Employed By Her

Employed By Her

A Poem by Obbligato
"

Imagine.........She Actually Employed Me. My Emotions Labour To Keep Her Satisfied.

"
My time is permanently occupied
My mind works hard at a job which breaks my heart
And as no-one gets paid there is no compensation for this destruction
Lawyers 4 u cant guarantee a quote for this
So deeply woven into my being
Removing its essence would turn me from an intricate parchment
Into singular pieces of string each more insignificant than the last

So that makes me her broken glass
I can no longer hold her Love
She pours herself into someone else's cup
And my individual shards only puncture the feet of her future
So to walk with me literally at her feet is more of a
Pain
An inconvenience
A Struggle
Which makes my presence a slow running tap that does no harm now but will lead to
Glaciers melting, Oceans rising and Freak changes in Global Temperatures
For Her to take another path would leave me wanting with no goal
And I don't want to be a waste of time and space or a bum I should say so I occupy my being with thoughts of her
Now thats a dangerous job
More dangerous than that of a terrorist
As my work is never done
I may never be redundant
And my mental hold is killing us both
Its draining me as I am unable to let go
I'm looking down and I see a dark icy crevasse
Ridden with frostbite and lined with Death
So I hold on tighter
Only By My Hands 
My Feet  D    G
             A     L
             N     E

Unsupported
And shes above me
Holding Me
Barely
Fingertips
She never looks at my face
But shows me her back
But shes still holding on
Barely 
I find comfort in the fact
She finds despair in the same
She will never pull me up
Ever
But I promised to never let go
Limbo

Opposites attract but that doesn't necessarily mean that your going to go somewhere
It doesn't mean that your right for each other
That your doing the right thing
It just means that they attract

I begin To hate myself
Again and again I know what I should do
And shes told me a thousand times
But Ive somehow covered my ears while my hands have been occupied with holding on
So she says nothing now
I need to let go
But my heart beats so loud its blocking signals from my brain
My brain knows I should have let go a long time ago
My brain knows its worthless being here
My brain knows that if I stay I'm going to go crazy
So out of its own permission
It sends signals to my hands to open
But as the signals leave to reach liberation

My Heart Beats

I open my eyes and I'm still here looking down into nothing
Holding onto nothing
Now this job may be bleak but it has one fringe benefit
Hope
I'm dangling with barely any support
Got an empty crevasse beneath me
And an employer who is in need to fire me above
My body screams in pain
My mind cries in frustration
My heart beats with LOVE

Even if the crevasse contained all I'll even need and want in life
Including someone who will support me and pull me up
And treat me with Love
I still wont let go
My Heart is way too LOUD
And until I zone out
I'm going to stay employed
Barely 
But still employed
I hate my job 

© 2010 Obbligato


Author's Note

Obbligato
Please Be As Honest And Frank As Possible. I Need To Hear FULL Criticism

My Review

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Featured Review

The grasp of language here is rather good: both in grammar and in clarity. The strength and sincerity voiced through imagery and emotion is also quite polished.
"So that makes me her broken glass
I can no longer hold her Love
She pours herself into someone else's cup
And my individual shards only puncture the feet of her future"
...The above passage is an exceptional example of this.
The conceptual metaphor of this forlorn love affair in terms of a job of work is rather effective; and, in a strange and ironic way, amusing.
Obviously, this is a prose poem, but in places it is rather too prosaic in terms of poetry: some of the lines (especially the first stanza) are a little too long, I feel, to sit nicely in the reader's mind. They read more like sentences than lines. From what you told me I believe that your work is designed to be 'spoken word'; and in this sense I suppose the readability would rather depend on the speaker when read aloud... In this case, the lines in question might not seem so wordy. But to a reader they certainly are. For the most part -where the lines are shorter- the flow and pace of the poem is fine and works well, but that flow is depreciated somewhat by the lengthier ones. It is of course up to the writer how this problem is addressed, but either they might be re-written or broken-up. This would also be friendlier on the eye of the reader, which is just as important, I think.
Overall, though, this is a good piece of work, with entertaining flourishes of language and imagery, as well as a depth of intelligence and feeling.

PS. there is just one small error: in the last two lines of the first stanza "into" and "To" at the end and beginning of those respective lines.

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like the style of writing. The flow of the story and the description made the poem a pleasure to read. I like how you used the language to make your point. I like many of the statements made in the poem. I like the ending. This is a outstanding poem. Took me on a emotional ride.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 4 people found this review constructive.

You write well.
I often browse the site here looking for talented voices, for the new magazine Golden Apple, of which I am one of the editors.

If you wish to be published in our future issues have a look at us:

http://goldenappleezine.blogspot.com/2010/10/submissions.html

We publish mostly poems and very short stories. There are no restrictions on style and subject matter as long as nothing offends.

Regards

Posted 8 Years Ago


Combs - this is amazing, beautiful, tortured in the sense of knowing exactly what's happening, but believing hasn't caught up yet, being raveled up in the sweet drama of it all.

i found this to be very creative in how it's written, and I can hear it as spoken word with all dramatic effect it so richly deserves. Excellence!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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.
Devon's really summed it up there..I expected this to be spoken word..its a long piece but it's riveting!..I agree that just for readability purposes it would be better if the it was broken down a little..This would be spectacular spoken, it's heartfelt, tragic ..you catch the emotion wonderfully..I hope you have a new employer, business and pleasure never work..LOL

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

The grasp of language here is rather good: both in grammar and in clarity. The strength and sincerity voiced through imagery and emotion is also quite polished.
"So that makes me her broken glass
I can no longer hold her Love
She pours herself into someone else's cup
And my individual shards only puncture the feet of her future"
...The above passage is an exceptional example of this.
The conceptual metaphor of this forlorn love affair in terms of a job of work is rather effective; and, in a strange and ironic way, amusing.
Obviously, this is a prose poem, but in places it is rather too prosaic in terms of poetry: some of the lines (especially the first stanza) are a little too long, I feel, to sit nicely in the reader's mind. They read more like sentences than lines. From what you told me I believe that your work is designed to be 'spoken word'; and in this sense I suppose the readability would rather depend on the speaker when read aloud... In this case, the lines in question might not seem so wordy. But to a reader they certainly are. For the most part -where the lines are shorter- the flow and pace of the poem is fine and works well, but that flow is depreciated somewhat by the lengthier ones. It is of course up to the writer how this problem is addressed, but either they might be re-written or broken-up. This would also be friendlier on the eye of the reader, which is just as important, I think.
Overall, though, this is a good piece of work, with entertaining flourishes of language and imagery, as well as a depth of intelligence and feeling.

PS. there is just one small error: in the last two lines of the first stanza "into" and "To" at the end and beginning of those respective lines.

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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5 Reviews
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Added on November 25, 2010
Last Updated on November 27, 2010
Tags: Job, Jobs, Work, Employed, Stress, Her, She, Love, Heartbreak, Relationships, Pain, Lovelorn, Heart

Author

Obbligato
Obbligato

London, London, United Kingdom



About
I am a young male poet from the inner workings of London. I have been writing poetry for a few years and have been inspired and driven to write by my relationships, experiances, knowledge and emotions.. more..

Writing
Obbligato Obbligato

A Poem by Obbligato



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