It's not about you.

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Prov 11:2 “...with humility comes wisdom”

Because of my Precious Prodigal ministry and the paths I’ve had to walk, I’ve known many people in recovery. Some of them are recovering from substance abuse and are active in AA or Celebrate Recovery and others are active in Alanon or some other support group.

I’ve also known people who were recovering from divorce, childhood trauma or a host of other things. If you follow my blog, you already know I believe all of us need recovery from some of our life experiences.

Regardless of the cause, people in recovery have some things in common. One of those is an inflated sense of their own part in someone else’s story. Experience has shown me that people new to this concept called “recovery” fall into one of two categories. Either they feel they are to blame for everything or they don’t think they are responsible for anything.

A slight variation but very similar is convincing ourselves that our prodigals, our spouses, our pastors, and even the lady two rows over and one row up at church have a problem with us. They say or do something or just looked at us crossways, and we’re absolutely sure they are angry at us, hurt with us, or just plain don’t like us. We find hidden meanings in what they say or are offended that they didn’t speak to us at all.

The root cause of all those perspectives is the same. They are all rooted in ego…an unrealistic idea that we are much more important and powerful than we or anyone else could possibly be. And we waste unbelievable amounts of energy blaming ourselves, blaming others or walking around with our feelings on our sleeve. How foolish.

Now wait a minute. I understand it’s about ego if I think I’m always right. But how is it ego if I think I’m to blame or even partly to blame for my prodigal’s behavior? And how is it ego when my feelings are hurt because of how I’m being treated by some of those very people you listed?

Thinking you are always right and everything your prodigal does is to hurt you is certainly about ego. But so is deciding you are responsible and to blame for another person’s feelings, actions, or decisions. It’s just the other side of the same ego coin. I’m sure you weren’t the best parent, spouse, sibling or friend. But neither were you the worst. You, like the rest of us, are just an average person going along and doing the best you can with what you have.

The simple answer is this: It’s not about you, not because of you, and not directed at you. Our prodigals didn’t give one single thought to us or to what we did right or wrong when they made the choices they made.

And that spouse, that pastor, and even that lady two rows over and one row up? Chances are whatever is going on with them has nothing to do with you either. And if they do have a problem with you, it’s their problem.

We don’t have the power to make another person feel or think or do anything. To think we do is another way of “thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought to think.” (Rom 12:3) The more clearly we see how powerless we are, the more we’ll be able to show the wisdom that comes with that humility.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, remind yourself it’s not about you?