Flightmare

Flightmare

A Poem by Norman 223
"

Some memories of pre lockdown holidays . Inspired by "The Nightmare Song" from Iolanthe.

"




If you're travelling abroad and you cannot afford
the time or the cost of a cruise
And being seasick round Biscay is considered too risky,
then flying is the best thing to choose
Now, if you pay the top fare, travel first class by air,
all the adverts show people relaxing.
But what the brochures don't show,and most of us know
that economy class is more taxing

The travel agent's computer can find routes to suit you �
by providing diverse variations.
So your trip to Australia could go via Westphalia
or strange exotic locations.
Though mistakes are few ,you hope it's not you;
ending up in a bad situation,
Like finding you're stranded, having wrongly landed
in some despotic secret police nation .
.
Now you check in your cases, but the look on the faces
of the staff spells a nasty surprise.
Your flight's been overbooked and the fact overlooked
but, there's always the chance of the "standbys"
So while you're waiting, you stop at the duty-free shop
to try to pick up a bargain
But the goods all appear to be just as dear
(If that's tax free, then what are they charging?)

Now you're ready to go, and a voice tells you so
through a sound system that's quite appalling.
So you think you can hear, but it's not very clear
if it's your flight number they're calling.
Now you find your seat, scrabble around with your feet
and a jammed footrest grazes  your shin
Then the man's seat in front does a backward shunt ,
so claustrophobia starts to set in.

It's now that you think that you need a strong drink
and long for the trolley to show up
Then a woman starts crying, that she's scared stiff of flying
and just knows that she's going to throw-up.
When you saw that brochure, it told you for sure
that the food would be really fantastic;
So you feel rather cheated, with rubbery reheated
eggs - and a fork made of plastic.

Then in case you're dejected, a movie's projected
You can’t sleep, though you’re constantly yawning
So you peer bleary-eyed at a the miniaturised
screen at two forty-five in the morning.
But last you arrive, far more dead than alive,
and your stomach gets over the landing;
And you now have to queue, to disembark too.
Which seems to take hours, when you're standing.

If you're lucky, your cases all reach the right places 
and by Customs will soon be inspected;
But it's so hard to tell on a full carousel 
if it's the right case you've collected.................
So now you're jumpy and unkempt, and you fear that might tempt
 a Customs official to make an initial 
Search of your person, which will only then worsen,
 the sweating and nerves  affecting you.
But ,at last you're you're through the duty free queue 
and  no one was really suspecting you.

  So you  now stand and wait at the terminal gate
till your taxi turns up and the thin plastic cup
of coffee you bought burns your fingers .
.But you still cannot win, for jetlag has set in
so that nightmare journey still lingers.
Now your poor addled brain says "Never again"
And you swear that you'd rather travel no farther
than Calais, ( but sailing from Dover).
For flying's a curse, and just like this verse
Thank goodness they're both of ‘em over.

© 2020 Norman 223


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Reviews

Wonderful! I really enjoyed this, had me laughing out loud a few times, it is very bright and uplifting. I can relate to the claustrophobia, not being able to sleep despite the constant yawning (why do we do it to ourselves?!). It was lovely to read aloud too, such a fun rhythm. It's nice to read you, Norman. I came across your page via Margie's poem and homage to your work, and I am very glad that Margie pointed me in your direction. Best wishes, Laura.

Posted 1 Week Ago


Norman 223

1 Week Ago

Many thanks for you tolerance of my exposure of the hazards of travel. Having spent so many hours o.. read more
LouBelle

1 Week Ago

I always have enjoyed brisk walks in the countryside.They solve many problems. We have to find the l.. read more
You are amazing! I can't believe you came up with so many smartly rhyming snarks about flying, all served up with a cloud-bumping roil of rhythm along the way. This is truly one of your most intricate spoofs on some everyday occurrence like flying, adding in such sparkling details to paint your aerial scene with panache. Haven't seen you here much & I haven't been communicative since I got smoked out for a couple months during fire season, so I'm glad you're still crunching out these masterpieces even tho you're nigh on . . . dare I say it? . . . NINETY! No, I know, you're just trying to negotiate 89 coming up! I'm glad for you, that you're still this sassy & going strong! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 2 Months Ago


Norman 223

2 Months Ago

A bit of rhythmic plagiarisn here, Margie. I performed the original "Nightmare Song " way back in .. read more
ha
a wonderful rendition of why I just drive

Posted 2 Months Ago


Norman 223

2 Months Ago

I've taken it further, Dave. I'm to old now, so my wife is my chauffeuse. Life has it's compensat.. read more
Dave Brown

2 Months Ago

oh my goodness
that day is slowly arriving here but my wife has 'remodeled' two vehicles alre.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Norman what an ordeal or was it a deal and your creative mind really can come up with some fancy rhymes I Love the lyrical jilt for everything that went Helter skelter

Posted 3 Months Ago


Norman 223

3 Months Ago

Confession.....the rhythms were based based on a song from the operetta Iolanthe, by Gilbert and Su.. read more
I believe that you didn't leave any bad situation that may happen before, throughout and after a flight. You really made a convincing argument for not considering flying as a traveling option. A really lovely poem, thank you for sharing.
MH.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Norman 223

3 Months Ago

Thank you MH. If you are thinking of flying, please ignore this poem. It isn't really as bad as th.. read more
Insight "MH"

3 Months Ago

I wish I had wings, so I can no longer need to be in a plane lol

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Added on August 15, 2020
Last Updated on October 3, 2020

Author

Norman 223
Norman 223

Essex UK, United Kingdom



About
Now, having reached the age of 89 I'm still trying to write as an optimistic exercise in keeping senility at bay, although I reluctantly have to accept age,unreliable memory, pacemakers and synthet.. more..

Writing

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