[Work In Progress pt.2]

Still doing what I can.

They said rap wasn't real poetry.
It's my outlet, so it is to me.
I feel it all, like my mama's pain.
If only she could read the thoughts on my brain.
She deserves the best for dealing with so much stress,
I just wish I could afford whatever "the best" is.
My pops is always fussin', talking trash.
But I know he's got a good heart once the surface is scratched.
My brother moved out-
Couldn't stand the arguing.
He keeps in touch on facebook, but I f*****g miss him.
My cousin in Cali used to look up to me.
Then she found out I smoked, and our relationship was history.
My Godsister thinks I've got swagger and style,
But for some reason her dad thinks I'm a pedophile.
I have relatives in the Philippines who used to love me,
Now they hate us here,
Claiming we're fortunate and greedy.
Like I don't do what I can to help the needy?
Sorry I got my own problems and I gotta eat.
I was the kid who used to sit down and stay quiet.
Now if they piss me off, I'm chaotic and violent.
Too much pain built up-
But I'm smart enough to write now instead of trying to cut.
I used to wonder if life was worth the struggle.
And then the girl of my dreams did more with me than just cuddle.
My perception's still muddled-
My demons are all huddled-
Plotting on how to make me lose my cool in a scuffle.
I stopped taking pills and gained friends,
After I lowered these walls and my defense.
But I still keep a dagger hidden in a crutch,
Just in case these snakes try to ambush.
I try hard.
I work harder.
I used to think I should just be a martyr.
I wanted to give the world a proper memory,
But I'm too attached to life to want to leave early.
Surely, things will look up if I stay strong,
That's what mama said- and she's rarely wrong.
I'm just thankful for the bits of hope-
Like God stopping my hands when I tried to overdose.
I got so many things to look forward to.
Live and learn, you'll never lose.

...
Is this progress?
It must be, because I've been taking the good with the bad,
I haven't given up yet.