In the Darkness

His heart seemed like it was beating a thousand times per second. Everyone he knew was gone in an instant. So many emotions running through him he didn't know either to cry for his fallen friends or to scream in agony for the broken arm he suffered from falling as he was being chased. Somehow he managed to flee and was now cooped up on the third floor of an abandoned department store.

He knew he didn't have much time until the store was overrun. His only option was to try and make his way down through the dark, infested building. There was no other choice, his life depended on it.

He clenched his mangled arm and made his way down the rusted escalator. He had to move at a slow pace to not attract any attention and because his arm hurt like hell. With each step it was as if someone had his arm in a clamp and kept tightening.

The second floor, from what he could see in the dark, was cluttered with clothes racks, mannequins, and perfume kiosks. He could use all the clutter to his advantage to hide behind but he also had to be cautious because he wasn't sure what could pop out at him at any corner.

Exit signs still shining were his only guide through the large room. The hair on the back of his neck started to stand and the bumps on his arms started to rise. He was halfway across when he heard a noise.

BANG! A metal clothes rack was toppled over towards the back of the room. He picked up his pace ignoring the severe pain his arm was telling him.

CRASH! Mannequins were knocked over about 20 yards to the right causing him to sprint to the left. His path led him through more racks of clothes. He had to bob and weave through the aisles to avoid running into shoe displays.

It felt like an eternity, but he finally made it to the exit. Still panting and trying to regain his breath he extended his arm out to push the door open. It was stuck. He pushed and pushed to no avail.

The noises started to become louder and heading towards his direction. He put his shoulder to the door and it still wouldn't budge. He turned back and saw the silhouettes of the undead creatures. His heart felt like it was coming out of his chest. With all of his might he managed to burst the door open with a kick.

He tumbled through the doorway and got to his feet to slam the door closed again. He put all of his weight to the door preparing for impact but it never came.

"Holy s**t, I really got away," he frantically said to himself.

He was now in a hallway completely submerged by the darkness. Slowly he made his way down the corridor. He kept his good arm out so he wouldn't bump into anything and his fractured arm to his side.

A couple more steps and he felt his arm touch something in front of him. He jumped back and heard heavy breathing coming from directly ahead. His heart jumped in his chest.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

He spun away but felt a cold hand clench his maimed arm. As he spun the hand pulled and he could feel the flesh starting to tear away like the stitching to a rag doll.

Before he could let out a scream another hand latched on to his mid section and dug in. The blood poured out and he could now feel teeth sinking into his flesh. His heart started to beat slower.

THUMP...........THUMP...............THUMP.

His eyes closed finally as he fell victim to the darkness as so many had before.

Author's Note

Just felt like doing a suspense type zombie story. It's a short one. Took about an hour or so to write. Enjoy.

Reviews

[Chris]

I thoroughly enjoy the Genre! You have the skeleton of a good outline for a decent tale. An effective end for it as well. But - there always seems to be a but huh? But, you do need to work on vocabulary and repetition, scene setting and descriptiveness, and char actions and reactions.

[Michael Mendez]

Thank you Chris, I really appreciate the feedback!

[Lily]

This is brilliant, actually had my heart pumping as I read! Strong suspense and good description of the fear felt by the protagonist. I love a good horror!

[KeithKVH]

I like the descriptive way you write. I think it's really the best way to do things, at least if people read the way I do. It helps me picture things easily, with much less space taken up by lengthy imagery that I often end up unsure I got the real meaning of.

It's a realistic story, dark end but I was somewhat expecting that with the mature warning and the fact I remember reading your profile. Spotless from a spelling and grammar standpoint, I didn't see anything.

[Mirror]

Wow, eerie but wow! I enjoyed it. The Vampire/Zombie genre intrigues me.
I am glad to see someone thinking in the same line as me. Keep on writing.... LOVED it.

~Mirror

[Michael Mendez]

Thanks for the reviews everyone. You guys are great!

[Sophy Freebirds]

I must say this just made my mind flee into the darkness.I was caught up reading this one.I am not much into reading stories in this site.But as far as the length is good then okay with me.The descriptions out here were so vivid. it felt as if i was the one running for my life.The end one was killer. I liked the way you described the heartbeat fading. Good job with that. keep writing. i will keep dropping by. keep writing :-)

~Sophy

[Mason Red]

Finally a realistic view on a zombie infested setting. Mostly in other stories and films I see a lot of heroism, and then only more heroism. Like, an injury doesn't seem much in those stories while it would actually distract you with every step I think, and as you say. The fact that the main character clumsy tries to run for his life is also a realistic aspect -- it makes it feel like you're actually there instead of looking at an fictitious character roaming around. It kind of fools you into its world. And the ending surprised me, really. I didn't see it coming. Good job!

[Dayran]

Handling fear and coming to terms with its sensations ... is a great way to open up to the hidden in the passions. It extends the scope of the feel in our stories ... and goes further in the way it brings the reader to relate to our stories. This one has a great start to that effort. Keep it up.