Prologue

Prologue

A Chapter by Norah
"

“Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”

"


I was born on the 19th of December, 1997. I was a fat, shy, but confident baby. I weighted forty when I was 8 years old. And by that age, I stopped eating any kind of meat and decided to become a vegetarian. Growing up, I had so many friends and then it was in 5th or 6th grade when things completely changed. Everyone started caring about what others thought of them, and I was the unfit kid to be friends with. In that time, I had a friend who left me for new friends for five times but kept coming back to me. I was too desperate to not take her back. I knew I was unloved and loathed. Aside from school, I hated home. My family consists of six; my parents, my three sisters, and me. I was neither the oldest nor the youngest, I was the abandoned. I wasn’t abandoned physically at all, but most of my feelings were tossed and disregarded. I grew up odd. I was awfully sensitive, sentimental and moody. In the beginning of my teenage years, I started to act differently. Not because I changed, but because people and places forced me to. I hated that. I hated myself. I hated them all. It was the first time I say it; that I hate somebody. I was the kind of person who always wished for things to be perfect and people to be good. I wanted to belong to a loving environment. Home was like a war to me. You either prove yourself or you are going to get stepped on. I didn’t get the chance to prove myself I was discounted and judged from the start. When I said I was a shy baby, I meant that I wouldn't or maybe couldn’t, talk to anybody who was not close to me. The people I talked to were very few, but it didn’t bother me. As a kid, I was not very aware of the things around me even when I was old enough to. I have always sought a time alone with myself just to dive back into the world I created in my mind. That world made me so happy that I wished it was real. I used to answer most of the questions with “I don’t know”, or just say “okay” so I can be left alone. That world caused me pain because I didn’t know how to control it. I was there more than here. Each time I come back, I feel like I missed a lot. It also made people think that I was careless, or had no personality. For being myself I was criticised. I cannot say most of the time, but all the time. At home, lunch or dinner time. During my happiest moments, when I was playing with other kids or just sitting. By my parents, some family members, and sisters. The more I was blamed for being who I am, the more I turned shaky and easily frightened. I didn’t know what to reply with, I remained silent all the time. And I kind of took that as an advantage. It showed them that their constant disapprovals didn’t affect me. Nothing actually stopped me from living my life as a child. But every night, before I close my eyes, I would stop at a point and just wonder. “Why did momma tell me that? Why did my dad laugh at me with my sister? Why are there some of them who can’t like me? Do they hate me? Nobody loves me, this is the only truth. Starting from tomorrow, I wont love them too.” And I wake up the next morning not hating anybody, thinking that I was only exaggerating. The innocence I had at that time exposed me to so much hurt. It made me think of the world as a dark place. Although it is true, I think it was too early for me to start seeing it this way. 



© 2017 Norah


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hello Norah, i thought this was a very powerful prologue, and if you keep writing i'll keep reading.

my overall impression is that this narrator has a remarkably high level of self-awareness despite being "not very aware of things around me." the overall conflict of the narrator doesn't seem to be self-acceptance but acceptance from the world. some of the things you wrote seem uncomfortably close to things i've experienced too, and probably the most powerful line in this for me was "blamed for being who I am." i understand that, and one thing someone once told me that really helped me out was: "whatever other people think about me is none of my business," meaning that what people think about you says more about their character and who they are rather than what they're actually saying about you (so if someone treats you poorly, it's because they're just a mean person, not that anything they say is accurate or reflects you); it was very eye-opening for me! after reading this about four times, i'm left wondering: is there still hope? and that keeps me wanting to read more.

just one suggestion: maybe break this into several paragraphs. i just thought it was a little difficult to read visually as one big paragraph.

anyway, welcome to writers cafe, and thank you for sharing!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Have twice read this epilogue.. and am amazed and impressed by the wonderful phrasing, it flows what could be a long extent of words with both highs and lows, light and dark.

( Just noticed on the second read, the one negative from the person below and agree: to divide your block of writing into relevant paragaphs. Draws the eyes in rather than blinds them, perhaps. )

This is full of the most complex exploration of how YOU see yourself.. how YOU feel about people's reaction to you.. and yet nowhere do YOU say, I'm proud to be different, proud of my uniqueness.. i've crawled inside my skin, overly aware of rejection yet never nudged life and people in the gurs and said, LIVE AND LET LIVE..

The world is a dark place but we all have the power - literally, to create our own light. Smile bright as your heart and mind allows, my friend.

Will return to read more.. and more.. and more.. i pray for a happy ending.. one day.. please... very much. x

Posted 2 Years Ago


I await further characterization and exploration...

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Always been fond of reading life stories- one of my favourite books has always been Charles Dickens' David Copperfield- and your prologue left me looking forward to reading your book. Can't wait to read what's to come :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Norah

2 Years Ago

Thank you!
life and people can be tough,but a lot of people is so shallow,do things for your self

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hi MondaineGarco!
Thanks for your feedback and the sweet things you said. This prologue that you read I wrote a year ago and didn't have the courage to share. And for the rest of the book, I have few chapters done but not organised. I actually don't know what is the book I'm writing I just convey how I feel and things I've been through. I'm so glad you liked it!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

PaintedBirdy

2 Years Ago

you're very welcome :)
hello Norah, i thought this was a very powerful prologue, and if you keep writing i'll keep reading.

my overall impression is that this narrator has a remarkably high level of self-awareness despite being "not very aware of things around me." the overall conflict of the narrator doesn't seem to be self-acceptance but acceptance from the world. some of the things you wrote seem uncomfortably close to things i've experienced too, and probably the most powerful line in this for me was "blamed for being who I am." i understand that, and one thing someone once told me that really helped me out was: "whatever other people think about me is none of my business," meaning that what people think about you says more about their character and who they are rather than what they're actually saying about you (so if someone treats you poorly, it's because they're just a mean person, not that anything they say is accurate or reflects you); it was very eye-opening for me! after reading this about four times, i'm left wondering: is there still hope? and that keeps me wanting to read more.

just one suggestion: maybe break this into several paragraphs. i just thought it was a little difficult to read visually as one big paragraph.

anyway, welcome to writers cafe, and thank you for sharing!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 23, 2017
Last Updated on July 3, 2017
Tags: Depression, Anxiety, Childhood, Bad memories, Hate, Pain


Author

Norah
Norah

About
My name is Norah. I'm a very quiet person and I love writing. My writings are random and I'm working on publishing a book. more..

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