Political?

Tried my hand at stupid political stuff... dunno if I like it.

This country is so dilapidated
I wouldn't even wanna be repatriated
I'm gonna volunteer to be deported
our founding ideas have been contorted
our views distorted
my mind is not comforted
by the talking of these politicians
they seem just like morticians
getting ready to put us in a coffin
acting like they do this often
maybe they have a great plan
to turn our problems into water
and stop them like the hoover dam
to hold us together like solder
but I doubt it
they don't seem to care about it
they just take their power and flout it
they're all a bunch of thespians
looking down on gays and lesbians
like this is something that
should concern us
they're just trying to turn us
from the real issues
like the misuse
and the abuse
of the power
they act like they're in a high tower
but they're not
down below they'll rot
once they're caught
and I hate to write
these words like it's a fight
these things should be ours by right

Reviews

[TLK]

I read this like it is spoken poetry, almost with a hip-hop kinda intonation to it. You really need to spit out the "often" after "coffin" to make them rhyme, so it sounds like an angry person on the street letting their rhythms flow. That gives it a great sense of being ground in the real, which of course is intentional, as I assume this is based on your feelings.

When you come to "bunch of thespians", it's as if being an actor is a bad thing. I know it is in the film Team America: World Police, but in real life actors can be quite respected. I know it rhymes with lesbians, and I'm not sure if there is another rhyme for lesbians out there -- at least not off the top of my head -- but I would consider changing it. Unless you don't like thespians in which case, hey, I'm sure some people at least would agree with you. They are on TV on the time and TV people are usually disagreeable.