My galaxy love

My galaxy love

A Poem by Nomo

These tears keep falling
Knowing I can't be by your side
Day and night
I miss you terribly
My arms feel empty without you
I miss the way that we danced
Our words twisting a new poem
Gentle carcasses and sweet whispers
Falling asleep to your words
My lips are cold without you
My bed feels empty everynight
Not being near you is taken a toll on my heart
My heart is breaking and bleeding for you
I miss you so terribly...
I miss the way we would hold hands
You were my sun and I was your earth
You were my galaxy and I was your star
I love you

© 2021 Nomo


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carcasses --> caresses? Better fix that becuz it's distracting & far from your meaning!

Brace yourself, becuz you're gonna get slammed for this trite piece of bellyaching and I can't think of how to say it more gently. This is everything I hate about love poems. This isn't a poem about love. This is a self-absorbed narrator whining becuz she can't have the object she wants. Waaaa! I guess it's nice to tell a person that he's missed, but to me, this is too much like all the other whiny love poems posted on this website. There's nothing to distinguish this poem, or the person this poem is written about. I feel I hardly know the object of this narrator's obsession.

What's different about this guy? That's what will make your poem different from the masses of whiny love poems that get written all the time. Show me something HE does that make him HIM. Dancing & caressing & whispering are boring non-descriptive generalizations. Learn to speak love in terms of specifics. Give me details. What does he look like? What does he smell like? What does he taste like? Be imaginative. Show me what makes him different & memorable. Show an anecdote that illustrates the CRUX of what makes this guy special. Does he squeeze you fresh orange juice? Does he jump up after sex & play the guitar for you? Does he bring you something you can't live without, like your favorite coffee (be specific!) These are the details that make the reader feel like we are also in love with this guy.

But also, we want to know about the tough aspects of being around a person, the ways you also put aside your feelings or your wants & give this guy some real love & attention. Show us the contrasts that happen in every corner of life. A steady diet of dancing & caresses gets boring. Show me real life.

Thank you for tolerating me coming down hard on you. I just don't believe that other people were put on this earth to make us happy --> that's nothing like what love is about! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.



Reviews

Heart-ache isn’t an easy thing to go through, but unfortunately most people have experienced this. It’s the journey of life, where things like this are to make you stronger and learn from the to make you a better person. It’s obvious that things weren’t meant to be between you and the other person involved. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t find someone else. I do agree with Barleygirl that it’s hard for the reader to connect the dots as to why this person means so much to you when there isn’t any description made about them. It makes it feel like any other ordinary love poem where they have lost someone.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Has the sound of deifying another, as so many love poems do. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as the saying goes. Spend a year with this individual and see if the feeling is the same.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I did like dear Nomo the below lines.
"I miss the way we would hold hands
You were my sun and I was your earth
You were my galaxy and I was your star
I love you"
When someone make us happy, they become a part of us. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 3 Years Ago


I like this write it shows amazing of a writer you are, I also wanted to thank you for helping me

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nomo

3 Years Ago

Always. :)
carcasses --> caresses? Better fix that becuz it's distracting & far from your meaning!

Brace yourself, becuz you're gonna get slammed for this trite piece of bellyaching and I can't think of how to say it more gently. This is everything I hate about love poems. This isn't a poem about love. This is a self-absorbed narrator whining becuz she can't have the object she wants. Waaaa! I guess it's nice to tell a person that he's missed, but to me, this is too much like all the other whiny love poems posted on this website. There's nothing to distinguish this poem, or the person this poem is written about. I feel I hardly know the object of this narrator's obsession.

What's different about this guy? That's what will make your poem different from the masses of whiny love poems that get written all the time. Show me something HE does that make him HIM. Dancing & caressing & whispering are boring non-descriptive generalizations. Learn to speak love in terms of specifics. Give me details. What does he look like? What does he smell like? What does he taste like? Be imaginative. Show me what makes him different & memorable. Show an anecdote that illustrates the CRUX of what makes this guy special. Does he squeeze you fresh orange juice? Does he jump up after sex & play the guitar for you? Does he bring you something you can't live without, like your favorite coffee (be specific!) These are the details that make the reader feel like we are also in love with this guy.

But also, we want to know about the tough aspects of being around a person, the ways you also put aside your feelings or your wants & give this guy some real love & attention. Show us the contrasts that happen in every corner of life. A steady diet of dancing & caresses gets boring. Show me real life.

Thank you for tolerating me coming down hard on you. I just don't believe that other people were put on this earth to make us happy --> that's nothing like what love is about! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
A lover's lament and well written.

This line - Not being near you is taken a toll on my heart - maybe - Not being near you has taken a toll on my heart

I can certainly feel the emotion ... the longing involved

Posted 3 Years Ago


memories is a great thing,but reality is best

Posted 3 Years Ago



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Added on April 21, 2021
Last Updated on April 21, 2021

Author

Nomo
Nomo

Menomonie, WI



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