Songs for an all-night vigil: What You Never Know

A Stage Play by Alexis_McLeod

This is actually a radio play that was meant to be an anthology show.

SONGS FOR AN ALL �"NIGHT VIGIL: WHAT YOU NEVER KNOW

1.MUSIC: Sibelius: The Tempest-First Suite, Op 109 No.2-7, Intrada-Berceus (from 0:40 to 2:20) PROGRAM THEME. CONTINUE UNDER

Narrator: When evening shadows congeal to

form midnight gloom, when traffic

lights blink yellow and red, when the

lonesome moaning of trains echo off

the silent clouds of the night sky,

when restless thoughts breed

terrifying dreams, and when bright

bedroom lights and reason still can’t chase away the terror of the eerie, unaccountable reverberate of creaks and groans, there are and will always be…

SONGS FOR AN ALL NIGHT VIGIL. (PAUSE)

Tonight, a tale, a narrative to accompany you while you keep vigil over your very mortal soul! Don’t fall asleep! For the thief in the night comes when

watchful eyes are closed. And, make no mistake,

he will not stop until he’s stolen the morning’s light.

And leaves you to the forsaken, never-ending night! (PAUSE)

In our song titled, “What You Never Know,” find out how ‘what you never know’ actually CAN hurt you.

WHAT YOU NEVER KNOW

CHARACTERS

Declivity: male, demon, middle aged, mid-western accent

Troy Vanders: male, light Southern accent, mid-thirties

Jackie: female, African American, slight southern accent, mid-thirties

Muriel: female, African American, mid-western accent, mid-thirties

Ophelia: female, mid-western accent, mid-thirties

1.SOUND: FADE INTO BACKGROUND MOANS, MUTED SCREAMING, AND TYPICAL “HELL” NOISES. ENTER MID-CONVERSATION

SCENE ONE: HELL

(Declivity and Vanders)

Declivity: (bored) Do you think she can do it, Troy?

Troy: (irritable) Why do you care, Declivity? You’ve hedged your bets. You’ve got nothing to lose.

Declivity: (indulgent chuckle) Well, right. Of course. (PAUSE), And you, you’ve got everything to lose.

Troy: (edgy) How can you lose what you don’t have?! I’ve either gained or I’m left with what I already have. (PAUSE) I care nothing for your sport. What does it matter to me if the eternal monotony of your days goes unbroken?

Declivity: (scoffs, bored) Troy, you are a fool and a liar, each of the worst sort. (PAUSE) Do you imagine I’m blind and cannot see you quake with fear and hope?

Troy: What of it?!

Declivity: (indulgent, condescending chuckle) What indeed! (PAUSE) You know she may fail. I’ve given you an opportunity through her. And you can only stand by and watch your chance slip through her fingers.

Troy: (turning on him) Is it not enough that I’m in this place?! Is it not enough that you’re my jailer and have perpetrated every kind of violence upon my soul?! (PAUSE) Why then must you continue to tantalize me!

Declivity: (laughs)Because this is Hell! And here, as far as you’re concerned, I make all the decisions, I design the instruments of your excruciation and the duration of your torment! And I am the one to decide the terms of wager. And NOT you! You have no power here, murderer!
(beat, then calmer) Besides, what makes you so sure that she’ll fail in her task? I daresay you don’t know as much of her character as you boast.

Troy: She was a drug-addled glob of trailer park trash when I found her. She was an imbecile then, and she remains as such. Hell has imparted her no wisdom.

Declivity: You know this for a fact, eh? (Indulgent chuckle)

Troy: Yes! I know this and more! (PAUSE) I know that your wager means nothing. You offer us each a lifetime above; a lifetime free of this place will seem but a moment in the face of eternity. I know that you only make wagers that are certain to fall in your favor. You chose an idiot to accomplish a delicate task and base the entire weight of your bet on the knowledge that she will fail.

Declivity: Perhaps you’re right. So, in my infinite search for “sport,” I suppose I could offer you the chance to profit. (PAUSE) Yes, I said profit even in the face of what you believe to be her almost certain failure. Are you game?

Troy: What, a side bet?

Declivity: Exactly! A side bet that doesn’t change the original terms, but I’ll sweeten the success if you win. What is sport to me can be advantageous to you.

Troy: What is this? Will you give her more tasks to fail?

Declivity: How you speak with such animosity towards the woman who shared your life and fate.

Troy: I only speak truth.

Declivity: Oh, my, (laughs) you speak truth?!

Troy: In life she could do nothing, NOTHING without my guidance.

Declivity: I will give you that. What deeds you committed; you committed as one. Still, you are far too confident in your knowledge of her character. Her potential if you will. (PAUSE) I submit that you know far too little of her, while she knows you better than you know yourself.

Troy: How can you speak such drivel?! She was nothing more than my servant and my w***e.

Declivity: That was then, this is now.

Troy: Now! Then! What do I care! I’m tired of talking about her!
(PAUSE) What of this “profit”, this side bet?

Declivity: Yes, well. Should you win our side wager, you shall have your lifetime AND the lifetime that was to be Ophelia’s. And the wealth, the wealth will be yours and yours completely. (PAUSE) That is, if she fails to complete her task. As you assume she will.

Troy: And if I lose our side bet and she fails?

Declivity: Your loss and her failure leave you both no worse than you already are. (PAUSE) Her success and your win mean lifetimes for you both and equally shared wealth. Provided she finds a soul to replace you. But if you lose our side bet and she succeeds in her task per the original bet, (beat, hearty laugh) then your “imbecile,” your “w***e” and all your other epithets for this woman you know so well, will have all of your wealth. And will have two lifetimes in which to spend it as she pleases.

Troy: There is deception in this somewhere, Declivity.

Declivity: (uproarious laughter) Have you forgotten that you are in Hell?! Deception is everywhere! (calmer) You’ve got no reason to trust me. This is true. (PAUSE) So I will offer you this. You get to choose the side wager. Yes, you. Your confidence has always amused me; so, I will give you the chance to profit by your knowledge of her ways. But your loss could be her gain.

Troy: You are a fool to offer up so much for the sake of such trifling amusements.

Declivity: Perhaps. (PAUSE) And yet, I’m aware of your hesitation to accept. Could it be that, even in all her “simplicity,” she still knows your mind better than you know your own?

