The Tortoise.

Fun for all.

I told her marriage was an institution.
She went mental.
I consoled myself with shooting the tortoise.
It was for the best.
There was no way it would win the greyhound derby.
She was beyond reason.
I was bringing it out of its shell.
I sort of laughed uncontrollably.
She didn’t.
She actually was trying to bring it out of its shell.
I suggested mad passionate love.
She wanted chocolates.
How about a toffee crisp and a fumble.
How about you dropping dead.
Who would pick up your pills if I dropped dead.
I would pick up my own pills.
What, you don’t know what day of the week it was last Thursday.
I was in love last Thursday.
Not with me.
No, with the pet shop owner
You do know he’s married.
He was leaving her for me.
He’s married to a bloke.
They’re both leaving their wives for me.
Is this about the tortoise.
What tortoise.
Never mind, let's get married.
Just now.
Yes, we can get married in the chemist shop
Somehow that makes sense.
What about children.
You could get them at the supermarket.
Three for two.
They hide them behind the screens now.
Children.
No silly, the alcohol I think.
They don’t hide the chocolates.
Did you really shoot the tortoise.
Yes, but the bullet bounced off its shell.
That’s good.
Not really, the pet shop owner was holding it.

Reviews

[Mrudula Rani]

You take your readers on a wonderful journey , wearing smiles...... with your writing.

[Paul Bell]

Think the Tortoise should be reinstated.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha i laughed the whole way through..well done sir!!! very very funny ...totally relatable ... what a keeper ... so glad i read it
E.

[Paul Bell]

Just what you need for a dull January.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes indeed my friend ..and i appreciate it ... :))))

[barleygirl]

As is often the case, you are wildly imaginative & entertaining! I think there must be some connective tissue missing in your brain, cuz I've never been able to free-associate with such abandon, & then you make it sound like a polished piece! Feel like you've got your head in the northern lights, flickering & sparking (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

I just know weird people. Then i write about them.
The good thing is. They don't realise they're weird. lol

[barleygirl]

Living in the boondocks, there are always oddballs who don't want to be scrutinized or conform to the much-more-strict confines of living in town *smile*

[Paul Bell]

These people are heroes. lol

[Neville]

Well this had me chuckling over my pot noodle I can tell you. Made me laugh no end. Very witty indeed and right up my street. Cheers, Neville

Hey, do they still make toffee crisp?

[Paul Bell]

They still make the humble toffee crisp.
Just put me in the mood now. lol

[Tony Jordan]

This recalled to me 'Whole of the moon' (Waterboys) in eloquence but as if it had been done in the vein of Fairytale of New York - has that grittiness too.
Bloody good job Paul.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Paul Bell,
"The Tortoise" is pretty cool! This poem was a spoof but it also gave voice (at least for me) of the reality that marriage is taken lightly far to much by many. Relationships are work and people are complex. I loved your opening line; I told her marriage was an institution. The tortoise part was fun and a light hearted look at how it seemed that the two in this little story struggle around what they think or what they interpret marriage- love to be about.............A fun one this.............Bless you. Kathy

[Paul Bell]

Wrote this years ago in honour of my old neighbours. They were sort of an institution.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Paul Bell,
OK that is interesting. I wondered if their was some kind of story behind this. Of course there is something going on as far as what inspires a poem or piece of work with all of us. so nice to hear what yours is. They must of been interesting people for your poem her surly was..thanks for your info and have good day today.........

[Valentine]

Thank you for my first chuckle of the day. Valentine

[Paul Bell]

My job is done.

[Lyn Anderson]

Hmm. I will have to think on this one. Quite a bit. Actually.

[Paul Bell]

I have a weird sense of humour. Totally fiction.

[Nisreen]

I am laughing
Thank you for That

She sounds like She might be physically ill and you dont know It

[Paul Bell]

Nothing ten pills wont cure. lol. Just fiction.

[Nisreen]

Lol
You got quite The sense of humor on you .... Eh ???
Lol
I cant stop laughing

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