The Price

Shakespearian Sonnet

Experience makes the heart less naive

Warm heartfelt notions tend to make them tick

Because of those who hurt and stood to leave,

And left them with wounds to lick

Far gone is their hope for right in this life

The unbearable pain they’ve endured

Their opinion bittered in complete strife,

Neither kind word nor action has brought cure

Endlessly do they try to find some good

In this world that left them forever pained

Looking for evidence to this falsehood

Searching and sifting, ‘til they are drained

            Trusting certain people, this is the price

            Always unloving, a heart cased in ice

Author's Note

Comment as you please.

Reviews

[S Sanders]

I like the overall message. A few places that I might offer suggestions (and they are trivial and few) are: In the next to the last line it could be "Trusting people, this is the price. That's just tighter and keeps the flow of the poem going. There are a few lines in which the rhyming is just a tad trite--pained, drained; price, ice. I mean, there is NOTHING wrong about it; however, I've found that a rhyming dictionary can do wonders for a piece. I use one on the rare occasions that I do decide to rhyme; I usually stick with free verse non-rhyming, but... Anyway, they don't cost a whole lot and you can find them at a book store. You'd be amazed (at least I was) at what words you'll find in there that actually rhyme:-) Keep writing, and I'll keep reading. (That is, if you don't mind.)

[quinfinn]

lovely and tragically morose, beautifully expressed and full of personal honesty.
great write!

[Laughing-Bear]

My Dear Writing Friend,
A very powerful write that slaps one to attention, asking each to evaluate are their motives pure? Do they have a heart cased in ice? Do they need to go back and help clear up their wreckage of their past?
I pondered how do we protect our hearts with out building a fortress around them? I think the answer may lie in allowing great lengths of time to transpire when building these deeper relationships, so the true motives of the others heart will surface. Then if we see a good heart we can let these relationships become deep. I would rather spend time in the beginning of a relationship to see a hearts purity, than spend time after the relationship reeling from heartbreak pain.
A very well written poem with a clear message, well done.

Blessings, Laughing-Bear

[Rossen]

Well done ,and true... effort well spent~