he’s a special child….God’s child.”.

“So what?”Jessy interjected rolling her innocent eyes. “He’s such a cute baby and he’s our little brother.” At 6 she was sharp witted and knew her rights as the elder sister. “Dad has told us that we are all God’s children. He’s such a chweeet baby!” She reached out and tweaked his cheeks, and the baby stretched in his bed…

As the heated debate continued on kinship claims, Robin and Mary managed to plant a good number of kisses on the babe.

Susan, now 13 and the eldest of 6 siblings, pulled them aside. She was after all responsible and old enough to educate her younger siblings. “Now listen all of you. One day he will become a Priest, like our Father Isaac”. She resumed her little speech amidst several ooh’s and aaah’s from the motley group, feeling rather important, “….and so we should give him all respect as we do to Father Isaac, or else God will be angry with us. He’s not to be pummelled and kicked about like the rest of us. Do you get that?”

“It’s ok if you kiss him or hug him now that he’s a baby. After he begins to walk about, treat him with respect. And my little dears, do also give him all help that he would want and don’t ever make him ask for anything.” Anna chimed in smilingly, as five heads slowly nodded in awed assent. The little baby seemed to grow large in holy proportions, as they looked at him, a halo forming around him!!

Both Anna and Jacob had accepted the divine verdict…

* * * * * * * * *

“…….So be it by His grace.” The bishop concluded.

The church echoed…“Amen.”….

Shaking out of his short reverie, Jerome joined the ordinands to prostrate on the floor for the Litany of the Saints. The bishop blessed them, symbolically transmitting the power which he himself had received from Christ through the apostles and their successors. The other priests then stepped forward to bless them….

…more prayers……….

The bishop then invested each one with the chasuble saying, “Take the yoke of the Lord, for His yoke is sweet and His burden light. Take the vestment of priesthood which signifies charity, for God is able to advance you in charity and in perfection.”

The ordained responded, “Thanks be to God.”

The bishop then rose, removed the mitre, and intoned the “Veni creator” and the choir took over. The melodious hymn filled the church…..”Come holy ghost creator blest…….”

“Aah I feel sanctified and powerful! …and so different from those lay faithful jostling out there. Hey, I feel like the messiah…..and there’s ll those sheep out there….Don’t you too feel so too Jerry?” Mathew muttered under his breath with a stifled guffaw. The other ordinands glared in his direction.

The choir sang lustily, accompanied with a robust church organ…

…. “Huh? ….umm…!” Jerome didn’t actually feel any different standing there. Perhaps that was because he had lived his life with the “hallowed” feeling as far back as he could remember.….

His thoughts raced once again….back into his childhood, when he had felt something strange about himself. He had been different from the other children…like a divine being.

...The reverential treatment by his siblings, the extra kindness and consideration on the part of his parents, bordering on respect! In their three bedroom house located in the countryside, he had a decently furnished room all to himself. His parents occupied one and the third room was shared by his 5 siblings. As they grew older, his two brothers had moved out into the living room. Later when he left for the Seminary, they had occupied his room. He was served the best food, the best piece of chicken and the largest serving of dessert…. He was given the first preference to choose anything in the house. It was all there for his asking. Yet….

There were times when he wondered if something was wrong with him. But there was Susan to rescue him from the negative thoughts. She explained him of the divine reason for his special status at home. It was as if he carried an invisible halo about him. He was glad at first, with the importance he got from all and the safety he had from getting dragged into the brawls and fights with the other children. As time passed he began to miss the physical contacts and the camaraderie which his siblings shared with their peers.

He yearned for a hug and a kiss, a slap or a punch from his loved ones, a brawl or a tussle with his siblings or other children, or at least a verbal duel. But that was not to be. In his loneliness he dreamt of hugging his parents and of getting a thorough scolding or a bashing from the elders. A constant feeling of isolation nibbled at his heart. He frantically looked around for someone to open up his heart to….to confide in. But sadly all those around him were ‘ordinary mortals’…He wept with frustration behind the closed doors of his room, when his family carried on with the household chores leaving him ‘undisturbed’ in his ‘prayer’.

The reverential treatment continued even in the school where he enjoyed a special status, with teachers and his classmates giving him due ‘respect’ which he grew to loathe, with an equally frustrated feeling. He wished to cry out and get it out of his system, but feared the consequences….until finally he reconciled himself to the necessity of upholding the image thrust upon him. An emptiness replaced his aches and yearnings and he settled to accept and enjoy what destiny had doled out to him.

“Move you dreamer” George nudged him….. “time to walk up to the Bishop…”

* * * * * * * *

The bishop anointed the hands of the ordained as he chanted prayers, “....that whatever they bless may be blessed, and whatever they consecrate may be consecrated in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

“ Amen.”

Presenting the Host and Chalice, the bishop uttered, “Receive the power to offer sacrifice to God, and to celebrate Masses for the living and the dead, in the name of the Lord.”

“ Amen.”

The choir crooned the alleluia and all joined in. Then followed the concelebration of the Mass, the offertory and the holy communion. The bishop blessed the ordained, and Jerome along with the ordinands joined in the recitation of the Creed…a summary of the faith they will henceforth preach:“I believe in God, the Father almighty…..”

“Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained. May the Lord clothe you with the robe of innocence.” This was the taking the Promise of reverence and obedience from the ordained. “The peace of the Lord be with you always”.

“Amen”.

The bishop then admonished the ordained to learn carefully from other experienced priests the ritual of the whole Mass--the consecration, the breaking of the host, and the communion. The Mass concluded after the Final Exhortation and the ordained gracefully marched out, followed by the priests and the bishop coming in last…..

Jerome walked on air, a kind of holiness and liberation enveloping him. Liberated from what? ..the domestic front of course, where he had to keep his sentiments under check. Now he was a free bird! Again the strange tug at his heart strings. Was he in reality, worthy of the robe of innocence? Could he actually lead a holy and devout life, forgiving sins? How could he forgive sins, when…. How could he forgive other’s sins, when he was not free of sins himself?... Could he live in peace? Once again the pounding in his chest…harder and harder….. He clutched his chest and stood there, leaning on the threshold of the sacristy...

“Calm down Jerry”, he told himself. “another 6 months of deaconry, and you’ll be a priest, ordained by His Holiness to lead the ‘lost sheep’, and that’s what matters, at last. That’s for what you were born and groomed through all the years. The rest is passé”.

The party began. Parents and parishioners wished them luck and joined in the elaborate lunch that was laid out. Anna and Jacob looked with reverence at their youngest born, now a leader of the ‘lost sheep’, standing amongst his kind, his face radiant with a joy never seen before. They reminisced the days when he was born, Father Isaac and his prophecy, and the days that followed when they fought hard to restrain themselves from scooping him up into their arms and smothering him with kisses.

There he was walking towards them. Their naïve hearts filled with awe.

“So, enjoying the party hm?” he said smiling

“Yes f..father”, Anna managed to blurt out taking in the new visage of her son that was. Susan now a buxom lady and a mother of two children, stepped forward tagged along with her husband Samuel and began her prattle.

The crowd began to dwindle. Birds flew homewards. It was time to leave. They hadn’t realized it was so late! The families wished their sons-turned-priests a farewell and took their leave.

Fr Jerome smiled kindly to what had once been his family. Did he see a tear in his mother’s eyes? Abruptly he turned away. All that was passé too.

He took long strides toward the church. He belonged here. Yes, he had found his Home at last …!