Her Beauty ~ My inner thoughts

Her Beauty ~ My inner thoughts

A Poem by Paul

Mesmerized by her natural beauty,
Her dark brown eyes gazed upon me,
As if to say, at last...
"I have finally found you!"

Affectionately mystified by her presence,
She then spoke softly to me,
With an innocence in her voice...
My heart had completely surrendered,

Surreal was this moment,
A feeling I had not felt before,
Craving this inner desire...
I had to know if this was real,

Bound with sure delight,
Once again I would be greeted by her smile,
An unforgettable evening spent together,
Unbeknownst thoughts of seeing her again,

As night turned to a memorable sunrise,
Yearning for time to stand still,
Embracing her tightly,
I would kiss her once more,

Undeniable, this wondrous passion,
That has touched us both, so deeply,
A feeling of forevermore,
To be lucky in love.

© 2017 Paul

My Review

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This is very soft and romantic. I'm sure the person you wrote this too would enjoy (that is, assuming this piece is intended for some one). I also enjoyed this piece from a technical perspective. The structure was nice and the grammar, word choices, and punctuation were (for the most part) spot on.

For critiques: Here are some points to consider:

1. "A unforgettable evening"
"A" needs to be "An" because the following words begins with a vowel sound.

2. "had not once felt before"
The word "once" is redundant here.

3. "I have finally found you"
Consider putting quotes around this or putting it in italics. I think that would make this line stronger.

Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

Posted 4 Years Ago


4 Years Ago

Extremely helpful. As well as appreciated! Thank you for your kind words William.
To be lucky in love......
An enjoyable work, with true emotions, I felt so....I liked it..:)

Posted 4 Years Ago

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12 Reviews
Added on March 28, 2017
Last Updated on March 28, 2017
Tags: Love, passion, new, chance, romance



Ontario , Canada

Writing has been a passion of mine, ever since I started taking it seriously about two years ago. My poetry is a constant work in progress, in which I strive to succeed more so every day. Your cons.. more..


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