Is this it? [Chapter 1: Average Days, Average life (sucks)]

Is this it? [Chapter 1: Average Days, Average life (sucks)]

A Chapter by Chaos Complex

Started writing this to vent one day. I wanted to make it strongly dialogue-based. I kind of wanted to turn it into a comic book...

"You know what I never got?"


"How your friggin character is so flexible. I'd like to have a girlfriend that was that flexible."

Ren and his friend Josh mashed at some buttons on their respective PS3 controllers. Ren was leaning back against the wooden headboard of his bed, while Josh occupied a comfortable black leather chair. The 52 inch HD TV glowed brightly as two Street Fighter combatants went at it.
Ren smirked as he replied to Josh' statement.

"When's the last time you had a girlfriend anyway?"

He chuckled as Josh frowned, trying to focus on the screen. "YOU WIN!" appeared as Ren's character lifted up her long leg for some random sex appeal.

"F**k off... you know I never had a girlfriend."

"Hehe, I know."

Josh tossed the controller onto a pile of dirty clothes that laid on Ren's floor. He shifted his brown eyes over to the other before offering the universal finger to offend everyone.

"Now that's not nice."

Ren responded with a big grin as he placed his controller at his side. He chuckled softly before glancing at his cell phone which sat on top of a gray bin by his bed. 11:20PM. Josh noted the time also and groaned before speaking.

"I think it's time for me to head home. I got work in the morning."

Josh started to get up, slipping on his gray jacket which rested on the chair.

"Work sucks."

"Don't I know it."

The two friends walked downstairs, being careful on the last three steps.

"Your dad totally sucks at reconstructing things. We've seen way too many people fall down these last steps, bouncing on their a*s cheeks a few times..."

"Don't act as if it's not amusing. I find it personally gratifying... as long as it's not me, of course."

"You would say that- you a*****e."

Josh walked over to the front door after insulting his friend and slipped on his black sneakers. Ren got into a pair of gray running shoes and together they walked out the door. After shutting the door, Ren walked Josh out to his car. As they both walked toward the automobile, Josh cleared his throat and spoke.

"So, I'm thinking about dropping out of school..."

"Do it."

"I will."

"You've told everyone you were going to do that semesters ago. Last I checked, you're still suffering in the good ol' University."

"They've screwed me over a good number of times. You're lucky you got your BullShit degree."

"A BS doesn't stand for that, jerkwad."

"No s**t."

Josh swung open the driver side door to his car and slipped in. He placed his hands onto the steering wheel and inhaled sharply before continuing.

"F**k life."


"Seriously. Nothing ever goes right. Everything is just a mess and nothing seems like it's ever going to fall into place."

"I feel that way too, but being a depressed emo kid isn't going to help matters. It'll get better... eventually... I think..."

Ren leaned against his friends car, letting out a sigh. He hated this feeling. Trying to be hopeful even though everything just felt so boring and mundane. Even after working so hard in school, he still felt behind. Everyone had congratulated him and there was even a big party thrown. People called him a role model and said they admired him. Yet, he felt like he was nowhere near where he wanted to be. He just felt heavy and down all the time. He said none of this out loud. He kept it all to himself. The silence was broken when Josh started his car. After a couple of seconds of letting the engine warm up, he glanced back to Ren and half-smiled.

"I'm going to go home and look at porn. Maybe I'll feel better then."

"Release all your pain. You'll be fine in less than a minute."

"Hey, screw you. I can go for hours!"

"You go for hours with your hand?"

"... Get off my car."

Ren laughed as he walked back towards his house. He heard Josh's car rev out of the parking lot and down the street like he was in the movie 'The Fast and The Furious.'

"I hope he gets a ticket."


Ren laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He listened to the noises his fan made for a minute. He reached over and grabbed his cell phone off of a gray bin which held excess clothes that didn't fit in his closet. After scrolling through his call list and finding the number he was looking for, he hit the green call button. The caller tune of his girlfriend played against his ear as he shut his eyes, listening to it. The song cut off as she answered her cell.


"Hey, babe."

"Hey sweetie... did you have fun?"

"With Josh? Naw... he's lame."

Her laugh brought a smile to his face.

"How are you feeling tonight?"

"Still sad."

There was a brief silence.

"Sad? Why?"

"Don't know. I think I'm getting depressed again."

