More on Hospital fashions.

More on Hospital fashions.

A Poem by Norman223
"

Recalling an incident last year, at a less organised hospital than my current "adventure playground"

"



All I had was a phone call

From the Hospital to go for a test

They said they would send me a letter

With instructions, but as you have guessed.

It never arrived, so I failed to take

A dressing gown - As no one had said

That I'd have to strip, so they gave me, instead

A substitute, but the thing they supplied

Was a flowery back-to-front, loosely tied,

Cotton affair that safely concealed

My front, but my naked butt was clearly revealed.

 

So a second gown worn the other way round 

Preserved my modesty, but was not à la mode   

 But worse was to come, as I later found.                

In this whole embarrassing episode

Now the cystoscopy was  deeply intrusive   

And showed that everything was OK                   

But this, at my age was inconclusive.                 

 So I'd need to go for a scan and X-ray.

 

So with no chaperone, I was then sent alone

 To a completely different section

And after wandering through corridors, for what seemed miles        

 I lost my sense of direction.

Embarrassed by my appearance and quite overwrought      

  My mind took on a bizarre new thought                                   

Was this humiliation carefully planned                                     

To see how much trauma and stress I could stand?

 

Then amidst this reverie, someone, looking austere

Tapped me on the shoulder

"Excuse me Sir, Are you meant to be here?"

I waved my patient's folder.

"I'm looking for X Ray," I tersely replied

(By now I was really embarrassed)

And the last thing I wanted , was a pompous official

To make me feel even more harassed.

 

His face was twitching, trying to stifle a smile     

   And I began to wish I was dead.                         

Then he raised his eyes heavenward for a while 

To a sign a sign hanging over my head .                  

 I looked up too, then felt even more stressed      

 For I was now at the Mortuary and Chapel of Rest.

 

So I was guided to X Ray and given a seat                       

. And my humiliation was now complete                                    

Among all the Outpatients, who tried not to grin                      

 At  this bizarrely dressed male mannequin.                        

 Now the Hospital Shops are so orthodox .                     

 They have cakes, sweets and drinks among their stocks                           

 And you might be lucky with toothbrushes and soap         

 But if you want a dressing gown - you haven't a hope..  

  

 

 

                                  

 

© 2019 Norman223


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Reviews

I love your story & self-deprecating humor & the fact that you can turn all this into a well-rhyming poem! This is an epic tale, my friend! I love how your good details paint a vivid picture in the minds of your readers. They may be patching up your heart, but at least your wit & humor is still in fine form! Don't let the doctors touch that, will ya? (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 6 Months Ago


ahahaha well Norman .... its a big man that can swallow his pride ;} me thinks at those most embar a*s ed moments we may just be the most usable by our Maker ... sounds like at the time the hospital had some needed changes to go through ... not a secure feeling to have to traipse through the hallways in the flapping wings of those gowns ... all alone!!! the indignance of it all :)))
E.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Brilliant Norman. You may have lost other bits but your sense of humour in def' intact. I spent the best part of the year before last in the belly of the NHS beast and I can see that you can begin to despair. The image of you in the two hospital gowns is priceless - what about a selfie! I haven't got as far as the mortuary yet but perhaps someday!
Maybe the great big writers cafe in the sky is awaiting us all!
Keep on keeping us cheerful!
All the best,
Alan


Posted 6 Months Ago


Norman223

6 Months Ago

Thanks Alan. After nearly 12 weeks of inactivity, except for IV drips, blood tests and scans, a l.. read more
I liked how this was a story and a trauma. I enjoyed the way you wrote it. Thank you for sharing!

Posted 6 Months Ago


Brilliantly penned and perfectly poemed Sir Norm... I sincerely hope you never need it.. but just in case.. I have a spare space blanket you can borrow.. guaranteed to keep ya warm, hide ya blushes and leave your limbs free enough to punch or kick any rascal that dare come at ya with a grin, a mercury thermometer and a tube of ky jelly... just holla if ya need it/me/us..... N :)

Posted 6 Months Ago


Defenseless, naked butts and wandering from torture chamber to torture chamber-aaagh! Only you could write about these very real traumas with such humor and elan my friend. You speak them and I feel them in my nurse’s heart and all my replaced joints!- ha! Add to that, perfect cadence, brilliant rhyme and oh the gracefully handled but on-point clinical imagery, and, well, you have......brilliant Norman!! Thank you always for the smiles you bring with your well-penned poems. Blessings and robust, good health hereby and forever wished for you. Oh yes, beware those tricky turns!:))))))

Posted 6 Months Ago


Norman223

6 Months Ago

Ah,Annete Having such experiences is good for the soul ( they tell me). But why did it take me .. read more
Norman223

6 Months Ago

Ah,Annete Having such experiences is good for the soul ( they tell me). But why did it take me .. read more
'So a second gown worn the other way round -
Preserved my modesty, but was not à la mode - But worse was to come, as I later found. - In this whole embarrassing episode .. .. '

Honestly and truly, with the greatest of sympathy and actually knowing what you mean by those disgusting THINGS... I smiled or laughed all the way through this wonderful poem. Had you written without meter or an insecure vocabulary wouldn't have enjoyed it, wouldn't have seen it all in my little mind's eyed. However, your meter is so fine, your phrases phrased so well. it flowed brilliantly, Norman. Those experiences haven;t spoiled your sense of humour or the essential quirkiness! Hope you're feeling better day by day and gaining strength, etc. etc. :)

'So with no chaperone, I was then sent alone - To a completely different section - And after wandering through corridors, for what seemed miles - I lost my sense of direction.'

Posted 6 Months Ago


wow, that was a wrong turn...all because of a hospital gown...
which is not meant to be worn in the gift shop or the chapel....
I would assume...but God wouldn't really care if it was in the mortuary...he would probably say...well, you dressed appropriately...i am proud of you.
j.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Norman223

6 Months Ago

Jacob, as usual, I see that you have even managed to put a philosophical interpretation on my mis.. read more
I simply cannot understand why hospitals insist on making patients wear those ridiculous, dignity stripping back to front gowns. Aside from the fact that you need to be a contortionist to tie them, they are embarrassingly revealing and as far as I can tell, the ultimate failure in the 'one size fits all,' culture.

Wonderful write Norman. :))

Beccy.




Posted 6 Months Ago


Norman223

6 Months Ago

It's obviously intended to make you leave as quickly as possible Beccy - they need the beds........ read more

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Added on April 13, 2019
Last Updated on April 13, 2019

Author

Norman223
Norman223

Essex UK, United Kingdom



About
Now approaching the age of 88 I enjoy writing as an optimistic exercise in keeping senility at bay, for I now accept old age as being unavoidable. Basically,although a fairly serious person, I prefe.. more..

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