Troy: (surly) I’ll take your offer, Demon! Whether you keep to it or not, I will delight in flaunting the depths of your supreme idiocy. (PAUSE) Here is my wager. Of all she (mocking) “knows of me,” in all the deeds we committed in life, there is one thing for certain that she does not know, and hence, cannot tell. Of other things, she might have luck in guessing. But of this thing she has no knowledge. Even though we committed the crime “as one,” there is one piece, one part of the ordeal of which she has no knowledge. (PAUSE) She knows me no better than you.

Declivity: One thing, you say?

Troy: Yes. So thoroughly do I fathom this woman’s mind! As they say, “She doesn’t know where all the bodies are buried.”

Declivity: You believe that she does not know this fact of yours. (PAUSE) Fine. I’ll wager that she has such a vast understanding of your ways that she does know this one fact that you’ve kept hidden for so long.

Troy: Fool! You’ve lost already.

1.MUSIC: SCENE CHANGE MUSIC

SCENE TWO: MURIEL’S APARTMENT

(Muriel and Jackie)

Muriel VO: My grandmother had the gift. In some circles, seeing and hearing people that no one else can, is an ability to be treasured. As with many hereditary conditions, it skips a generation. So now I have it. And to me, it has always been more of an ailment than a gift. While most parents would have rushed their child to a psychiatrist, my mother had understood. I’ve traded a life of Thorazine and hospitalization for one that has had more than its share of nightmares, bad relationships, and the vast frustration of not being able to share my experiences with anyone close.
A bad place to be, until I found my current gig. I do freelance work for various ghost hunters magazines. You see, I can tell a scam right off the back. And so, I spend my time traveling from one ‘haunted’ site to another either confirming or debunking claims of spectral infestations.
I’ve no great love for ghost, and they know it. Still, we’ve come to a civil understanding. I’ve even delivered a message or two for some of the nicer ones. But I’m strictly a medium, I don’t cleanse houses or any such. I merely report my findings along with brief description of the place and circumstances that led to the resident phantom’s displeasure and hence, unwillingness to leave said premises. (PAUSE) I keep myself fed and clothed well enough; some of these ghost enthusiasts are willing to pay a handsome price for my either ‘Yah’ or ‘nay’. And with so many phony psychics about, I’m worth the investment. (PAUSE)
I’d taken to writing travel brochures for ghost hunters. Every hotel, inn or bed & breakfast, and even the occasional flop house would send me invitations to stay at their establishment, all hoping to receive a five-star ghostly rating and wanting to get on the map for phantom tourists all over the world. Every month, many would send me stories of how a maid felt a hand on her shoulder while making the beds, or how water pipes burst suddenly with no explanation. Some, on the brink of bankruptcy, would beg me to come, stay and boost business with my tantalizing tales of the paranormal. My life had become as paranormal as my stories while my ex and I tortured ourselves slowly before finally agreeing to break�"up. I sat with my misery as she happily announced her engagement to a mutual friend�"a friend with whom I’d always suspected her of having an affair. Really, I didn’t care. Eventually she’ll cheat on her just as she had cheated on me. No, what made me so miserable was that I’d not found anyone or anything to fill the hole she’d left in my life for the last 6 years.

1.MUSIC: MUSICAL INTERLUDE

Muriel VO: But enough of all that. Of my story�"well it ended badly. I suppose that’s all I’m prepared to tell myself. For the last 6 months, I’ve tried to come to terms with what happened. None too successfully, I’m afraid. (PAUSE)
For two weeks, I had been dreaming the same dream. You see, I was working on a non�"paranormal article. “House Always Wins,” was a 3rd rate expose involving state lottery executives profiting from the sales of ‘The Lottery Computer.’

Oftentimes, the back pages of several well-known tabloids are crammed full of ads for psychic phone lines, tarot readings and all of the other stuff to which desperate people cling in hopes of taking control of a life that was destined to be beyond their control. One ad, large and colorful, boasted of a device certain to improve the chances of winning any lottery. This “Lottery Computer” as it was called, would record all the winning numbers of past lotteries, and, based on the numbers already chosen, would predict possible number combinations for play in future lotteries. The idea was that once a winning number combination came up, that number combination could *never* come up again. Well, the laws of probability say otherwise. It’s possible for a winning lottery combination to occur 5, 10 even 100 weeks in a row. Improbable, but not impossible. And so, lottery officials, knowing this, still received a kick-back from the sales of this scam. The money bought the silence of the state commission. It was yet another way to prey upon the desperate and the unaware. (PAUSE)
Throughout my rewrites, I’d dreamt of her relentlessly and wake up, desire worn down to despair. She was the only light of my sorry and excruciating early adolescence.
Ophelia was her name. And she, to my 13-year-old eyes, was beautiful. She had none of the junior high awkwardness that plagues most of us. She had an ‘adult’ beauty. Her mother and her sister hated me. They knew what I was before I even knew the word for it. But where she could have been cruel, she was merciful. Her kindness enveloped me and when I was in the throes of my first crush, she cushioned my heart. There was an understanding in her that went far beyond her years. (PAUSE) I never forgot her for it. In fact, it seems her ghost haunted each of my relationships. But we grew up and apart. And I never knew what became of her. Until it happened.

Jackie (Phone): Well, as usual, Muriel, you did not disappoint.

Muriel: Thanks. For you, always my best.

Jackie (Phone): (chuckles) Yeah, okay. I’ve made some suggestions and you’ll have to do some more fact checking. But all in all, I’m impressed. I’ll put it to Brian first thing Friday morning. E-mail it to me by 6AM so he can have it to him by seven.

Muriel: But Jackie, that’s less than 36 hours!

Jackie (phone): (ironic) I have great faith in you. Besides, that’s the only way it’s going to make it into the next issue. You know that if it doesn’t make this week’s cut, I don’t know how or when I’ll be able to convince Brian to print it.

Muriel: Yeah, well that’s great, wonderful. (PAUSE) So when do I get paid.

Jackie(phone): Muriel, you know how Brian works. You always ask me that as if I can somehow make him get that to you faster.

Muriel: I know you have a way with him.

