When We Were Young

When We Were Young

A Poem by Fallen Angel
"

Just a poem I wrote as one of my last three that I was assigned to write for English. :)

"

We used to have our own imaginations,

When we were young.

We thought crazy things, played crazy games.

We were our own person and not just sheep.

Now we tend to go with the flow,

Think like others, talk like other, dress like others.

We are no longer one.

 

We used to all be friends.

We’d all play and talk together,

And have our fun.

We accepted everyone for who they were.

Now we are judgmental and separate.

All in our own little clichés,

Talking and spreading mean and untrue things.

We go our separate ways and try to stay away.

 

We used to be dependent of everyone.

When we were young.

We couldn’t make our own money or live by ourselves.

We had to trust that our parents would take care of us.

Now we are getting older.

We will be leaving and going our own ways.

Doing our own thing, becoming our own person.

Now dependent for ourselves.

Now beginning our long, life journey.

© 2012 Fallen Angel


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The structure is nice and relatively easy on the eyes, also helps the poem emanate whatever emotion or image you want to convey. However, this seems more like a bunch of statements rather than poetry. I'm not saying it isn't a poem, I'm just simply insinuating that instead of TELLING us what you want to say, SHOW us. Give us sensory details, like touch, taste, hearing, seeing, etc. You can connect with your audience on a far more emotional level with these elements rather than otherwise.

But this is a good start! :D

Hope this helps and happy trails!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Fallen Angel

7 Years Ago

This is a really good suggestion. It was just a quick write for English a couple years ago but readi.. read more
WizardsAffliction

7 Years Ago

You're most welcome! I tried my best not to come off as offensive. It's all just a commentary on the.. read more



Reviews

The structure is nice and relatively easy on the eyes, also helps the poem emanate whatever emotion or image you want to convey. However, this seems more like a bunch of statements rather than poetry. I'm not saying it isn't a poem, I'm just simply insinuating that instead of TELLING us what you want to say, SHOW us. Give us sensory details, like touch, taste, hearing, seeing, etc. You can connect with your audience on a far more emotional level with these elements rather than otherwise.

But this is a good start! :D

Hope this helps and happy trails!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Fallen Angel

7 Years Ago

This is a really good suggestion. It was just a quick write for English a couple years ago but readi.. read more
WizardsAffliction

7 Years Ago

You're most welcome! I tried my best not to come off as offensive. It's all just a commentary on the.. read more
ok I love the poem but suggestion istead of saying "Doing our own thing, becoming our own person." could it be persons and for "Now dependent for ourselves." could it be Now dependent on ourselves. either way it sounds good those 2 lines just stuck out when I read it lol Love it and u though girly keep up the writing please.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Colleen a Bean

9 Years Ago

lol k well its your peom I was just bored and noticed the 2 things
Fallen Angel

9 Years Ago

lolz Okai then.
Colleen a Bean

9 Years Ago

lol ya haha

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Added on June 22, 2012
Last Updated on June 22, 2012

Author

Fallen Angel
Fallen Angel

Floating on a cloud., MN



About
I am a high school graduate. A daughter. And a sister. I love my family even if they do judge me and don't understand me. I have very few true friends but the ones I do have I hold very dear to me. I .. more..

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