Ever Elusive, Ever Beautiful, Ever Deadly

It's a glimmer, a glint always just outside the corner of my eye. It follows me whenever I go, I see it in the morning fog each day, I pass it on the side of the road when I drive to school, I witness it dash from me with every trash bag I deliver to the dumpster from my workplace. Common sense tells me that it's never the same deer, that we live in deer country so it's common place that they're everywhere. But every time I catch that glimmer of light across those pronged antlers, something stirs in me. Something otherworldly.
I don't know if it's always just been there, or if I'm just now noticing its presence but it haunts me. With every hastily scribbled doddle across my notebook, while the teachers ahead call my name. I can answer without thinking, ever so involved in laying ink to paper to properly portray the creature that follows me. It's all proverbial word vomit, answers regurgitated to questions that have little basis in actual life. All that matters to me these days is that deer.

When music plays, the only beat I hear is the soft thump of its hooves barely touching the forest floor. Every movement that the corner of my eye catches is its ethereal form moving just out of sight. It haunts my dreams too...but it's different in a way. The deer that follows my every move in my waking world appears as a normal deer, but in my dreams it's the color of pitch black. Its antlers shine in silver and are decorated in string, string that is entangled with the brightest jewels. It's the largest buck I've ever seen and wherever it goes life springs in his step.
The dreams vary. Most of the time, I'm driving along when he suddenly appears in front of me. There's this sudden lurch in the pit of my stomach, the fear that I won't be able to stop in time, that I'll destroy something beautiful. But I always stop. It stands in the middle of the road, staring at me with its endless black eyes, looking into my soul. I'll wake up at this point most of the time. Although lately, my dreams have been less than restful. It'll start out as it normally does, the buck will stand as he normally does, proud and perfect before slipping away into the forest. I then will abandon my rickety truck and chase after it. Branches will pull at my clothing, roots will trip my step, blood and sweat will run into my eyes, all attempting to keep me from reaching my ever elusive target.

Soon, though it will feel like forever, as time in dreams always presents that distorted feeling in your very core, I will end up in a clearing opposite of the deer. He will stare at me, while flowers bloom under his feet and the forest will silence for one perfect moment of clarity. I will realize something profound although I can never remember it upon waking, and suddenly everything will change. A shadow will fall upon the summer sun, and a monster will appear. It will sink it's twisted claws into the hide of the deer, tearing whole chunks of flesh from its body. The creature will climb onto the buck's back and its appearance will fall into view. It's body is that of a red lion with the tail of a scorpion that it uses to wrap around the deer which now looks at me in terror. As it attempts to buck the creature off, it will use its eyes to beg me for help. At this point, when I am paralyzed in a mixture of horror and fascination, the creature will turn its face to me and it will be revealed that on this lion's head sits a perfect replica of my face, grinning from ear to ear. And I will watch as a grotesque mouth appears from the neck of the creature to reveal three rows of razor sharp fangs and as my mouth on the creature will laugh, the sound of trumpets will play as its second mouth rips the deer's head from its body.
I will awake dripping with sweat every morning, as I do on this morning. Images of my face laughing on the head of that monster will surround my every blink. But this morning is different. It's still dark outside, I've woken up hours before my alarm. I shake my head, run my hands through my damp hair, and see the flicker of something just outside my window. I don't know what drives me, perhaps the dream, perhaps this obsession has finally driven me mad. I lunge at my window, a stray streetlight casts an ominous glow on the forest edge just outside. I see a deer dash just out of view, although I swear I see the glimmer of silver and colored jewels in its antlers.

I pull clothes on in a haste, running on silent feet outside and into the forest. This time the branches that scratch my skin are real, they leave a thousand little gashes in my skin, but my pace does not falter. This time the roots that trip my every step are real, my ankles cry out, threatening to give out at any second, but I offer no hesitation. This time the blood and sweat that run into my eyes are real, the cold air stings my lungs and body, but I only look ahead.

And suddenly, I see him as if he had just sprung from my dreams. He stands just yards away in all his ethereal glory. I slow my run, chest heaving with excitement and fatigue. He stares at me, his pitch black eyes forgiving me for all the terror he experienced in my dreams, for my helplessness to save him. I move toward him, arm outstretched. I'd give anything to touch his black fur, to finally feel my elusive guardian. I walk out to cross the abandoned road to him. The incoming truck won't notice me until it's too late. For a moment, as I'm hit, everything will silence as sudden clarity crashes into my chest. The deer watches me as I lay on the road, blood rushing from my crushing wounds, while the driver begins to panic and calls the ambulance. We both know it won't make it in time. I can't breathe, my lungs have successfully collapsed. My vision is fading, the buck just watches forever out of reach. Before I blackout completely, I remember what it is that I realized in my dream.

Don't ever put faith that something beautiful cannot hurt you, it is often those that you least expect that will end up being your downfall.