"I have a problem."

 

‘I have a problem.’

 

I read the screen again, just to make sure. It seems like something Salem would do; send me a text message like that at 12:00 a.m.

No explanation. No reason. No nothing. Nudda.

I felt a sort of motherly sense of fear. Which didn’t make much sense at all since he was; technically, my ex. Salem and I had dated five years old. We were both thirteen, the summer before we went into the eighth grade. But that was a long time ago, and it seemed, to me, that he was something like a brother.

My first guess was that he was drunk and needed a ride home. Why would he call me then? He knew I could drive, and my older sister surely wouldn’t agree to lie to help out anyone but herself.

 

‘Are u drunk?’

 

            I typed quickly and quietly. Praying his parents wouldn’t have to come get him. He had a pretty bad black eye and a broken leg the last time that happened.

Part of me wanted to scream at him for repeating his mistake, but I knew that if he was drunk it was because he saw absolutely no other way out except for that or suicide. He had a lot of pride that he didn’t take very lightly. He had only been drunk twice before. The first time was when he had brought home a ‘C’ on his report card and his mother had told him she was ashamed to call him her son and his father had kicked him out…but only for two days.

The second time was when he had lost his virginity, something he took extremely serious. She had dumped him shortly after. The w***e had made a bet with her friends. Salem was a gorgeous guy, and girls had always been disappointed when he didn’t put the moves on them by the second date. He could turn girls down, but really, how much self-control do you think a guy has?

My phone made a quiet beeping noise as the second text message was received.

 

 ‘No.’ was all it said. That was a relief.

 

‘Then what is it?’

 

            I had to urge to call him, but I knew he was texting me for a reason. He had done something he was ashamed of, that was the only thing I could be sure. It took him awhile to respond. I could almost see him. Sitting in the corner at a party. Typing. Then erasing. Typing. Erasing again. He didn’t want me to be ashamed of him either.

 

‘I made out with Lily…’

 

            In any other situation I would have laughed my head off and thanked the lucky stars. But he was hurting.

            Salem had been dating this chick, Cadi, for two years now. She treated him like trash, but love is blind. I had even seen her cheat on him, but Salem was in denial. He always was. Salem was head over heals for her. He loved Cadi with all his heart and to him, Cadi could do no wrong. She was his angel. When in reality…she was a demon. She was just another shadow in his life, telling him he was worthless. Telling him he wouldn’t accomplish anything.

            I knew things about Salem that no one else did. I knew that he felt he needed the people in his life, his parents and his psychotic girlfriend, no matter how bad they treated him. He thought he couldn’t make it on his own. He thought that it didn’t matter because there was no one else in the world that would treat him better anyway…except for me and his history teacher.

 

‘What are u going 2 do?’

           

What Salem needed to understand, was that there was no road marked “Happiness”. No directions ‘turn left and go straight till you find contentment’.

            Salem wouldn’t be able to do anything if he didn’t believe that he deserved better than the life he was handed.

            He told me once that his biggest fear was not being able to live before he died.

But what was living, really?

It made me so frustrated that he seemed so easily defeated, so ready to give up on the world. Why did the people around him have to make him feel so worthless?!

Salem had such a melancholy presence and it haunted me.

 

‘Idk’ he answered me question.

 

Was I the only person who really cared about him?

“Salem,” I had told him the last time his parents had given him a bloody nose, “What you have to do is put all the people that make you unhappy in one room, and shout ‘Leave me the hell alone you mother fuckers!’” He smiled at this,

 

‘Do you even like Lily?’ I asked, hoping the answer was yes.

 

“And if they don’t leave then you walk the f**k out that door and never look back, you hear me?”

He had shaken his head. No. He would never do that.

Fear was keeping him from doing that. Fear was keeping him from confidence. Fear was keeping him from himself.

“Salem,” I said again, “You can't change the things in your life that you were born with; you can only make yourself realize you aren’t happy with the way things are. You could be miserable for your entire life, but it is not guaranteed that a single person would ever realize, much less understand the meaning behind your saddened state. All that you can ever hope to do is make yourself happy with whom you are. And once you’ve done that, what can you ever wish to accomplish that is greater?”

 

‘Idk. Do u think Cadi will freak?’

 

I sighed and closed my phone.

