Deception

Deception

A Poem by OR
"

This is just messed up and short and this is what I like about it... The shortest poem I've ever written!

"
You keep stepping into that SEA
The SEA that will become a cage

A shark you want to be

Or you just want your golden age?




Now head floating no more

Life is cheap

You're away from the shore

Feets too deep




Return is no longer an option

Shore is so far

You've now tested deception
As you've followed the STAR




You learn to swim now

Or baby you're gone

© 2010 OR


Author's Note

OR
I was about to describe this poem and the message behind it...
But I'm going to let you guess few times
I'm just going to say that this is about deception and how we chase money like a navigator chases the STAR which indicates north while money is killing us!
The other parts for you to discover!
Peace!

My Review

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Featured Review

This is interestingly written and structured. It's a chunky, hard-hitting style, with a strong rhyme scheme and very short, bold lines with few syllables, which gives it almost a mantra-like feel. Of course, it intentionally leaves the reader with SEA and STAR ringing in the head, a feeling of hugeness, and of being overwhelmed. This is where we all find ourselves, sooner or later, overwhelmed in a sea of consumerism, mundaneness and routine. Unusual and hard-hitting way of explaining this. Like it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is interestingly written and structured. It's a chunky, hard-hitting style, with a strong rhyme scheme and very short, bold lines with few syllables, which gives it almost a mantra-like feel. Of course, it intentionally leaves the reader with SEA and STAR ringing in the head, a feeling of hugeness, and of being overwhelmed. This is where we all find ourselves, sooner or later, overwhelmed in a sea of consumerism, mundaneness and routine. Unusual and hard-hitting way of explaining this. Like it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I flunked money worship 101, never learned to love money, made it to 58 with no credit cards and almost no debt, in monetary standards, I am poor, in life I am rich. I wish every one could learn the skill of contentment.
I hope your poem causes people to think of the inanity of worshipping money and trying to keep up with your neighbors, remember, when you die, God won't ask how rich you are, but how did you treat your fellow man.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

interesting piece here...good work!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

money kills when you don't have any...but i don't get that here...

What i do get it the last two lines.....so very true

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a very compelling piece. The sins and deceptions of Capitalism. In a Capitalist nation, you live amongst Monopolies and tyrants of every kind. Targeting you through the media, and through your necessities. It was said that Capitalist nations were pentacles of evil. This piece also seems biblical, in a way. They call Satan, 'The Morning Star', and of course, we all know that he is a symbol for deception, greed, and the supreme ruler of lost souls. Further more, I am also reminded of the story of Moses. As he was leading the Hebrews out of Egypt, God granted them passage through the Red Sea. Ramasese and his armies charged after the fleeing group, but were outrun. Once the Hebrews reached the shore, God closed the passage, and washed away Ramasese, forevering prisoner to the Red Sea and to damnation beacause of his greed and spite. Yet, we can not deny that many countries are fighting over seas, and it is only a sink hole death, deficit, and political shame that they are going to drown in. Eventually, of course. As far as this piece goes, it is very thought provoking, and reminds me of a socratic seminar in ways. A wonderful way to get involved. Great style, great flow, great work!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I don't really understand it completely, I think- sorry. However, I do really like the end. Nice tones and casual speech, really brings an emotion to this piece it wouldn't have had otherwise. Nice write overall.

-Coral-

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

nice work...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

good job. liked it a lot.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I see the heart of this poem and it talks about: Getting hurt and having to carry the scars all by yourself. Good rhymes. Keep writing.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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. ah, beautiful ... and very, very fascinating use of words and images ... very well presented ... i absolutely love the tone of the last two lines ... so true ... "foolhardiness is not bravery" ... one may want to be a shark and land up too far deep in the middle of the ocean ... but if one can't swim ... then drowning is inevitable ... i also see this poem as a metaphor for "inviting trouble" ... i have a penchant for landing into trouble ... and once i do ... i always complain ... instead of learning how to swim ... :P ... well done, also on the short poem front ... you did a more than awesome job ... :) ...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 6, 2010
Last Updated on December 6, 2010

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OR
OR

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