Heart shouts

I separate all my sordid love

and place the pieces in secret hiding spots

Either deep in the woods or in plain sight

I will never tell anyone where the secrets are

Unless you asked me where they are.

I would have to show you

you deserve to hear my words

since most of them are about you.

I will give up all my secrets to you

I will shout my heart into your dreams

and  hold on tightly to the masks I found

that hides my heartache from view

That being said,

I wish you were here

I wish you were not merely a difficult memory

Why can't it all be different

The way it was supposed to have turned out

Why can't you be here with me

instead of the scary bitter tears and stomach in knots

I wish I had you rather than the mystery I hide in the darkness

Every thing happens for a reason

this all part of the plan

Things work out the way they are written

 I used to be a believer 

I was, and then...