Jackie(phone): Uh huh, yeah. I don’t want to hear the rest of that. (chuckles playfully) So are you still having those hot sex dreams about “golden girl?”

Muriel: Yes, yeah. I am. Damnedest thing!

Jackie (phone): You know, my grandmother believed in the power and significance of dreams---

Muriel: Here we go.

Jackie (phone): Look my grandmother knew more about dreams than Freud.
(PAUSE) All I’m saying is that you should pay attention to those dreams. You of all people should understand that there’s more to things than just what we see. (PAUSE) Besides, they could be a harbinger of things to come.

Muriel: Yeah, or a winning lottery number, right?

Jackie (phone): Mock me if you want. (PAUSE) Just get all the corrections into me, okay.

Muriel: Yep.

Jackie(phone): And don’t forget to hit “save” every few minutes. That raggedy laptop of yours is as old as dirt. Why don’t you just get a new one that saves automatically? God, the folks at my dad’s rest home are more computer savvy than you.

Muriel: Thank you.

Jackie(phone): Look, all I’m saying is that we can’t have any more missed deadlines. So, head off to the coffee shop or wherever and work your magic.

Muriel: Yep.

Jackie(phone): Yeah, well you just make sure that you--

Muriel: Yep. (disconnects)

1.MUSIC: SCENE CHANGE MUSIC

SCENE THREE: COFFEE HOUSE

(Muriel and Ophelia)

Muriel VO: Maybe it’s because of the gift, but throughout my life I’ve grown to read more into coincidence than most other people. Perhaps I’d call it destiny. While at my resident table the coffeehouse across from my apartment---

1.SOUND: A BARISTA GRINDING ESPRESSO BEANS, DIN OF CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER, SOFT JAZZ IN BACKGROUND, MAYBE A BELL ON GLASS FRONT DOOR.

Ophelia: Oh my God! You couldn’t by any chance be Muriel Stevens, could you?

Muriel: I’m sorry, I�"

Ophelia: It’s me, Ophelia Mc Neil from junior high!

Muriel: Wow, Ophelia! I�"I. (PAUSE) Wow!

Ophelia: (laughs)

Muriel: So�" how have ya’ been?

Ophelia: (laughs) Oh�" well you mean over the last 20 odd years. Um. Okay. Exactly how do I answer a question like that?

Muriel: Yeah. (laughs, embarrassed as Ophelia laughs light heartedly)

Ophelia: No, no. (PAUSE) You know I’m just having fun. (PAUSE) (seriously) So much has happened since I last saw you at eighth grade graduation.

Muriel: Well, actually, umm, we did kind of see each other again. (PAUSE) You know that one time at the mall.

Ophelia: Oh, oh �"yeah, right. I’m so sorry about that. You know I did not mean to blow you off like that.

Muriel: No, don’t worry, it’s no big deal.

Ophelia: Yeah, yeah it was. For the longest time I regretted that.

Muriel: We were kids, for cryin’ out loud. (smoothing laugh)

Ophelia: Yeah, I know, but still. I’m sorry.

Muriel: Okay. (PAUSE) Apology accepted. Did you want to a sit? I mean if you’ve got time or something.

Ophelia: Oh, I thought you’d never ask. This coffee is scalding my hand as we speak.

1.SOUND: WOODEN CHAIR MOVING ACROSS FLOOR

AGAINST DIN AND SOFT JAZZ

(PAUSE) You know, the weird thing is, I never go to this shop. My regular coffee shop is across town.

Muriel: I didn’t even know you were still here. (PAUSE) I mean in the state. (PAUSE) I ran into Stacy Packers like twelve years ago and ago she told me that you went out west.

Ophelia: Yeah, I did. (PAUSE) (sips coffee) I’ve been back for quite a while now. How about you? Did you leave and re-settle?

Muriel: Yeah. I went to the east coast for a while. I lived in Massachusetts for a few years. I came back when my mother took ill. And I’ve been in state ever since.

Ophelia: Is she okay?

Muriel: She passed away.

Ophelia: I’m sorry.

Muriel: Thanks. It’s been well over a decade now. Her illness actually brought us closer; I think. Nothing like death to either bring a family together or to tear them apart, as the case may be. How about your sister and your mom?

Ophelia: Yeah, they’re still here. (flatly) We’re as close as we’ve always been. (silence)

Muriel: Yeah.

Ophelia: Did you--did you ever get married or anything?

Muriel: (chuckles) Ah, um well, no I never got married�"as evidenced by the lack of a wedding band on my finger. (playful laughter)

Ophelia: Well, you could’ve just gotten divorced for all I know. (laughs along) (PAUSE) I just didn’t want to assume anything, you know. Marriage means different things to different people.

Muriel: Sure, well, I most definitely never got married. I don’t have any kids or anything. It’s just me. (PAUSE) I’m guessing that you did marry, have kids with the whole white picket fence and everything,

Ophelia: Well, you got one thing�" I did get married, well, common law married. We never had kids, thank God. It was a match made in hell. It was a big mistake for several reasons.

Muriel: Oh, I’m sorry. If it helps, my track record’s been more than dismal.

Ophelia: Why do people do that?

Muriel: Make mistakes?

Ophelia: No, I mean, why do people think that their own misery would make another person feel better.

Muriel: Well, it’s as they say, “misery loves company.”

Ophelia: That’s just the thing. It makes me even sadder that your relationships haven’t lasted. Of all the people I’ve known, I think that you’re the one who’s most deserved to be happy.

Muriel: Ophelia, that’s sweet, thanks. But I don’t think that I deserve to be happy any more than anyone else. (PAUSE) You know, I’m not the same person I was in junior high school.

Ophelia: (softly, endearingly) Oh, but you are.

Muriel: Oh, so I’m still awkward and insecure. Thanks. (playful)

Ophelia: (laughs) No, no. That’s not it. (seriously)
You know what I meant. Are you (laughs) I don’t know how to ask this, but�"

Muriel: Am I a lesbian?

Ophelia: No, I already know that.

Muriel: Wait! So how do you “already know that?”

Ophelia: Muriel, really now. It’s me, Ophelia, okay. (PAUSE) I knew since junior high. Hell, I knew while we were still in grade school.

Muriel: Okay. I did have a little crush on you.

Ophelia: Little?

