Mummy

So what’s your excuse for a blind date

My boyfriend cheated on me, what’s yours.

Caught my mum in bed with my girlfriend.

Did you say anything.

No, she was on top, so I didn’t want to do anything

Did you tell your Dad

No, my Dads girlfriend killed him when she found out he was married.

Wow, you don’t have a sister do you.

I do, but she’s not allowed within ten miles of the house.

Is she a psycho or what.

No, she smashed a chair over mum's head when she caught her in bed with her boyfriend.

What, your mum was on top again.

I suppose so, it’s not really a picture I want to see.

Do you have a photo of your mum.

Yes, that’s her there.

Wow, I don’t usually have lesbian tendencies, but I’d do your mum.

Yes, a lot of people want to do my mum, I don’t get it.

Can I meet her.

Why the hell would you want to meet her.

I don’t know, can I be your girlfriend.

Is this so you can meet my mum.

Of course not, can I go home with you now.

My god, what is wrong with you woman.

Can I meet your sister, why don’t we get married.

We’ve only just met.

I know, but already I feel part of the family.

Reviews

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Hahahahaha
And they all lived happily ever after and yummy mummy gets to be on top alway lol. Hilarious and I had yet another laughing fit. Keep them coming Paul! This was a crazy family 😹😹😹

[Paul Bell]

That's why I got out of it. lol

[Betty Hermelee]

Paul, this is so comical and clever; I just loved it. You really have a knack for this. I though every line was great, but the funniest was "was your mom on top again?" and " She smashed a chair over mum's head..."What a crazy family, the sister a psycho, etc.... really well done!!!
Best, Betty

[Paul Bell]

Just glad I got out of the family. lol

[Betty Hermelee]

really? is any of this true?

[Paul Bell]

I thought all families were like this. lol

[Betty Hermelee]

Mine was pretty dysfunctional but not quite as crazy as this one; just loved this piece!!!!

[.]

Then i suppose that makes him a very unfortunate Mummy's boy! Judging by the way many Mummy's dress like their teenage daughters in some places, it's no wonder his Mummy is popular! Such a weird family dynamic this would be! Another fine piece of wit and whimsy, Paul! :))

[Paul Bell]

I think she was Mrs Robinson. Yeah, some mums are to hot for their own good.

[Laura Kate]

Wow, you don’t have a sister do you...
This line struck me the most. What is her intention for asking this? She seems to want to get to the Mum and/or the sister via the protagonist. She's also been cheated on, and now intends to be the cheater. Patterns repeating, all tied up in the middle with with an ancestral theme that's a little too close for comfort.
Great!

[Paul Bell]

21st century holy grail. Wonder if they're all still together or in separate prisons.

[Neville]

........................................ this is nowt short of brilliant my friend .. ...................... respect :)
Neville

[Paul Bell]

He dumped that poor girl.

[barleygirl]

I always enjoy your outlandish conversations dealing with topics most often swept under the rug. But this one set me off on a weird tangent. I found myself thinking about Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine, & how everyone used to bring home (to his mansion/commune) different women to fawn over him. For decades he had a huge harem of women he could tap anytime he wanted one or some. The "mom" in your story is the female counterpart to this typically-male archetype & I applaud you for updating this old male-dominated crap with a snazzy lesbo twist! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

Hugh Hefner, lucky b*****d. Sex daily keeps you young, or is it, young playmates keep you young.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"mummy, it's duddy---he's turned into a lesbian too" (loosely based on an episode of Monty Python's flying circus...your humor reminds me of theirs.
I think I followed it...
and they all changed their names to protect the guilty.

j.

[Paul Bell]

Yes, the guilty must be protected at all costs.

[Laura Kate]

'but mother....but father.....'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3YiPC91QUk

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that show was so funny....love this skit...
I'll watch the other guard.
j.

[Laura Kate]

One of my all time favourites!