~Beauty is her Name~

One of my greatest fears is to leave this Earth and not be remembered...

[IMG]http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh75/shanty242/n17026038_34729395_1549-1.jpg[/IMG]

~Beauty is her Name~

Her face was mere perfection,
Beauty longed to be her name.
Her hair was as long as the Nile River.
Her eyes as blue as the sea.
The bridge of her nose as magnificent
As the Golden Gate itself.
Her lips were as full as the moon
Her smile alone could blind you.
Her features were so symmetrical
It was as if God Himself
Had hand crafted her from scratch�
Men were marveled by her beauty.
Women secretly envied her flawless silhouette.
Once very lively she now lay still
Eyes closed, mouth stiffly turned up
Her arms crossed over her chest
She lies breathless in her coffin.
A small crowd attends her funeral
The only words spoken were of her beauty.
.
..
...
....
......How will you be remembered?

Author's Note

We should want to be judged by the fruit that we bear, not material things, or what we look like...

Reviews

[Andrew Reeves]

Deep sista! I loved the depth of meaning in this piece. The only thing I saw that might hinder this piece, is the fact that it seems a little cliche'ish. Phrases like . . ."long as the Nile River", ". . .as full as the moon" Try switching these up a bit.

Otherwise, fantastic job. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thanks for the read.

[ABitBrokenPoetry]

i love this poem. i love the imagery, your descriptions of this beautiful person. i could see it all in my mind. yes it is very sad that our society is so superficially focused on outward appearance. it tells us nothing of who a person really is. this is an intelligent, beautiful poem & really makes you think. good work.

[Kgosi]

beaty!... that's some great writing there... i'm not a very critical person but, i know good stuff when i read it. sweetheart, you've out-done yourself.

[Catastrophe]

Amazing...that is truly amazing...
I love it...it says so much, and I really love the flow. Great Write

[BJ "Bunneh3000" Brown]

I actually think that you could build on this poem. As if someone was describing how this woman's beauty was all they could remember rather than only sticking to how beautiful each individual feature was. Sometimes using a repetitious line at choice spots can be just as powerful as metaphors...

Maybe take 3 features of her, and then use that line "Beauty longed to be her name". Then maybe alternate the repetition with "The only words spoken were of her beauty". Try that and maybe discuss other features like...her hips, her skin, her walk, her laugh, her hands, her voice, and then see how this one morphs...

(sorry... had to come back to this one because I still like it and where it could go!)

[blkberry4u]

That was deep, yet so important and thought provoking. I use that very question and try to live my life accordingly. That's one you need to post on the billboards all over the world. Good message!

[Lena Bylow]

Wonderful. She's only remembered for her beauty, not a way to be remembered at all....

[Shalini R]

i like the volta, the turn
who knew she was dead
great point you make here, cool write

[KEi]

The only thing I wasn't keen on was "As long as the Nile River."
It didn't seem to fit. If you shortened it to "Nile" instead, it'd flow better, and I'm sure people would still understand.
I like the fact that you used quite overused phrases, too, actually. As though it were her friends and family comparing her, and not an omniscient and eloquent emotionless observer.

It certainly made me think.

And envy your skill with poetry. xD

[Prose-full]

the words are brilliantly placed in this...
i love every detail of it..
well written..smooth flow..
sad ending...i hope to be known for more than what i look like
for i want to have made some differences in this lifetime



[ive been so busy..i havent gotten around to any request and had to turn them off for
a little bit..]

[thebrokenwillow]

i like it. It has meaning behind it, which all poetry should, but sadly doesn't. It really brings the idea of how we will spend our short time on earth. We only have so much time to make an impression. Good job.