Darkness

My only point to make is that you need to break it up a bit. Generally, in dialogue between two or more people, you shouldn't run it all together. When one character is done speaking and another speaks, create a new line.

Example:

"Where's my keys," Bob asked, shuffling through each pocket in a nervous panic.
"On your desk, dear," Jill replied.

Makes the story easier to follow. Keep up the work. Writing is a cruel task at times.

Posted 16 Years Ago

this was great to write ,very exciting really ,fear of dark places is really painful,about the ending why does it have to be like murder,off course you put three choices,well the best to fit is the first though i still think why should it end as a crime scene ,however,this is a great narrative ,lovely story and exciting to read...

Posted 16 Years Ago

My only point to make is that you need to break it up a bit. Generally, in dialogue between two or more people, you shouldn't run it all together. When one character is done speaking and another speaks, create a new line.

Example:

"Where's my keys," Bob asked, shuffling through each pocket in a nervous panic.
"On your desk, dear," Jill replied.

Makes the story easier to follow. Keep up the work. Writing is a cruel task at times.

Posted 16 Years Ago