A Sweet Piece of Candy

Candy, a silly girl with an energetic and bubbly attitude, embarrasses her friend Valora!

 Candy was a sweet girl. She almost never got mad, she hated to yell, and she loved to make people smile. She was so sweet, she was given the nickname Candy by her kindergarten teacher. The name ended up sticking around, and everyone knew her as Candy. Candy made friends super easily. She was well-liked, and had very few, if any, enemies. She had a few specific friends she hung out with most. And in this little story of a happy girl, she's with one. Her friend named Valora. 
 " I absolutely hate math class. " Valora said as she looked at her math book in her hands.
 " Oh, you hate everything! " Candy playfully jabbed her with her elbow.
 " I don't hate everything. But, I do hate math. " Valora sighed. Math was always hard for her.
 " You need to relax! You need to.. Shake it all! " Candy laughed at her comment. " Shake it all, Shake it all, Woo-Hoo-Hoo! " Candy sang loudly.
 Valora sighed and shook her head.
 " I never miss my feet! I'm lightning with my beats! And that's what they don't see! No, No! That's what they don't see! Uh-Oh! " Candy began kicking her feet as she and Valora walked to the school building for their next class. They needed to walk around the outside of the school to get to the math room. They were late, too, so not many people were around. Just the men at the school to fix the Internet that keeps shutting off and on.
 " I don't think that's how the song goes. " Valora chuckled both from her friend's funny little show, and embarrassment. The Internet men kept staring.
 " I'm dancing on my own! Dancing on my own! Make the moves up as I go! Moves up as I go! " Candy sang even louder while doing little turns and twists while continuing her kicking.
 " We can tell. " Valora said as she internally thanked every God and Goddess she knew from every religion she knew that they had finally made it to the building. She loved Candy, but she was embarrassing.
 Their math class was the second door in the building, so they made it quite quickly. Candy had stopped singing when they entered the building.
 Candy swung the door open and said, " Sorry we're late! " The teacher just sighed and continued the lesson.
 The girls took their seats on opposite sides of the room. Candy waved and smiled at Valora the whole class. Valora waved and smiled back. She hated math class, but Candy made it a bit better.

Author's Note

I tried a different style for this story! I love writing dialogue, but I never seem to write it into the story exactly how I want. I wrote this to sorta experiment and see if it'd look nicer like this. Does it look nice? Or too crowded?

Reviews

[kate_m]

I actually think you did very well with the dialogue here. You make sure that we can "see" the whole scene while they are talking. Real people move around, touch their faces, walk, etc, while they talk. A lot of new writers just have the characters "pause" to talk, then resume their actions. You have great use of action tags (or action beats), the sentences which explain what the characters are doing while the are speaking. Yours do get kind of long sometimes, which tends to slow down the dialogue, but with practice you'll learn to adjust this to make the story flow how you want it to. Keep up the writing, and good luck!

[PoeticNonsense]

Thank you! I'll be sure to work on that! :)

[SoltreuSolPar]

I really liked this!!! I was feeling the poetic introduction then the dialogue. Honestly, I skimmed through, so I could write to you. Keep it up. Check my work out, and if you like...maybe, we could connect...network...

[Sir_Lansonlot]

I enjoyed this. I think that the dialogue, itself, was perfectly fine - but sometimes I feel like exposition following the dialog is a bit too lengthy. You want your conversation to be read as fast as the actual conversation would have been said in some cases (but certainly not all). The ending really sold the whole concept for me so that gets you some bonus points. My only real problem with this work is that sometimes the diction feels a bit contrived. However, it goes so well with the overall tone of the work that it's hardly worth mentioning.

[HerUnknownLife]

It looks nice. I have trouble with it to. I do to much dialogue or to little. It's a very nice story.