Muriel: Yeah! It could a have been a phase. I could’ve outgrown it, you know.

Ophelia: (delightful laugh) You really haven’t changed. You’re still the sweet girl who could always make me laugh, no matter what. (beat, affectionately) It’s so good to see you.

Muriel: (embarrassed) Ophelia. (PAUSE) So what were you going to ask me?

Ophelia: Just�" just if you were, you know, seeing anyone. You know, right now, I mean?

Muriel: (stunned, embarrassed) I �"Well�" no, no. I�" I’m not.

Ophelia: Good. (sigh) Would you like to maybe have dinner or maybe go out together with me sometime. (PAUSE) It doesn’t have to be today or anything.

Muriel: (altogether too eager) Yes!

Ophelia: (laughs relieved) I’m glad.

Muriel: Wait, you mean actually going out?

Ophelia: Yes, I do. And maybe after that (suggestively) we could stay in.

1.MUSIC: SCENE CHANGE MUSIC

SCENE FOUR: MURIEL’S APARTMENT

(Muriel, Jackie, and Ophelia)

Jackie (phone): Wait a minute! Wait a minute! So, she just shows up yesterday out of the blue and within hours, the two of you become lovers. AND you gave her a key to your place?! (PAUSE) What’s wrong with this picture?

Muriel: (beat, then sheepishly) Nothing--?

Jackie (phone): Oh my God! (PAUSE) You get a little of the pink and all your common sense just goes out the window.

Muriel: You were the one who was talking about (mocking) “The power of dreams” and blab, blab manifestations of spiritual blah, blab.

Jackie (phone): Girl, I always suspected but now I know for certain that you really don’t listen clearly to what I say. Talking ‘bout “blab, blah, blah.” (PAUSE) Enough. It’s like Oprah says�"

Muriel: Oh Christ, here we go�"Confucius say, ‘Do what Oprah say.’

Jackie (phone): Okay, okay, Miss Thang! The least you can do is to Google her a*s to make sure that she checks out. All I’m saying is, be careful with your heart. (PAUSE) So how’s that rewrite coming along?

Muriel: (PAUSE) It’s alright.

Jackie (phone): Muriel!

Muriel: It’s coming along! (PAUSE) You said that it only needed a little tweaking.

Jackie(phone): Now you know that I have to have a copy on Brian’s desk first thing in the morning! You are my friend, Muriel. But this is business. I either get the rewrite by tomorrow morning or it doesn’t get published and you don’t get paid! I always go to bat for you, Muriel. Don’t screw around and make me look bad in front of Brian! (PAUSE) Sistah girl, you know I love ya’ but I don’t play that s**t!

Muriel: Look! I said the rewrite is corning along.

Jackie(phone): (sighs) Just get it done!! Bye.

Muriel: (disconnects) F**k you.

Ophelia: [shuffles in, yawning] Morn’n baby. [kiss] Who was that on the phone? You sounded so upset.

Muriel: Oh, that was just my editor. She wanted my r-write. (PAUSE) I swear that woman could drive the devil from the throne of Hell.

Ophelia: (chuckles) I seriously doubt that. (PAUSE) Oh it’s already eight?! I hate mornings; baby, I gotta’ get going.

1. SOUND: RUSHING ABOUT PUTTING ON CLOTHES

Muriel: A- Are you going to come over again tonight? I can make us dinner.

Ophelia: Oh, honey, I don’t know. (PAUSE) It sounds like you are going to be busy with your rewrite and everything.

Muriel: It’s nothing, really. I just have to check a few facts for this stupid, little article.

Ophelia: I can’t imagine that it’s either “stupid” or “little.”

Muriel: Well, it’s not my best work, that’s for sure. (PAUSE) It shouldn’t take me more than a couple hours,

Ophelia: [kisses] Well in that case, [kisses] I’ see you round seven. Oh, don’t worry about dinner. I know a great takeout place. Mexican, okay?

Muriel: Sure. I miss you already.

1.SOUND: DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES

Muriel VO: After I showered and got dressed, I sat down to my laptop. It took me an hour to get focused, my head was reeling from the afterglow. But finally, I started to re-write and re-phrase most of the red marked sections of “House always Wins.” (PAUSE)
It was about five when the phone rang. It was Ophelia saying she would have to work late, and she wasn’t sure when she’d be able to come over. Good news for me since this re-write was taking much longer than I’d anticipated. I assured her that she was welcome to come over, regardless of the time. I only knew that I wanted, no needed, to see her again. I had to make sure that she was not a waking dream. (PAUSE) I rose from the keyboard to stretch my legs. When I returned to my desk, sandwich in hand, I decided to divert my attention from the increasingly frustrating tenth paragraph. Jackie said I should Google Ophelia. Why not? She seemed so forthcoming with the details of her life. She was the manager at a retail clothing store across town. That was good enough for me. Truth was that for once in my life I just wanted to be happy with no strings attached. I suppose I was like one of those people who refuses to see a doctor for fear of finding something wrong, even though they are already suffering from the symptoms.
Lured in by one of those costly internet criminal and credit records retrieval services, I pulled out my credit card and committed myself fully. None of the records matched. They were either the wrong age or the wrong city. One listed a very unlikely address 10 years ago. After firing off a quick email to the retrieval service, threatening to report them to the Better Business Bureau, I forced myself to try one more source. By eleven p.m., I’d wanted nothing more than to happily surrender my search. But like the proverbial dangerous fruit, the quest for knowledge overwhelmed my desire to stay blissfully ignorant. In that final search, there was plenty; my heart sank.

1.MUSIC: SCENE CHANGE MUSIC

SCENE FIVE: MURIEL’S APARTMENT

(Muriel and Ophelia)

2.SOUND: KEY UNLOCKS DOOR AND DOOR OPENS

Ophelia: Hi Baby! I’m sorry. I know it’s past midnight, but you said I could come over any time. So how was your day? I tell ya’, it must be a full moon or something, ‘cause everyone at work was so crazy. (PAUSE) I stopped to pick up dinner. But of course, I’d forgotten my wallet at home. And it was getting so late. I was thinking that maybe we could just order from here. If you could cover me again, I could get you the money tomorrow. I just didn’t want to go home ‘cause I couldn’t wait to get back to you. It’s been�"

Muriel: Who are you?

