No Escape

It seems sins hunt you out and find you if you are Catholic. Even venial ones! Despite the mortal sins of others which go unpunished.

The only colour

in the shadow-grey

vestry is blue, while

the blood red

of the sacred heart

beats in stony silence

over the nave.

I suffer the indignity

of having been duped

into blind faith

before I made my escape,

before I flew

with wax wings

into the future

on a moon-lit path

to the sun.

But a black priest

follows me,

scythe in hand

waiting to reclaim

my soul.

 

28/09/19

Author's Note

Reviews

[Leslie Philibert]

What I read here is the Icarus reference slipped in L12/13 which I thought fits well into the poem. Fine job

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hello Leslie, I hope you are ok. Keep looking out for your posts but been away in Croatia, Many thanks.

[Cortez]

Dark , towards, writers experience of Catholicism. There are heartbeats in the “nave” but, full of love and nurturing, I’ve experienced. Writer “escaped” but, being followed. Who follows? Is it family, wanting your presence/return. Or is it writer, knowing that, when life ends, he will return to that religion, from which he “was duped”/blessed.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Definitely duped as there is no such thing as Original sin or God! Many thanks.

[Gee]

Hmmm, the black priest, keep running Forrest. Never done religion seems like a crutch for those that THINK there must be more to them being here than just two adults playing hide the Sausage without contraception.
Hi John, hope you are well.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Gee I am 'as well as can be expected' lol! Yes me too I now despise all religion but do not harshly judge those who need the crutch just so long as they don't try to ram it down my throat! Many thank yous.

[Eilis]

I enjoy the poetic nature of this, John. You take a painful subject and make it compelling and almost mythical.

I’m learning what it is like for those who grew up Catholic. It seems to have been a damaging experience for many people. So unfortunate. Even for those who didn’t suffer the abuses that are often connected to the church, there is this other kind of pressure exerted through guilt that seems pervasive and lifelong.

Your poem offers a real sense of what that feels like emotionally and psychologically. It’s difficult to think about, but you offer an important perspective for understanding.

And from a poetry point of view I just thought this was an excellent poem.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed Eilis I know many who feel the same as lapsed Catholics so there is something in the pervasive nature of this religion that causes long term harm. Many thank yous for your comments.

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

I'm seeing a soul here being pursue by a faith that he's not interested in. Everyone are being trapped in one religion or the other trying to escape its influences upon our lives. To me, I think religion is whatsoever we believe in and put our trust on with our confident confided in. That's why I would say, even atheism is a really because they in their philosophical world.
Freedom of religion is everywhere, we shouldn't be chased down the path of life with what we don't believe in.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I think you and I agree on this one Kay. Many thanks for such a considered response.

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

My pleasure...

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

St. Thomas Aquinas said, "He who acts against his conscience always sins." I think the conscience is man's moral compass of knowing right from wrong. While I think this is what keeps us civilized as society, it's important to be aware of what frames the conscience. It can be influenced by others, and it's important to not let another's voice silence your own. It always frightens me when I read stories about mass suicide among cult members. When one worships another man as if he were a god and subjugates himself completely, this is what happens. For me, no man is greater than another. No man should be worshipped, and no man should stand as an intermediary between a man and God. If you believe in God, He created you. You have a direct line through prayer. Only God can absolve you of your sins.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Ah those 'catholic' sins are so different as it starts from the premise that we have sinned even before we started life. Original sin is a complex form of social control. Personally having been duped by priests as a child and a young man I have gravitated to Darwin and Hawking. My faith is in science and humanity as finite creatures. Many thanks for such a considered view on this one Linda.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

My pleasure. :-)

[R.E. Ray]

What I read here is "conscience." We see others indulging in the often immoral pleasures of life, seemingly without consequences, and we're tempted to take the same path. But, our minds tell us otherwise, perhaps reminded of something we heard or experienced in church or elsewhere. The conscience makes us pay with guilt when we stray, and that's what I read here in your words. A dark and heavy piece, but remarkable and thought-provoking.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You have hit the nail on the head R.E. Catholics are taught to carry the conscience of guilt with them from birth to death. Me I trashed it long ago but it still lurks in those shadows! Many thank yous for a lovely review.

[Chris Shaw]

This is dark John and weighs heavy on this reader. Reminding me of my lovely Catholic friend Claire, a boarder in a convent far from home and how she suffered for her religion. The tiny little things that were whipped up to become monsters. All those hail Mary's and rosary beads. Your final lines are chilling to read as is the imagery. Great free verse from your pen.

Chris

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thanks Chris, just back from a day and night of being fed and watered in a lovely country pub. Hope you are OK.

[Chris Shaw]

Sounds great and I am back in Brixham for a week. Sunny yesterday, but so very wet and miserable today. Music, films and poetry to pass the time. Plus vino of course :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Such a struggle! I don't think many could cope lol!

[Chris Shaw]

I know. I am doing my best :)))

[kentuck14]

As far as I know there is only one PERSON who knows all our sins . . . and wants to forgive. HE is the only ONE who can!
T

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed there are many who would agree Tom. many thanks for reading.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

We control who has access to our soul...choices lead us to where we land up...life is tough but we are tougher ...interesting write🌹

[John Alexander McFadyen]

If only some could have such control. i think all too often we simply drift with the prevailing winds. Many thanks for reading and commenting.