Where did it go wrong

Sitting in a life

wondering where does it end

How can I make it quicker

To see the end

I see the truth of so many things

I use my mind to block them out

I don't want to believe that

I don't want to remember things from my past

Yet they are a part of me now

Maybe it's true my past doesn't define who I am

I left my addiction with the bottle behind

I still don't love me

I don't know how to be whole

I don't love who I am

How can I give myself what I need?

I woke up this morning wishing I was dead

I had these thoughts before

But today scared me

I wished it to be true

My blade is still sitting there waiting for me

My gun under my bed

My second thought "which one to use"

I scared myself this morning

I wished I never had fallen asleep for those last two hours in the night

The nightmares overcame me

All I feel is pain

These tears won't stop falling

I sit in class wondering what am I doing

Where did I go wrong?

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This poem realistically shows the torment some go thru, blaming themselves for whatever isn't going right. I'm sorry if this poem is autobiographical, sorry that you feel this way so often as to write about it like it's a regular part of life. When I read this, I know there's nothing anyone can say to a person who feels this way. Nothing could convince this narrator that he/she isn't the problem. The only thing that will change this recurring storyline is to find & cultivate self-love, which takes years for someone that feels the way this narrator feels. Fake it until you make it -- that's how I finally found self-love. It felt fake at first, but eventually it develops into the real deal. Self-love -- it's a worthy goal & you'll make it someday. Despite this poem showing a person down on him/herself, I also see a ton of strength & resolve . . . this narrator can do anything he/she sets her mind to do (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[sedulous_mind]

I totally agree with barleygirl. Couldn´t have said it in a better way!

I really feel your pain while reading your lines. But I also see your strength going through this really difficult time of your life. I do not think that you did anything wrong in your life or that it is your fault that you feel this way. If I could help you or say anything which makes you feel better, I would. But as barleygirl says: "there's nothing anyone can say to a person who feels this way". From my personal perspective, I can only tell you it gets better, and if it does not get better, you will learn to handle it better.

Take care - S

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

I too agree with you Barleygirl. All we can do is show our support to help you through this.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

We all feel your pain, and we all want to help you get through this. But only you can fight of the demons that lives among yourself. You have a lot of inner strength within yourself to get through it. You may not believe in yourself but everyone else around you does.

[wordman]

but only you can kill the demon within

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful, honest and direct thoughts dear Nomo.
"I left my addiction with the bottle behind
I still don't love me
I don't know how to be whole
I don't love who I am"
The above lines I understood. When I was young. I was foolish and I pay in karma for the bad deeds. With life and new journey. We can learn. We are okay. Just human. Thank you dear friend for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[A magic smile (◕ᴗ�..]

Ego ,
Lack of ability to believe.

[Nix Is Still Typing...]

Oh, sweetie...I shoulda told you what was wrong last night, I'm sorry, my email was closed, and I didn't see you email. Ily Nomo!!! Just a little longer, sweets, that's all you have to withstand...just a little longer...

Lovingly, Nix ❤️❤️❤️

[Nomo]

I love you too, I just wish some things were different... I hope longer doesn't take to long

[Nix Is Still Typing...]

I know hun, but we gotta power thru what we gotta power thru if we wanna get to where we're going...you know I'm here for you always...
Always :)

[Nomo]

I know your here always, you my shoulder to cry on and I am yours... always know that I can help in anyway

[Nix Is Still Typing...]

I know :) Thanks, sweets :)

[littlekinglord]

wow,That was a very thoughtful and emotional write. I really hope you find your happiness because you DO
DESERVE IT.

[Nomo]

I always thought happiness is around the corner, I keep holding onto that thought.
Thank you for your review!

[littlekinglord]

yeah anytime, no offense but I will always help the caring,funny damsel in distress. Think of me as Nightwing your knight in shining armor.

[Nomo]

lol, thank you, Nightwing :)

[littlekinglord]

lol your welcome my dear nomo.
O nomo, nomo, wherefore art thou nomo?
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love.
A little romeo and juliet for you with a little twist.

[Nomo]

I love shakspear! I have a book of his works sitting on my bed at home! thank you for the little twist from Romeo and Juliet!

[littlekinglord]

I played Romeo and Juliet, Troy Bolton in High School Musical, and Danny Zuko from Greese. I have played in these three plays and I am in choir, song-writer and singer and a romantic at heart but if you looked at me you would not think that. I am a 6ft 1 17 year old with muscles and jock persona that i don't even understand.

[Nomo]

I was never into doing plays, tho I love watching them. I can't sing to save my life lol, sometimes the little things about a person can be the biggest surprise of all.

[littlekinglord]

thank you I just wish I could put a face to the name

[Nomo]

I know how you feel