言うだけ野暮 (You're Wasting Your Breath)

A Tanka in Japanese with English Translation

Iu dake Yabo

Yoro no Soko
Kurefusagatta
Higuremae
Yumechigaeshita
Tenchikaimei



You're Wasting Your Breath

Darkness of the night
was shrouded in my despair
before the sun sets
I pray away my nightmares
but all is plunged to darkness

Author's Note

I noticed a contest for Tanka on here, so I figured, why not try my hand at at? This Tanka, a contemporary form of the Waka, follows the traditional 5-7-5-7-7 On structure, as well as the transitional middle phrase. (3rd line is often used to work as both an end and a beginning for the upper and lower phases.) Please note that my English translations are not exact, since it is impossible to carry nuances while conforming to syllable count AND maintaining an exact translation.

Reviews

[Claire in VA]

Hmmm. Excellent writing.
I wouldn't know if the kanji (It is kanji, isn't it?) is correct or not because although I did study Japanese, I don't remember much of it because I haven't used it. I hope that last statement makes sense. :)
What I can say is that it is visually beautiful and audibly appealing.
Good grief; such gloom!
It's an incredible tanka.

I look forward to reading more of your pieces.
Thanks for writing!
Claire

[Kelly]

I think it is excellent. I wish my Japanese was that good, where did you learn Japanese?

[Matching Socks]

Nice, great visual too.
You baffle and confuse me.
But I like you anyway. :)
xx

[Woody]

I don't think I can say more than what the other reviewers have said.
beautiful will probably not do your poem justice.

[Katie Alexander]

I've never seen this type of poetry before...this a good introduction because this poem is fantastic(: "I pray away my nightmares, but all is plunged to darkness." Your writing is powerful.

[Frontier]

Devastating! grappling! (shudders)

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Such a beautiful piece on the powerful hold of darkness, to escape into light again is the challenge... truly gorgeous.

[Honey-Bee]

Nice! Darkness of the night was shrouded in my despair, interesting line! Keep up the good work!

[Pax]

I always admire how Japanese poetry spoke of such profound manner, i mean so short but speaks volume. That is why, i missed writing one, because now a days, it is hard to compressed all your feelings into the traditional verses. or perhaps i am just too lazy to count..LOL. but in a way, when i write something like haiku, i am very symbolic, perhaps that way we could always hide meanings, like the way tanka is also presented.

I like this my friend, it gives how more often we suffer from darkness, or how darkness keeps on barricading our light...

a very nice piece!

[McKinleyA]

This was really beautiful!