Ophelia: (playfully) I don’t know. Ah, who are You?

Muriel: Cut the bullshit. Who the hell are you really?

Ophelia: Oh my God! (laughs) Why are you holding a butter knife?

Muriel: No more lies, get it! “Ophelia McNeil” was killed two months ago in a shootout outside of a small bank in Oklahoma. Again, I will ask you, who are you and what is your business with me?

Ophelia: (dejected) You might as well put the butter knife away, you can’t kill someone who’s already dead.

1.MUSIC: MUSICAL INTERLUDE

Ophelia: I’m actually glad that you know now. (PAUSE) I haven’t much time left on this plane.

Muriel: How? (PAUSE) But usually I can tell. I mean, we made love. You were warm and substantial and--

Ophelia: What? You’re surprised that your ‘ghost radar’ didn’t pick me up? (rueful chuckle) It takes so much energy to don the effects of the living. I recuperated during the day so that I could be with you tonight. (PAUSE) Please don’t look at me that way, Muriel.

Muriel: How exactly do you think I’m supposed to take all of this?! (Beat, snorts) You fall out of the sky�"�"

Ophelia: Or something.

Muriel: Whatever. You show up in my life one day after 20 some odd years. We�"we shared intimacy and now you tell me that you’re back from the dead. [chilled, teeth chatter] Why is it freezing in here now?

Ophelia: I’m sorry. It happens when I stop concentrating. As I said, it takes a lot of energy to be here in this way with you. (PAUSE) I�" I made certain (PAUSE) arrangements, so I could be here with you.

Muriel: But why?

Ophelia: I admit, okay, my appearance is a ruse. I lied to you about my life (PAUSE) about being alive. But you have to believe me when I say that I love you. I realized just how much I’d wasted my life. So, I bargained to come back from Hell just long enough to spend time with the person I loved and feared most in this world.

Muriel: Feared? You had nothing to fear from me. Why didn’t you come to me while you were still alive?

Ophelia: Muriel (PAUSE) I was always so terrified that you’d find out that I wasn’t the person you thought I was. I knew that if I stayed away�"if you didn’t know me, you’d continue to love me. And, as I grew up, no matter what happened in my life, I always knew that somewhere, there was someone who loved me, someone who dreamed of me as I should be, not as I was.

Muriel: I-I-my head is killing me right now. I’ve got to get an aspirin or something from the bathroom medicine cabinet. Just�"I don’t know wait here. Don’t de-materialize of anything. I’ll be right back.

Ophelia: Don’t be long.

Muriel VO: I was afraid one of my migraines was starting up. As I was at the bathroom sink just finishing a glass of water and--

1.SOUND: LAPTOP SLAMS AGAINST HARD FLOOR

Ophelia: Oh, s**t!

Muriel: What the hell was that?!

Muriel VO: It had only been a moment, but when I’d run back to the front room, there stood Ophelia at my desk. My laptop lay in pieces at her feet.

Muriel: What did you do?!

Ophelia: I was just standing here, reading your wonderful article and---

Muriel: Oh my God! My article! I can’t remember if I sent the attachment! Jackie’s going to kill me! Oh, Christ, did I forget to save it on the flash drive!

Ophelia: I’m so sorr---

Muriel: (more to herself)�"I mean the laptop was old, but it couldn’t have gotten that much damage from just falling. It had to be slammed. (PAUSE) Ophelia, did you�"I mean, on purpose?

Ophelia: (dejected) Muriel, I’m so sorry.

Muriel: (dismayed) But why?

Ophelia: It was the cost.

Muriel: The cost? (irritated) The cost of what?!

Ophelia: Muriel (PAUSE) I was sent here by my demon jailer, Declivity to make sure that your article wasn’t published. You see, the people you are telling on, those officials, belong to him, the dark lord of souls. And they’ve been granted free reign here on earth without consequences.

Muriel: What?!

Ophelia: I took the mission because it gave me a little time to be away from Hell. But you see, Declivity’s a gambler at heart�"well as much as any demon could have a heart. Anyway, he bet me that I couldn’t complete my mission

Muriel: That you couldn’t stop me from publishing. But what if you win?

Ophelia: If I win, then I get an entire lifetime away from Hell along with wealth. Only thing is, I’d have to find an innocent to take my place in Hell for that lifetime until I return.

Muriel: Well, I can’t send it since you’ve destroyed my laptop. Besides it’s due in a matter of hours. I couldn’t possibly rewrite all of it onto a new laptop. Plus, all of my notes were in those files.

Ophelia: Actually, Muriel, I saved it to your flash drive before I did it. I was torn, Muriel. At first, I thought I couldn’t do it, then I thought about how much I wanted to stay with you. But (PAUSE) I just couldn’t bring myself to send an innocent to Hell. And the article is so important to so many people. The officials will face justice. I’ve always admired your sense of right and wrong. (PAUSE) You’ve changed me, Muriel. Away from Troy, I’m the person I should have been. (PAUSE) The entire article is on the flash drive, you still have time to make it to a FedEx store and email it from one of their computers. Forgive me, Muriel.

Muriel: But Ophelia�"

Ophelia: We only have about two more hours till six. Honey, he’s going to take me back and there’s nothing you or I should do to stop him. Please, just go.

Muriel: There’s got to be a way. I-I just have to think, that’s all.

Ophelia: There’s no acceptable way. I won’t condemn an innocent�"not even for you.

Muriel: (fevered) Who in this world, except for the very young, are truly innocent?

Ophelia: My love, most everyone that takes breath is more innocent than me. (PAUSE) You look so shocked. Sweetie, I was very much deserving of my end. In my attempts to run from myself, I ended up in the arms of Troy Vanders.

Muriel: Troy Vanders! You mean that smart-assed, spoiled rich kid from junior high? He used to torture animals!

Ophelia: Yeh, that very one. (PAUSE) You see, it’s that look in your eye. That judgmental look. I just couldn’t stand to see your disapproval. It’s why I stayed away.

Muriel: My heart, I’m not judging you. (PAUSE) I guess I’m trying to put my head around it. (PAUSE) But the newspaper said it was your partner, not you who shot and killed that security guard. It doesn’t make what you did okay. But still, robbing a bank isn’t the same as murder.

