The Answer Machine.

The Answer Machine.

A Poem by Paul Bell

Please leave your message after the tone, though I’ll probably never get back to you.

Paul- Phil here, can you drive a car with three wheels.
Paul- Sheryl, I’m leaving you for a Canadian lumberjack, don’t try and talk me out of it.
Paul- Micky here, that bird Tasmin you hooked me up with, she wants to try the buddha position, what the hell is it.
Paul- Phil, I’ve been arrested, f*****g fifty quid in the license, you dickhead.
Paul- Sheryl, you would just let me go off with a Lumberjack, you b*****d.
Mr Bell, do you know you’re entitled to five thousand pounds for that accident you had three years ago. Phone us.
Paul- Linda here, I’ve left Tony, can I crash at yours for a few days.
Paul,-Nurse Jackie here at the Psychiatric  hospital, just an update from the doctor, he’s still in two minds.
Paul,- Phil here, can you come and bail me out.
Paul--Sheryl, I’ve dumped the Lumberjack, going out with Hans now, my soul mate.
Paul- Tracy down at the STD clinic, your tests are clear, and no, I don’t want to celebrate with you.
Paul-  Micky, that Tamsin's a guy, what the hell is wrong with you.
Paul- Phil, are you coming or what.
Paul- Linda, We’re going to give it another go.
Paul, -Sheryl here, I’m giving you one more chance, I could have my pick of  guys, why the hell I picked you only god knows, I’m coming round now.
Paul-This is the sunshine holiday retreat company, your immediate sabbatical is now ready when you are.
Paul, nurse Jackie here at the Psychiatric hospital, is the doctor at yours.

© 2021 Paul Bell


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Reviews

Does anyone even use an answering machine anymore? If not, I can understand why, what with all such lunatics bombarding you with messages. I still get the dinner time phantom callers, though. Just as annoying! I enjoyed your humour here, Paul.💛

Posted 1 Week Ago


Paul Bell

1 Week Ago

Strangely enough, the line phone just sits there waiting for scammers and halfwits to annoy you.
.................................... 🤣😁😂😀

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Paul Bell

3 Weeks Ago

I like that. lol
Whoever should grab that lumberjack while they can because they are a fading breed.
BTW what's your #

Posted 1 Month Ago


Paul Bell

3 Weeks Ago

Are they still called lumberjacks, or has that been taking away from them now?
I have some odd one on my answering machine. Many with the offer of the free money. Of course, I delete. Only thing free in life. Death and taxes. Good morning Paul from Michigan and I enjoyed your thoughts today.
Coyote

Posted 1 Month Ago


Paul Bell

3 Weeks Ago

Love the free money ones, or the tax rebate you're definitely not due.
ah this made me chuckle. which i'm not sure I like, actually. I'm at the point in my life when chuckling creates something similar to liquefaction wherein random fat on my body jiggles uncontrollably. Nope. Don't think I like that at all. Seriously, this is chuckleworthy. Nicely penned

Posted 1 Month Ago


Paul Bell

1 Month Ago

You need a laugh these days. Jiggling is a form of exercise usually performed in the supermarket try.. read more
I am starting to block more calls these days.
It cost me three thousand to bail that guy out of jail...and I never got a penny back.
And then that lumberjack came after me with his ax for talking to his ex...
an ax for an ex, that wrecks any person's affects.
j.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Paul Bell

1 Month Ago

Beware of lumberjacks calling, actually, are you allowed to call them lumberjacks now.
A great spoof on voicemails: the most annoying thing ever, but I get the picture here. It boggles the mind and confuses life itself; Luckily you have the attitude that you will not answer them; but shows you what life is like in the world of messages... crazy
a thoughtful poem with dark humor
Best, B.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Paul Bell

1 Month Ago

Always someone wanting something, usually double glazing.
Betty Hermelee

1 Month Ago

Frankly I hate answer machines, it bad enough on your mobile….but that gibberish from robocalls dr.. read more

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Added on June 20, 2021
Last Updated on June 20, 2021

Author

Paul Bell
Paul Bell

About
I like poetry and stories that tell me something. Sometimes the shortest poems hit the hardest. If I post something serious, don't worry, a funny poem will follow. Don't hesitate to tell me if my po.. more..

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