Ren shuffled around on his mattress, ending up laying on his stomach. His feet pressed against the headboard as he stared forward at his desk, cluttered with everything from empty water bottles, DVD's, and books for statistics and random mangas. His girlfriend's concerned voice ran in his ear again.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Well, Pixel... you could sing me a song."

"I don't sing, sweetie..."

"You could try?"

"No, I suck at singing. It's embarrassing."

He sighed, figuring he wasn't going to get her to sing him a song anytime soon. His feet swung up into the air as he gave up on asking the favor. She coughed but sounded distant since she pulled the phone away. After clearing her throat, he could hear her clearly again.

"Sorry, but- why do you feel this way?"

"I just- don't feel like I'll ever be good enough."

"For what? For who?"

"Myself. Anyone else."

"You're good enough for me."

"Thanks, Pix."

"I mean it. Underneath all that angst and negativity is a guy with a good heart. You're smart and talented. You should be proud of yourself."

"I don't think I'll ever really see myself that way."

He gulped. Looking down at his bedsheets, feeling his chest ache a tad. He hated to be this way around people. He hated being 'weak'. He always had trouble revealing this side of himself. Everyone would probably just babble and say stuff like"Cheer up!" and "Quit bitching! You got nothing to complain about!"

Maybe to them he didn't have anything to complain about. Maybe to them he had a perfect little life with no reason to be miserable. After all, with all the successful things he racked up, you would think Ren Tino would be content or even satisfied. Why was that so far from the truth, then?

He massaged his scalp, brushing his hands through his black hair, wishing he could just pull these feelings out and ball them up to toss into the trash. That would be really convenient. He licked his lips before he continued the conversation.

"I guess I'm always going to feel like... I'll just never be good enough, until I do something amazing, that is."

"I- wish you didn't feel that way. I really do."

"I know, Pix. It's my own fault. I'll snap out of it. I just need... to do something."

He pulled the phone away from his ear to check the time. 11:30PM. He pressed it back to his ear.

"Hey. I'm going to let you go. You got work in the morning. Don't let my whining keep you up."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? I don't mind staying up longer."

"Yeah. I'll be okay. I love you. Sweet dreams."

"You too, hun. Have a good day tomorrow. I'll call you on break."

"Yeah, that's cool. Good night, babe."

He clicked the red button on his phone, slipping the USB charger into it and placing it back on the bin. Afterward, he grabbed his laptop, checking if he got any messages from any friends.

"Random party. Birthday party. Porn convention- porn convention!?"

Nothing important. He logged off and shut the machine down. After that, he tugged the light switch on his fan and laid down in the dark. He imagined he was killing zombies and saving the world. He cut through hordes of them. All of them fiending for a taste of flesh, but not being able to lay a finger on him. If they got too close, he would slash them apart with his katana, and their blood and guts would fly into the air and come down like confetti at a little kids birthday party.

An hour passed. Then two. He got up and took a piss, pondering if there was anything fun or important he must do later in the day. Nothing came to mind. He went back to bed, and laid down. Sleep claimed him, and he dreamed he was a super hero.

© 2011 Chaos Complex

Author's Note

Chaos Complex
Please leave me feedback!

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Featured Review

This story is kinda yuck ('cause i'm a girl) but i still like it a lot. It's a little funny.
The part about the zombies and stuff, when you mentioned katana, i thought: Ren sounds like a samurai :D I'm guessing that's what you were getting at? :)
I'm gonna keep reading :D))

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


I like it a lot. The story is aloof, but its like hearing you speaking to the reader. Monologue I think. Sos I like it. I had to look Manga. Asian cartooning. Kool. The cool thing about it is you are honest. But not too forthcoming. Great write! ---mishel

Posted 10 Years Ago

This story is kinda yuck ('cause i'm a girl) but i still like it a lot. It's a little funny.
The part about the zombies and stuff, when you mentioned katana, i thought: Ren sounds like a samurai :D I'm guessing that's what you were getting at? :)
I'm gonna keep reading :D))

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Seems good so far.

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You know how I feel about this. This is an interesting perspective of yourself. Don't stop writing this. I want to see where you take it from here.

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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4 Reviews
Added on June 26, 2010
Last Updated on June 21, 2011
Tags: depression, sad, alone


Chaos Complex
Chaos Complex


I like to express my emotions and feelings in poetry. I write a lot of rap/hip hop stuff. I'm really vulgar. Deal with it. I don't get many reviews, but thank you to those who even bother to re.. more..


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