The Present Time

A Story by PandaPeaceful

I don't think. I don't act. I don't do anything. Lost. Dead. Afraid. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. There were times I felt I knew it all. Empowerment cursed through my veins wildly like fire. Like a spark. Like a need to improve, to believe in myself. But I feel it all cascading down an hourglass. I know I can get it back. My confidence, my passion. But I feel my soul being trapped by its own powerful hand. I feel it slowly leaving me. Step by step, ripping out my desires. I feel so f*****g lost I can't function. I smile, I laugh, I am there. Helping my friends as they combat conflict. Helping them as they slowly drift away from me. Questioning my own self worth because of that. Questioning my body, my personality, my everything. Am I too boring? Too inexperienced? Too needy? Is it because I don't drink nor smoke? Is it because my lips have never touched another's? Is it because I love my parents and spend time with them? Or is it just me? My own bland self?

I talk to them, disinterest in their eyes. I ask questions,and find it's the only way they're alive. Thinking. But they never ask. They never care. Maybe it's different elsewhere. Maybe it's not. I upload a picture of myself. They argue seriously, telling me to take it down. I feel a lump in my throat. Anxiety, anger, fear. I want to cry. Scream. Let the world know how I feel. But my parents are next door. They can't know. We're already having problems. Why should I be another one?