Ophelia: Does it really matter now, Muriel?

Muriel: Yes! You robbed that bank for what, $10,000 maybe. There are white collar criminals who have taken ten times more. Robbing a bank in Oklahoma doesn’t compare with the hundreds of millions swindled by Bernie Madoff. Hell, take the lottery officials in my article.

Ophelia: So, what are you saying?

Muriel: I’m saying that guilt and innocence are relative.

Ophelia: (irritated) No. What you’re saying is I should deliver up a soul because you’ll miss me. Baby, I don’t mean to make light of what we’ve got. I do love you.

Muriel: We could patrol the streets and look for a mugger or something.

Ophelia: A mugger deserves jail, not Hell. (PAUSE) Look, Muriel, at least we got to spend time together. That’s enough for me.

Muriel: Well, it’s not enough for me. I mean I can’t, no, I won’t walk this earth without you!

Ophelia: I don’t like where this is going. There’s too much that you don’t know. You’re wasting time. Go, email the article!

Muriel: (ignoring her) I’ve got it! Yes! (PAUSE) This “Declivity” person, thing, whatever, you said he likes to gamble, right?

Ophelia: Yeh, I guess it gives him a thrill to f**k with people’s lives that way. He’s an arrogant little b*****d.

Muriel: Okay, listen, Ophelia. I’ve got a plan.

Ophelia: (exasperated) Muriel�"

Muriel: No, listen. The article can still get published okay. We’ll still have time. I think that if he goes for it, you can stay without exchanging a soul. And who knows, maybe with this lifetime things can be different, you can do only good things and you’ll never have to worry about being in Hell for what you did in the past.

Ophelia: (sighs loudly)

Muriel: Please. If you love me, then please give this a try.

Ophelia: Okay, Muriel, because I love you.

Muriel: (triumphantly) Yes! Now, first thing you do is summon him, like right away before the hour’s end. That way, we’ll still have time, then I will�"(fade)

1. MUSIC: SCENE CHANGE MUSIC

SCENE SIX: MURIEL’S APARTMENT

(Muriel, Ophelia, Declivity, and Troy)

Ophelia: Okay. It’s time. I can feel him.

Muriel: Don’t be afraid.

Ophelia: Oh, my love, I’m not afraid of him. I’ve seen him in his true form and have taken all sorts of punishments by his hand. (PAUSE) It’s you I fear for. Don’t keep eye contact with him for too long. He’ll clothe himself in human skin because he’s not allowed to show himself to mortals.

Muriel: Thank God!

Ophelia: Here goes.

1.SOUND: SHIMMERING, APPEARING EFFECT

Declivity: Ophelia! So good to see you. (PAUSE) Ah, and here’s your little friend, the author. How do you do?

Muriel: I’ve been better.

Declivity: I’m sure you have my dear, I’m sure you have. (PAUSE) So I’m guessing that Ophelia let you in on our little wager regarding her task.

Muriel: Yeah. And she’s completed it. The article’s been destroyed.

Declivity: Oh, well that’s wonderful Ophelia, and it’s grand that you’ve completed your task AND have still managed to maintain your friendship with--- (out of nowhere rage) YOU are trifling with me! I see the flash drive beneath those papers on the desk! Do you think me a fool?!

Muriel: (mildly flippant) Well, yes, I do, but that’s beside the point.

Ophelia: (laughs) Oh my. (teasing) Looks like SHE doesn’t fear you either, Declivity.

Declivity: I will have your very mortal soul for such insolence, human. You have no understanding of my power�"but you may yet.

Muriel: Right, sure, I know of your power, Declivity. And I know of its limitations. You can’t punish me because I’m not yours. (PAUSE) And I’m willing to bet that I never will be!

Declivity: (laughs condescendingly) I see Ophelia’s told you of my weakness. So, you wish to gamble your very soul?

Muriel: Yes.

Declivity: Ah, I see. You’re in love and wish to gamble your soul for hers.

Muriel: Not exactly.

Declivity: Pathetic, typical and pathetic. (PAUSE) Unfortunately, lover, Ophelia’s due back in Hell, and I have no need of your soul. She’s failed at her task.

Muriel: You’re afraid! Without Hell, you’d be just another coward slithering on your belly looking for only the easiest of prey. You are nothing. You are but a servant in Hell.

Declivity: (laughs) And you are a fool of the highest order. Here, [shimmering sound] a single die. Roll it. If you lose, I’LL take you both AND that flash drive with the article on it. Try your luck.

Muriel: Now you see, there’s the problem. There are 2 kinds of luck. There’s dumb luck, like the roll of the dice or like in my article, the chance lottery number. And then there’s smart luck, the calculated risk. The article you can have by roll of the die. But our souls, no, no dumb luck there. I know your ways, and you take your thrills from risk and the matching of wits.

Declivity: (laugh condescending) And you propose to match wits? Human, I’ve longer lived than your kind has walked upright.

Muriel: Then you should feel certain enough of your victory that you’ll allow me to choose the topic. (PAUSE) And, in the spirit of it all, I choose the general topic of “probability.” Ask me any question on the mathematics of probability. If I answer correctly, Ophelia stays here and lives out the rest of her life with me, our souls are our own, and no soul is required to take her place in Hell. If I fail, Ophelia remains yours. And I�" I too will be yours.

Ophelia: Muriel!

Declivity: And what of the article.

Muriel: As I said, I’ll leave that to the roll of the die.

Declivity: You remind me of another in just how much I’m amused by your confidence. (PAUSE) Yes. I’ll take your wager. But SHE must roll the die!

Muriel: Fine. And---

Declivity: Ah, ah, ah. I’ve not finished a stating my terms. If she rolls less than a six, I win, and the article is destroyed.

Ophelia: That’s not fair!

Declivity: Oh please! Those are my terms, take them or leave them.

Muriel: (eagerly) We’ll take them!

Ophelia: What?! I told you how I felt about that article.

Muriel: (patronizing) I have great faith in your luck, Ophelia. (PAUSE) Now, Demon (PAUSE) do your worst.

Declivity: Very well. In honor of your little lottery article, the question will be on probability and randomness. According to Benford’s Law, of digits one through nine, which appears with the greater frequency as a primary digit: nine, one, or two and in what percentage should they appear?

