FAREWELL LETTER

"It is wrong to love you"

That's what I often hear when they talk about us. I will just laugh and agree, but deep down in my heart, I want to shout that they are wrong, that they don't know a thing about us, they don't know the love between us. When I first met you, I didn't think that you'd be this important. In a short moment, I fell for you without realizing when it started.

Maybe in our small talks, shared laughter, simple teasing, or because of the sweet smile? I am not sure, but what I am quite sure of is that I am happy being with you. We started going out for quite a while, always picking me up after work, giving simple gifts, the first hug that is sweet, the quick first kiss.

Yes, everything is fun when you're around. It felt like we were teenagers who didn't care about the world and were just minding how we were so in love. Every Friday, we're going to a fancy dinner with all the champagne and serenades. Every Sunday, we're always going for a ride and taking the scenic route as I hug you tight. You made me laugh and smile all the time.

One day, we talked about life as we watched the sunset side by side. I asked you if you were already owned by someone as a joke, and I expected you to say my name, but you paused and smiled timidly. You said yes, your wife.

I was shocked, confused, and hurt. How were you able to love someone when you're already with someone else? But despite the truth that was unveiled in front of me, I still chose to turn a blind eye. I believed you when you said I am the one you love and you're just with her because it is necessary.

It's been three months since I found out about your lie. In the past few months, I have been haunted by my conscience and the weight of my heart. I used that time to think about the decision I had to make. One month, that’s what I set. I promised myself I would have fun, make you feel how much I love you, and show you what I truly feel. Every time we're together, you will say out loud that you want us to be together for a long time, that you want a future with me. I always smile and keep telling you that we will be together forever, but little do you know, it's the opposite of what's on my mind. In your every smile, I can't help but feel sad because I will not be the reason behind it. Every time our hands are intertwined, there is a fear of letting you go and returning you to her, your rightful place.

The last day came in the blink of an eye. We were happy and talked about random things for hours before we decided to go home. You brought me to my home as usual, but before I went inside, I hugged you tight and told you that I will miss you. You laughed as you hugged me back and told me that we would see each other tomorrow. I can't afford to smile anymore, I can't pretend that I am happy when I have to let go of someone I deeply love. The tears I was trying to hold back started to escape from my eyes. 

I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't ruin someone's family. I can't take you away from her and your kids.

It is wrong to love you.

Now my heart and mind are finally united. It made me realize that there are people we will love, but we will not have, and sometimes, that is okay. I love you, but I have to wake up from reality. I have to face the fact that you are a lesson that I need to learn so such mistakes will not happen again. Always be careful, my love. I will be somewhere far away, rebuilding myself and healing what has been shattered.

For now, I hope you'll love her again just like the day before you got her. It pains me, but that's the right thing to do. Let's meet in another life and maybe we can be together in a different timeline. Goodbye, Chad, and to love that didn't last.

 

*****

Reviews

[N E. Chase]

This is so raw, and heart wrenching... I felt like I shouldn't be reading this. Trespassing on someone's pain. But I couldn't look away, because it was healing; being able to see what the other side feels. What they go through... Thank you for allowing me into your mind.