Complete this simile: "As awkward as _______"

I got this book from target with 300 writing prompts. Every now and then I try to knock one out. The title of the story is the prompt from the book

"As awkward as me"

This is a joke but at the same time it's not. I am the most awkward thing I know. From not speaking enough, to sometimes speaking entirely too much. Nervous laughter. Stuttering. Shaky eye contact. I'm the whole shabang. Sometimes when I'm talking to people I get so worried that I'm about to say/do something awkward that my brain starts screaming at me "BE NORMAL! BE NORMAL!". As a result I don't hear what the person is telling me. Out of embarrassment I just smile, nod my head, and pretend I heard what they just said. My greatest fear is this conversation:

Normal Person: Hey Darien, how are you?

                 

                 Me: Oh hey, I'm doing good. How about yourself?

Normal Person: Not so good, my mom is sick in the hospital

                 

                 Me: *smiles and nods head*

Author's Note

Take all grammatical mistakes for love.

If you don't really care to review, feel free comment your own little journal for the prompt in the title. Something short and sweet. Thanks for reading!