Muriel: You’re kidding, right? That’s all.

Declivity: Answer the question.

Ophelia: Baby, we don’t have to do this�"�"

Declivity: Answer!

Muriel: Benford’s Law says that all nine digits will not appear with equal frequency as a first digit in data. Number nine only appears about 5% of the time, number two, only about 18%, and one appears about 30% of the time. So, the number one appears with the greatest amount of frequency for the those three you listed.

Declivity: (signs)

Muriel: I am correct, and you can’t deny it.

Ophelia: (almost miffed) You won?!

Muriel: Yes! My love, this is a grand thing! We can be together! Baby, it’s alright now!

Ophelia: (oddly flat) That’s wonderful, baby. It’s just wonderful.

Declivity: Your turn, Ophelia. (oddly pleasant, matter of fact, not like someone who’s just lost. More like someone vaguely curious)

Ophelia: I �"I can’t�"�"

Muriel: Don’t worry, baby, there will be other articles.

Declivity: Roll the die!

Ophelia: No, there won’t. Not articles like this one.

Muriel: What are you doing?

Ophelia: I’m not going to be a part of this!

Declivity: Roll the die!

Ophelia: No!!! (PAUSE)

Muriel: What?! D�"did you just swallow that die?! (PAUSE) Why?

Declivity: Why indeed!! She did it to forfeit the bet.

Muriel: Is that true?

Ophelia: Yes, but in time, you’ll see that�"

Declivity: That by forfeiting the bet, it falls in my favor! Ah Muriel, you’d have had a better chance if you had just rolled the die.

Muriel: (laughs) It doesn’t matter my love. I see the nobility of your heart. (PAUSE)

Declivity: (scoffs) Nobility, indeed!

Muriel: (ignoring him) But don’t you see, we won! And my place by your side is assured! (joyful laugh) We beat him, my love! Oh, my Ophelia! (PAUSE) What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick? Or�"

Declivity: Well, my dear, your confidence was entertaining. And I really have enjoyed this dalliance and all the play acting. (PAUSE)

Muriel: No wait�" you don’t understand. I answered your question. She’s free to live�"with me, (small) I hope.

Declivity: (mildly surprised) You really haven’t told her, have you? (laughs) How sad.

Muriel: Told me? Told me what?

Ophelia: That you’re a complete idiot! (harsh laugh)

Muriel: (tiny) Ophelia?

Ophelia: God, you really are still pathetic. Why would I want you? You’re a complete loser and a really bad lay! I never loved you. Not then, not now. Oh, stop looking at me like that! (PAUSE) Troy! I did it baby! I got us our freedom. See! And I got your replacement. Aren’t you happy?
Oooh, we are so gonna’ f**k like crazy right up here in your bed, Muriel! (laughs boisterously)

Muriel: (devastated) Ophelia, I�"I love you�"

Ophelia: Oh, shut up! You need to pay up, Declivity! I got the article not published. (to Muriel) Darlin’ there’s nothing on that flash drive you got there. I didn’t save a damn thing. You are Troy’s replacement in Hell, per our original agreement, right Declivity? (PAUSE)
Why would I want to sit around licking your twat when me and my man can spend our riches. Troy, baby, just think about how high we’re gonna’ get! [radio crackling, appearing sound fx] There he is! See baby I told you I could do it! (PAUSE) How come he can’t talk?

Declivity: He will. You must give him time to manifest. Just
as you took time.

Ophelia: Well, hurry it up.

Muriel: You�"you liar! You lying�"

Ophelia: Whatever, Darlin’. All I had to do was tell you what you wanted to hear. Declivity is gonna’ give me a lifetime outta’ Hell ‘cause I kept that article from gettin’ published. And Troy’s coming with me! (PAUSE) Darlin’, me and Troy belong together. You know, like Romeo and Juliet. You can’t break that up! We’ve done too much and gone through too much, the two of us. We done things. (PAUSE) Oooh Lord, what we done.

Declivity: Well, my dear, Muriel, a bet is a bet. (PAUSE) Come, stand next to me.

Muriel: But I answered your question correctly.

Declivity: A bet made in Hell has precedence over one made in the world of the living.

Ophelia: It’s just like you said a few hours ago, Darlin’ while you were in the throes of lesbian love. (PAUSE) You said that no one’s innocent. You chose lust over the justice your article would’ve brought to a lot of bad people.

Declivity: Lust is one of the seven deadly sins, is it not Ophelia?

Ophelia: Okay, yeah, whatever. When’s he gonna’ get solid so I can hold him in my arms?

Declivity: It took me a good while to clothe YOU in skin! Be patient, or would you rather just have him as a ghost?

Ophelia: Uh, uh. Can’t get lovin’ from a ghost, (PAUSE) See Muriel, I’ve done plenty women in my past. But I need me a real dick. (PAUSE) Oh don’t look so disgusted. Where you’re going you gonna’ get plenty of dick and everything else in your mouth. Your dyke a*s better get used to it.
(PAUSE) Can he hear what I’m saying?

Declivity: Yes, he can hear you clearly. As soon as he materializes you and I, Muriel, will be on our way.

Ophelia: I love you, Baby. And I did good, didn’t I? (PAUSE) See, Muriel, you can’t break up that kind of love.

Muriel: You’re a wretch! Were I not so disgusted, I’d actually feel sorry for you.

Ophelia: Oh, please. At least I got to live the s**t out of my life before I had to go where you’re goin’! (laughs) See, Muriel, I’ve done a lot of good. And I’ve done a hell of a lot of bad. But I had my fun�" hear that Troy, Baby? Yeah, I had my fun--- and now, thanks to you I’m gonna’ have even more fun. (laughs) (PAUSE) Yeah, me and Troy had some times together! Cops didn’t know half the stuff we got away with.

Declivity: Oh, really.

Ophelia: Yeah, REALLY. One time, (chuckles to herself) Troy wanted to try something different. So, we got a little girl. We didn’t do anything to her that wasn’t done to me at that age-- Oh you can look at me as judgmental as you want, Muriel. It doesn’t matter now. Yeah, we did some things�"- but I was soo high. Hell, I don’t remember half of what we did to her, that child. (PAUSE) Man, she was a screamer, though, wasn’t she, baby? (laughs) Oh, yeah. I must’ve passed out ‘cause when I woke up everything was quiet and-----

Declivity: (amused) See how your lover waves frantically at you, Ophelia? Perhaps this is a tale he’d rather you didn’t tell.