 

Reviews

[Kemari Blue]

A brief flash into such a common scenario of the heart. This was written with enough passion to have me flashing back to my own blind days of love, wishing I'd had someone to tell me right from wrong, even if I didn't listen. You made my heart ache for Salem, which is something a good writer accomplishes: making his or her audience feel for a character. Even if it was mostly fiction, it was a good read.

xo,
KeMari

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

It was an interesting read. I was also curious about both of the parents beating him, not just one, when he obviously wasn't all that bad of a kid.
The contest calls for 10 pages or so. Can you get enough out of this story to fill that? If so, I would be interested in reading the rest. As for grammer and punctuation, it looked pretty good. I didn't look for that nessasarily but nothing stood out horribly wrong as far as I noticed. Keep up the good writing. I liked how the texting stood out as texting too. You could also do that with different fonts if you couldn't use color. If you do both, then if it were ever printed out in black and white, it would still stand out.
Love All, Mejasha

[Atlanta Carter]

I agree with James on this. It needs to be longer. I like what is there generally, but I think we need to learn more about the narrator. A TXT conversation is so limiting, and I think you've caught all the thinking that one might do around it very well. A few lines from Salem and your narrator conjures up his whole life. One thinks about all the possibilities as you wait for a response. It's a teen tempest in a tea pot, and all the action is happening at the other end of the phone. A little on the narrator's end might help. Where is she? In bed? Is that why they aren't phoning to talk?

It's good, and catches the age of the protagonists well, but I'd like to see more.

[Everyday Is Just Anothe..]

I think that this is a very intriguing story but I think it needs more. I love the idea, but it seems cut off short and needs more in depth to it. I see no grammical mistakes and spelling errors which is excellent (since I have so many of them). Anyway this is a great peace! I just wish there were more. Great job!

[James Joseph]

This seems like the short section of a larger story. We learn a lot about Salem, but nothing about the narrator, whom one would assume the story is about since it's told from her perspective. And there are details alluded to that I wish were more deeply investigated. Like why do both his parents beat him rather than just one assertive one?

I wish I had more to say. I just feel like the whole piece went by very quickly. I would be happy to give you more in depth notes, but I have to read the other entries in the contest tonight. I hope that I was helpful to you. Message me if you have any questions.

[Captain]

I find this story wonderfully intriguing...

As with all of your stories, I love the perspective it's written in.

Most interesting though, is the ending. I half expected a sorrowful ending. One loiving a life of tragedy of his own creation, looks to a friends for support that he cannot give himself. And instead of giving him the pity he wants, he receieves a cold case of reality as he's left to fend and decide things for himself.

Your style of writing always grabs hold of me from beginning to end, not letting me turn away from the story for a moment. It's as if I were Watching it occur, instead of just reading it. Maybe it's just me, but when I read your work, it seems that I can always picture it in my head, hear the character's voices, see thier faces, see every piece of scenery, imagine every setting, feel every turn of event, and I'm always left with suspense with each deft change of emotions.

All in all, this is a Wonderful piece, with few flaws to mention.

--William

[Raef C. Boylan]

The relationship between the narrator and Salem is very well-presented: realistic and appealing. Salem's faults are admitted to, but he is depicted as being a decent guy; the narrator gets frustrated with him - she is human - but the readers see that she is a very good friend, and also a rational and articulate person.
This is good writing. Your characters are believable, your narrator likeable, your wording detailed but straightforward enough for us to stay absorbed in the story.
Like other reviewers here, i admire the technique of alternating between texts, real-time, background information and the narrator's memories. It's skilfully done, especially towards the end, when the narrator's speech to Salem is shown to be futile.
Well done - this is an enjoyable story.
I'm left wanting to know more, but i understand that the impact of contrasting issues for Salem and his friend would be lessened if there was more after that last line.
Maybe another story about this set of people? It would be a good challenge for your characterisation skills, to maintain what you have already created.
Thanks for posting.

I spotted a couple of typos:

"something he took extremely serious" (seriously)
"It seems like something Salem would do" (seemed - to match rest of story's past tenses)
"I had to urge to call him" (no urge? an urge?)
"head over heals" (heels)

[Ellie]

Aww this was sad. and ughh i just wish some people could get through there pain. its so sad. you did an awesome job!

[{Angel Redd}[Formerly A..]

I agree with Jillian...very intense. What happens, though? is there another part, or do you leave this up to the imagination?

[Jillian Ashe]

Intense and harsh. I liked the fact that Salem has a lot of doubt and the way you expressed it.

[Alex Lifeson]

Good read, like another reviewer, I would have liked to see this go on with some conclusion as to what is the outcome.