Looking Glass

Surprise, more venting.

I drank the poison from the devil.

He was in the form of a high school kid with cigarettes and whiskey.

Told me to get intoxicated to blur reality.

It would make what seemed ugly, be more bearable.

Things wouldn't be so terrible-

If I took a swig and puffed a couple O's.

Now my parents wonder where all my lunch money goes.

Instead of eating healthy, I'm on a nicotine overload-

Cause the cashier at the register is too dumb to check my ID properly.

I started losing honesty.

S**t, I'm lying just so it all makes sense to me.

Fabricating fictional things to make me feel complete.

Giving myself reasons this bully needs his a*s beat.

Whether it be his fault or the whole of Goddamn society's.

I'm tired of feeling inferiority.

I told em I was tired of taking a lashing,

So now I'm the one doing the bashing.

Verbally and physically.

Holy s**t-

Innocence is being drained from me.

I must have earned the title for depression... clinically.

I'm dead... just not medically.

I mean metaphorically.

I'm just a zombie.

Shuffling around, looking for a living to eat.

Cause that's what I'm starving for.

Some kind of motivation that will make me feel like I'm worth more than a psychiatric patient.

Crushed too many hearts, started figuring I was ugly.

Cause an equal amount of b*****s also shattered my self-esteem.

So I was f*****g up.

I was such a lie.

Went to church- felt like a hypocrite,

Told religion "Good-bye."

Jesus works for you.

No offense, but not for me.

But when people hear me say that,

They treat me like I'm a f*****g anomaly.

Wishing they could fix me...

Cause apparently I'm broken.

But instead of listening to my concerns,

They chose to mute what was spoken.

I went from pills to therapy,

To head from chicks I didn't like,

To staring at the ceiling, asking when I would change my life.

I used to want to kill myself.

I used to contemplate suicide-

And when I was talking about death,

I didn't blame my friends for leaving my side.

Everyone was scared of me.

S**t, I even scared myself.

But I'm glad I went through all that-

Cause I learned to really love myself.

Well-

Maybe 'like' me...

Slightly.

Now I'm taking it one day at a time,

Hoping I don't look in the mirror and see the old me,

When I'm reflecting.

Learned that each day was a blessing.

But life could also be a curse,

You just gotta have the right people to give it worth.

And I think I found them.

Cause the past is starting to become obsolete.

I'm better in this current state,

And progress is what I'll demonstrate.

I wasn't worthless...

I just bloomed late.

And I'm f*****g great.

I'm getting my woes replaced.

I'm fixing my life up,

And smashing obstacles in my way.

I could have ended a failure.

But I refuse to take that road.

Rags to riches in terms of soul-

I'm working for my f*****g gold.

Reviews

[Michelle Long]

I like it.