Muriel: It’s a tale I’d rather not hear. I’m already in Hell! You sick b***h, do you even realize that you’re gloating over the rape of a child?!

Ophelia: (different voice, without the mirth) Oh no, no, no. (PAUSE) We did more than just rape her, didn’t we, Troy?

1.SOUND: TROY’S VOICE COMES THROUGH FAINTLY, LIKE A VOICE THROUGH AN UNTUNED RADIO

Troy: No, you fool�"no-�"

Ophelia: Oh, yes, I want to tell, and I want you to hear. (PAUSE) By the time I’d woken up, she and Troy were gone. I was so fucked up back then. I thought that she’d won Troy’s love and he’d abandoned me for her. He had a thing for virgins. Didn’t you, ‘baby?’
So, I ran out of the van, our home, with the vomit still in my hair and in my teeth. I ran back into the woods, hoping I could find him before he could find a road and hitchhike out of my life (PAUSE) with that poor girl. (PAUSE) He hadn’t left me for her�" he just left to bury her. (ironic chuckle) I watched him from afar as he put leaves and rotted logs over that child’s body. When he started to jerk off, I raced back to the van. I knew he’d probably kill me if he knew I’d followed him. So, for all these years, I’ve kept it secret. (slightly rueful chuckle) He never knew that I knew where he’d buried that child.

Muriel: Then do something right for once in your lousy life.
Call, you can do it anonymously, but for Christ’s sake call the police and at least let that little girl’s family give her a proper burial!

Ophelia: I’m afraid not Muriel; I have no plans to do any such thing, (PAUSE) But I will tell you the exact location. For all the good it will do you.
[whispers in Muriel’s ears]

Troy: No, no, no!

Ophelia: Yes! Yes! Oh, for the look on your face (mockingly) You got sooo close, so close. But that’s as close as you’re ever going to get! There was no way in hell I’d let your sick a*s roam this earth ever again, you b*****d! All of Hell knows what we did to that child. And we are legends for it. You thought I didn’t know you’d try to make a deal behind my back. That you wouldn’t sell me out on the first offer! That you wouldn’t try to get both your lifetime and mine, your riches and mine, because you thought I’d fail this mission! I know you, Troy. I know every last filthy thing about you. So, when Declivity told me about your side bet, I knew I had you!

Declivity: (uproarious) I’m afraid your drug-addled w***e has won while you have lost. Say “Goodbye,” Troy.

1.SOUND: TROY’S VOICE FADES AWAY

He’ll never cease to amuse me.

Muriel: What the--?!

Ophelia: Oh, I almost forgot, (PAUSE) our dear Muriel.

Muriel: Deceitful b***h, I despise you thoroughly. You used the brutality committed against a child as the basis of a bet!

Ophelia: Oh, what are you complaining about? You should be happy. Troy’s in Hell and you’re not.

Muriel: Yes, but you should be!

Ophelia: Your opinion means nothing to me.

Muriel: I will call the police. I’ll tell them where she’s buried, and I will tell them about your involvement.

Ophelia: Who cares? I’ll be beyond their reach soon enough. Won’t I, Declivity? (PAUSE) Well, by my watch it’s already past 6 am. Time to take my leave. Goodbye Muriel. (rueful chuckle) My love. (PAUSE)Your turn, Declivity�" (laughs)

Declivity: (stunned, enraged) By hell, how did you�"

1.SOUND: SHIMMERING, DISAPPEARING EFFECT

Ophelia: (fade out her laughing)

2.MUSIC: SCENE CHANGE MUSIC

SCENE SEVEN: MURIEL’S APARTMENT

(Muriel)

Muriel VO: My heart will never be the same. This woman, this thing crawled out of my past. She, who was the love of my life, or so I thought. The lying b***h! I would have thought that she was somewhere out there living it up, f*****g everything in sight and snorting away her millions, enough for two lifetimes. She had won their filthy bet. (PAUSE)That is until I got a call from Jackie. Turns out she got my article! (PAUSE) The rotten b***h. I can only guess that she must have been clumsy and accidentally hit “send” before smashing my laptop to pieces. (PAUSE) If that means that she’s in Hell, then all is right with the world. And all creation’s better for it.

1.MUSIC: SCENE CHANGE MUSIC

SCENE EIGHT: HELL

(Ophelia and Declivity)

1.SOUNDS: SCREAMING, MOANS, WHIPS, CHAINS, TYPICAL HELL NOISES

Declivity: You’re a complete idiot. You know that right? You missed the only chance you’ll get.

Ophelia: We deserve to be in Hell for what we did.

Declivity: You could have lived with her for an entire lifetime, then replaced her for another b***h once she was worn out. (PAUSE) And never would you have wanted for anything. You could have been very wealth. I know you used me to get to her. But still, I would have honored the agreement.

Ophelia: (scoffs)

Declivity: Do you think that she’ll actually think well of you because of what you did? The child will get a decent burial, but she’ll only believe that you used her. You’ll no longer be her one true love. (PAUSE) And she’ll hate you for it.

Ophelia: (absently, sadly) It doesn’t matter what she thinks.

Declivity: Nonsense! (PAUSE) You love her! (laughs) You’re a fool! Love means nothing here. And the memories of your few hours with her will not sustain you through an eternity of torment! [walks off a in a huff]

Ophelia: (to herself) Perhaps. But I am here, she is free of me, and her heart is better for it. (sad) And that’s what matters.

1.MUSIC: CLOSING THEME

THE END

Author's Note

This radio play is a fantasia on 'prisoner's dilemma.' I am a novice writer. I love radio plays and the reliance on dialogue and narrative to convey the story.

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Featured Review

Anonymous

This story is amazing and full of twists and turns. You pull the carpet out from underneath the reader many times, especially near the end. I am sure that as the reader, all the clues were there from the start, but reading through the perspective of Muriel really makes you blinded by the same things she's blinded by. Perfect technique, and I love the unique writing style to, with the dialogue telling the story rather than the surroundings. Quite contrary to how I write, but definitely a way to go about things.