Stained

Stained

A Poem by L. Catherine

Moonlight fills the garden area

and each flower glistens unnaturally.

She slips away into the darkness

and leaves the carnage behind.

She didn't want to do it,

but she had no choice.

The way he came at her with the butcher knife

had been almost a dance fit for a ballet;

every movement perfect without a single flaw.

But, she had been quicker

and beat her violator to the ground

For her life was spared, he had killed before.

Her golden curls shimmer

 in the light of the moon as she stares at him.

Those lifeless eyes glisten

just like the unnatural glistening of the flowers.

Now with closer inspection,

each white petal

is stained a blood red.

A malevolent hue

permently stained.

Each white rose is violated and tainted

by the fresh, warm, blood.

And as she walks away,

only the darkness hears her sing,

"I'm painting the roses red..."

 

© 2011 L. Catherine


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Featured Review

Captivating!!!! this is like...well... Alice in Wonderland except deeper an darker!!!

I just realized something after I read your profile. We are scarily alike (at least in the fav. stuff. :DDDDD And I might be slightly more obsessed about POTO/Phantom of the Opera)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Captivating!!!! this is like...well... Alice in Wonderland except deeper an darker!!!

I just realized something after I read your profile. We are scarily alike (at least in the fav. stuff. :DDDDD And I might be slightly more obsessed about POTO/Phantom of the Opera)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Your last three lines captiavted me,
so dark and well written, I loved this write.
You are a very good writer. Keep writing always.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is brilliantly wicked and i am chuckling to myself at your heroine's triumph over malicious evil! more!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

symbolic and bold. I love how the roses were used.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice concept... but not scary... sound more like poetic justice to me... that guy deserved to die...

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Try and be less repetitive; you repeated the words glisten unnaturally, glisten you used three times, blood twice, white twice. Using different words will really diversify your poem, and it also gives you an opportunity to attach more emotion to each object by using connotative words to describe them ("blood" would fit under this category, but it's a bit cliche and you used it more than once).
Sorry to nitpick, but I enjoy critical advice, so I try and give it.

Aside from my criticisms, this really was rather well done.
You created a short story in just a few lines, and you gave the entire scene a slightly eerie feel, while also making it feel like purity has won ("Her golden curls shimmer").
Nice.

Posted 13 Years Ago


The ending made me smile, and the line about the "dance fit for a ballet" was exceptional.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Such Beauty i love it :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i. luv. it. its awsome and i'm not just sayin tht, cuz i'm sayin " I'm painting the roses red" lol :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mesmerizing!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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701 Views
15 Reviews
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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on March 30, 2011
Last Updated on March 30, 2011

Author

L. Catherine
L. Catherine

Storybrooke, ME



About
My name is L. Catherine and I, like many of you out there, am a writer. My whole life I've grown up with a vivid imagination and seeing things differently than other people, always wishing and believi.. more..

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