Sharks

I wrote this after i read a story about a girl who lost her mother in a car crash, she was then abusedd by her uncle who took her in after her mother passed.

A home. No, a roof and four miserable walls.

Where a young girl and her uncle live happily ever,

never will she hear the stories her mother once preached of magic and fairy tales, the whole world is at her tiny feet.

No, not a word of it, not a sound.

She can still hear church bells,

the haunting memories of caskets and black dresses,

 hearses and empty purses drained of anything she had left her behind.

A place where opression and sadness is constantly hiding under smiles and gritted teeth.

Where pools of tears turned to rivers of gutted emotion

and splintering heart beats sink to the depths of the deepest depression and dark caves of forgotten life.

A place where sharks in the form of uncles and auntys love you like the small fish they feed on and happiness,

is the ability to fall asleep at night.

Author's Note

Its not very long and not spell checked......i should probably do that.

Reviews

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

Inspiration for a piece of writing can come from so many places and hearing such a sad story has clearly been the stimulus for this sad poem.

Choosing to write in free verse matches the subject matter very well. A strong rhyme scheme might well have detracted or trivialised the story of the abused young girl and that is clearly not the effect required in a tragic tale.

To me the strongest emotion in this poem is one of denial. From the initial line which emphasises that a home is not simply a building to the hollow majesty of a funeral to the horrors of her new life which, "is constantly hiding under smiles and gritted teeth". So much suffering in life goes unseen until it breaks like this horrible news story and this is reflected in this poem so admirably.

[LunaWolf]

I hope he rots in hell with my uncle.... (great poem by the way :) )

[WordsAndVoices]

This is just beautiful, it's flows so well. The imagery it brings up is incredible. Congratulations for writing such a brilliant piece.

[Theo]

This poem is just beautiful. I like the free form and how it flows from one line to another. The imagery your language brings up is incredible. This is great.

[Jessica]

Wow! I can imagine that it is a very sorrowful story, but Good for her uncle that he asbsurded her. What is that books's name,anyway, I would like to read it. So warm, indeed.

[PianoandPage]

you have moments of brilliance in this. i would gently suggest considering a change of format. the prose paragraph form loses some of the punch. i think more line breaks could really help the reader FEEL the piece.

i really loved the first line. not a house but a roof and four miserable walls. that immediately brought me in. fantastic! also loved sharks in the form of uncles.

the lil rhyme about hearses and purses being drained was also very cool.

i think this could use some polishing but i really enjoyed what you have here.

[Matthews Reggie]

a theme of sadness well expressed thru fine poetry...
I liked : ' the haunting memories .......behind'

[Nadi]

Ah so this is the rest of the poem. I like it, it's sad but it's written really well kai