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Chapter 24 – What’s Right Anyway?

Chapter 24 – What’s Right Anyway?

A Chapter by Oscar Blomqvist
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My heart fell when I saw her text breaking it off. I wrote a long answer which when I read it back, was worse than anything. The problem was that I had already sent it.

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I fell for the first girl I ever went out with like a plank. She broke it off after two dates because she wasn’t attracted to me in “that way.” Just tell me that I’m an ugly fatass, it’s so much easier, it gets the point across and there’s no confusion. It totally made sense, she was way out of my league, I didn’t even get a boner when I looked at her because my penis was confused. She was so much out of my league that I couldn’t even imagine myself having sex with her because even the dirtiest part of my brain told me don’t kid yourself. And she still went out with me twice so I’m quite proud of myself.


On the morning of the first date of my life, I wasn't hungover, I was still drunk. It's not a great feeling when you are about to try to get someone to like you, and you get out of bed and you can feel your thoughts because they make your headache. Hungover me is also not the most handsome version of me, not that there is a handsome version of me, but there is a less ugly version. I wish I could say I forgot about her and moved on immediately, but my own actions would soon force me to banish her from my mind or live forever with my own humiliation. I chose the former and broke out the gasoline like I was going to torch the house of an old enemy.


My heart fell when I saw her text breaking it off. I wrote a long answer which when I read it back, was worse than anything. The problem was that I had already sent it. It didn't make any sense. It was needy, degrading, humiliating, and pathetic.


The problem is that nothing is cheesy with the right music, which is why you should never text while listening to music, because the person reading it isn't listening to what you are, so it will sound completely different. I fell into my uncomfortable dorm room bed, regretting ever sending that text. In a rather psychotic way, I felt that it was way too nice, I didn't want her to feel that good about herself. I mean, it was all true, but she just did what all girls say they never will. She obviously liked my personality, she thought I was funny, but she didn't want to have sex with me. A lot of girls think I'm funny, but none of them wants to do me. That's just the way it is, I don’t blame them for it. It’s not like I don’t think the same way when it comes to girls. Demanding the opposite kind of behavior from women would be the height of hypocrisy. Not that I’m above hypocrisy.


Shortly after her bye-fatass-text had sunk in, I had my normal thought process. Well, now you might as well go to Amsterdam, have sex with a prostitute and blow your brains out. It made sense, it felt plausible, sensible, and like the right thing to do. What's right anyway? There's no such thing.


That summer after my initial dating failure, I had somehow ended up going to a festival with a friend’s group of friends. It was August in Gothenburg on the west coast of Sweden. It was early evening, an hour or two before dusk. I was standing in a sea of people, at least half of them were taking selfies. I didn't hate them for it, probably because I was drunk, which usually makes the rage subside. I tend to become more open-minded, kinder, and less of a pretentious a*s when I’m drunk. I was slowly but surely falling in love with the woman singing on stage, mostly because she was hot as hell, wasn't wearing much, and whenever she spoke, she sounded like she was about to have an orgasm. 


The alcohol also made me feel okay about the fact that I was daydreaming up a scenario where she took me backstage and fucked my brains out, either taking pity on me or just somehow realizing that the tall guy in the blue raincoat who wasn't screaming his head off was actually the love of her life, despite being 13 years her junior. One of the two, I hadn't decided yet. Although probably the latter because it's a bit less pathetic. I like being a bit less pathetic.




© 2021 Oscar Blomqvist


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Added on March 10, 2021
Last Updated on March 10, 2021
Tags: dating, sex, London, growing up, coming of age, girls, uk, young adult, new adult


Author

Oscar Blomqvist
Oscar Blomqvist

Charlottesville, VA



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I wrote a story. I think it's actually rather good, or at least okay. I thought I would post it here. Let me know what you think - [email protected] more..

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