Wounds and Triumphs

My mother says her pregnancy with me was the saddest. 

She never got to show, because I was so small. 

My sister says my birth took her mother away. 

My father said he knew how he felt about abortion but he told my mom he would stand with her with whatever she chose to do. 

My mother seems like she wished Joshua would have lived. 

He was born 1 year before me, but did not make it. 

If he had lived I wouldn't be here today. 

Nurses and doctors advised my mother to abort me. 

My Grandmother did not come to see me in the NICU because she had already been there so many times and did not want to be reminded. 

I was baptized alone. 

In mid August my little body shut down. Tired of fighting. 

My heart slowed to almost nothing.

If I had known then, what I know now I think I would have died...or at least died of sadness. 

But I got to live. 

I was a child of God. 

I loved him more than anything. 

My kindergarten teacher told my mother I was going to convert the whole class. 

I grew up rich in faith and love. 

And now, I am alone again. 

My brother and sister fell away from their faith. 

They seem annoyed by my faith and my love for God. 

I feel very lonely, but very happy. 

I just wish things were different. 

I wish my grandma wouldve come to see me. 

And I wish my sister werent so salty about my birth story. 

It makes me feel bad. 

I wish my mom and dad couldve been there for my baptism. 

And I wish more than anything...

That we could all come together again. 

To be one. 

To be happy.