Her Beauty ~ My inner thoughts

Mesmerized by her natural beauty,
Her dark brown eyes gazed upon me,
As if to say, at last...
"I have finally found you!"

Affectionately mystified by her presence,
She then spoke softly to me,
With an innocence in her voice...
My heart had completely surrendered,

Surreal was this moment,
A feeling I had not felt before,
Craving this inner desire...
I had to know if this was real,

Bound with sure delight,
Once again I would be greeted by her smile,
An unforgettable evening spent together,
Unbeknownst thoughts of seeing her again,

As night turned to a memorable sunrise,
Yearning for time to stand still,
Embracing her tightly,
I would kiss her once more,

Undeniable, this wondrous passion,
That has touched us both, so deeply,
A feeling of forevermore,
To be lucky in love.

Reviews

[William Liston]

This is very soft and romantic. I'm sure the person you wrote this too would enjoy (that is, assuming this piece is intended for some one). I also enjoyed this piece from a technical perspective. The structure was nice and the grammar, word choices, and punctuation were (for the most part) spot on.

For critiques: Here are some points to consider:

1. "A unforgettable evening"
"A" needs to be "An" because the following words begins with a vowel sound.

2. "had not once felt before"
The word "once" is redundant here.

3. "I have finally found you"
Consider putting quotes around this or putting it in italics. I think that would make this line stronger.

Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

[Paul]

Extremely helpful. As well as appreciated! Thank you for your kind words William.

[Surya]

To be lucky in love......
An enjoyable work, with true emotions, I felt so....I liked it..:)